Made it through another day. It was an
odd day of cravings and unable to
distract myself with the tools ive been using all week. I logged into the 24/7 AA meeting only to sit in the waiting room for an hour and giving up. I read and watched some tv shows instead and now ready to turn off the lights. Its hard to imagine doing this successfully over and over and over. I know that’s what needs to be done and I’ll keep getting through my days, but what a sad way tk
live. Living just to survive the day. sigh Goodnight and looking forward to waking up not hungover.
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Way to go! It not always easy but always worth. But does get easier the more you grow that muscle 
. You got through a rough day be proud of yourself. It feels good not waking up hangover and maybe the regret stupid drunk stuff from the night before. Those are the worse!
But not this morning my friend. Keep going! You can do it! Stay sober with me today. Just today, do what it takes to head your head on the pillow tonight sober. @EYEYEY
well…i relapsed before i got
to day 10. And now over 10 days later Im right back to square one. Those sober 9 days were difficult. Again, I don’t know how
I can do this day in and day out. Im left hopeless again. I would just rather die at this point. I don’t think i can end this toxic relationship. im on AA meetings for hours and taking everything I can away from it, but the drink wants me, wants my body and my mind. Ill do my best to get through today.
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I’m sorry your stuck in this hopeless feeling, and that life seems so unbearable. I have been there and was clueless how to claw my way to some sanity/serenity. Ultimately, I did 30 days in rehab. Can you look at that option for yourself?
I guess it’s that or death, but I can’t afford it. There is no affordable option where I live.
I read a post by Soli that might make sense to you right now.
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Hey there, friend. You’ve done well making it to day 10—give yourself some credit for that, and don’t lose hope! You’re here, and that means you’re ready to give it another go, right? We’re right here with you to offer support.
Have you figured out what helped you during the time you stayed sober? AA is a great place to start and can be a valuable source of support and guidance. Staying sober usually requires some kind of plan to make the changes you want in your life—step by step.
The beginning is especially tough, but there are things that help. For me, checking in here every day helped me find community and support. I read around and followed advice I found on this forum. I wrote down what I was grateful for on a daily basis, which helped me stay focused on where I wanted to go. And I had a plan what I was going to do when cravings hit. I cried, while I was following that plan, but I followed it. And eventually it brought me here.
Here are two great threads that might give you some ideas on how to go about it:
You got this, just give it another go 
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thank you for the kind words of advice. Ill take progress over perfection.
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Checking in. Felling good and staying sober. Making my plans to stay busy and distracted this weekend. A bit scared because I have events to attend where there will be alot of drinking, but fortunately I do have a few sober friends to hang with. I will remind myself that I cannot have even one sip or I will spiral. I wish I could get out of this event but since Im the host it’s impossible.
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Hi ! You had to download the zoom app ? How did you like it ? Thinking of joining tomorrow night
Yeah download zoom, I think in recovery everything has a time and a place and for me in early sobriety this was very helpful. No reason to sit alone struggling when you can be with others who understand
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I log in everyday…sometimes for hours and just listen. Its been very helpful for me.
May you message me the login information again please and thank you !
Have you read This Naked Mind? It was key to me staying sober in the early days.
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Still here…still trying. It’s getting easier to handle and deal with the cravings. I’m not moving my body as much as I want but when Im ready I will. Being patient and kind to myself while I get through these really hard early days.
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We are still here still trying with you! Im glad to hear you are being gentle with yourself, its extremely difficult to change how our brains work.
One thing that helped me, despute being a bit harsh, was the reminder that we might not come back from a relapse. Alcoholism kills. You were saying you would rather die, and i completely understand that sentiment. But would you, really?
Another great AA-ism is dont quit before the miracle happens to you! Im only 50 days in myself but I want a miracle so damn bad, even more than I want a cold glass of wine, that im sticking it out to see if theyre right.
Wishing you the best, friend 
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Thank you my friend. I can’t deny I sway back and forth with wanting death. The sober days I feel better, but truthfully when I drink it’s the only time I feel emotions and the regrets I have. How ironic right? Because I drink to mask feelings when i fact it’s the only time i feel myself. Im struggling. I have more sober days than not recently so that’s progress, but I’m still working towards living a completely alcohol free life serving a higher power. Love you.
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I thought I was feeling my feelings while I was drinking too, its only with the sober hindsight that ive been able to see that what I was feeling was not authentic, not truly what I was feeling deep down. Drinking also didnt let me process my feelings in a healthy way. So i would be sobbing and drunk, just miserable, thinking I was having all these feelings, when truly I was still masking. I also hated myself, and still do sometimes. I barely know who I really am because of my drinking. What do I really value, feel, think, want? It will take a long time to figure that out but I know I cant do it drunk.
Ive gone to the ER for suicidal ideation while drunk, so I can relate. I just mean to say that its only with sobriety we can really delve into those feelings and process them, instead of just feeling fake things. Love you buddy keep it up!
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It’s nice to see that you keep on fighting 