I had the remarkable ability, while drinking, to forget some of the bad things on purpose. Some of the bad things are lost forever because I blacked out every time I drank, and a black out is a failure to form memories. I also denied or minimized or justified truly awful behavior.
Some of those tactics helped me in the short term to get sober. That crushing depression, the awful sinking feeling of helplessness following a drunk, that daily morning ritual of berating myself for “slipping up” again, that was the stuff I had to just ignore or delay dealing with. I could no longer drink it away, and I couldn’t properly deal with it, so I had to continue to suppress it.
After about a month sober on Antabuse and willpower, I finally went back to AA. And there, I found two very important strategies. First was a forum where people understood and even chuckled at stories about pissing their pants and other drunken terrible acts. I could release some of my guilt there by simply identifying with people who could not perform their job with a hangover but showed up and faked it anyway, and a host of other behaviors. Second, AA gave me a concrete set of directions to follow to actually free myself of the “tormenting ghosts of the past” as it is referred to in the AA literature.
@erntedank asked the question and I will re-iterate it. If you are serious about not drinking, what is your plan? Hope is not a strategy, it is a motivator to action. What will you do with the hope you find here on Talking Sober and in other sober communities?
The gratitude thread has been mentioned, so let me add a few more direct and helpful conversations to the list.
Blessings on your house as you begin your sobriety.
as you begin your sobriety.