How you may handle depression after being drunk?. You don’t remember what you did but you know for sure that you did something stupid ‘cause it always happens in that way when you’re wasted.
How can I stand up again and continue with a normal life with shame?. I know I have a good job and a big opportunity ahead to improve it even more, but when I got tipsy, I can’t just stop and, I hate myself for not be able to control it.
Because I can’t control myself once I start drinking, I cannot EVER pick up that first drink. And that’s the only drink I can control:
The first one.
Moderation does not work for me. I’ve done shit when drunk. I behaved like a total twat. I don’t want to do it again. And that’s why I don’t have that first drink.
That’s right. I must not pick up the first beer or shot. I think I may control myself but of course, I cannot. When was the last time you drank?.
I don’t do it every day or even every weekend either, but I recognize my issue and I want to quit. This is not the first time I tried… which sucks so much.
Stay away from that first sucker peg
if you want to quit you put in the necessary work. plan? connection? programm? therapy? strategies? tools? knowledge? quitlit? podcasts? tackling underlying issues?
no shortcuts. recovery is work, every day. sobriety is easy, just don’t have the first drink.
ODAAT
I agree. You have a point!. I thought that I had it under control but… it was bull5hit!. I appreciate you comment.
I’ve only got 4 days sober but I dealt with and still deal with those thoughts.
The first step is owning whatever you did. There’s not a person on the planet that hasn’t felt shame, so empathy will be shown eventually.
Remember this too shall pass, and when it does… What are you going to do for yourself and no one else.
If you want an activity that helps with the depression… Start with a gratitude list!
If you want to change, it’s within you! Only you can come to the realization if you’re powerless over alcohol and if you do come to that conclusion… You will come to believe a power greater than you can help.
This group is amazing, has lots of different topics. Search around, read stories. It helps.
Talking about a gratitude list… I’m really thankful with life because you all don’t know how I’ve had to deal with bad thoughts. Those ones that make you think life is not worth it. I have to admit, that it’s not very often but sometimes they come out of nowhere.
nope dear fellow abuser of your DOC, you have nothing under control when you have to think about if you have something under control. It takes time to digest this fact, you are not alone 
. Share what’s on your plate, read around, connect, learn about addiction and recovery and how to navigate life sober. I promise you, there’s lots to learn, it never gets boring.
What you have in your control is not picking up that first drink. What sounds easy needs a shitload of work, strategies and a toolbox when you are serious about it. Because having something at hand when saying no to this first drink feels hard, that’s where recovery meets addicted brain. And addicted brain is a pro in manipulating you towards using your DOC, no matter if it’s a substance, a behaviour or something emotional.
My gotos and always back to basics are HALT, ODAAT, sit with it, this too shall pass and not thinking - doing.
You mentioned gratitude, there is a very active thread, if you wanna join the gratidudes share away, you are welcome.
I am 2 years 8 months and 18 days sober. And still I am only 1 drink away from fucking it all up.
Daily work it was makes sobriety. Every day, not just a day here and there. Every day, one day at a time.
Heyy dan @DanielRicardo
Stay strong and keep comming back
Life can get better
One day at a time 
Dont hate yourself for not being able to control your drinking. Your not alone.
I can’t control my drinking either. I have done a lot of stupid things drunk.
I have felt shame because of it. I have tried and failed many times to control my drinking only to fail and end up in the vicious cycle of shame.
When I drink i become wreckless. Its unpredictable. I never know what i will do. And the not remembering is horrible. Then when i hear about what i did. Its hard for me to believe. Im not like that without booze.
The further I get away from my last drink, the less guilt and shame I feel.
I havent done anything to be ashamed of sober. Im no longer that person who does things to feel guilty or ashamed.
I feel things like being proud of myself. I accomplish things to be proud of. And the best part is that I remember everything I do.
Its a much better life.
Like others have said, you’re not alone. I’m full of shame and guilt because for example I have called to my kids completely wasted and not remembering those calls next morning. It’s a horrible feeling but I know time heals everything. Just gotta stay sober and everything will be better. Stay strong, you got this! One day at a time.
I had the remarkable ability, while drinking, to forget some of the bad things on purpose. Some of the bad things are lost forever because I blacked out every time I drank, and a black out is a failure to form memories. I also denied or minimized or justified truly awful behavior.
Some of those tactics helped me in the short term to get sober. That crushing depression, the awful sinking feeling of helplessness following a drunk, that daily morning ritual of berating myself for “slipping up” again, that was the stuff I had to just ignore or delay dealing with. I could no longer drink it away, and I couldn’t properly deal with it, so I had to continue to suppress it.
After about a month sober on Antabuse and willpower, I finally went back to AA. And there, I found two very important strategies. First was a forum where people understood and even chuckled at stories about pissing their pants and other drunken terrible acts. I could release some of my guilt there by simply identifying with people who could not perform their job with a hangover but showed up and faked it anyway, and a host of other behaviors. Second, AA gave me a concrete set of directions to follow to actually free myself of the “tormenting ghosts of the past” as it is referred to in the AA literature.
@erntedank asked the question and I will re-iterate it. If you are serious about not drinking, what is your plan? Hope is not a strategy, it is a motivator to action. What will you do with the hope you find here on Talking Sober and in other sober communities?
The gratitude thread has been mentioned, so let me add a few more direct and helpful conversations to the list.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your sobriety.
You can either decide to stop now or else wake up in 20 years and find yourself asking the very same question. Only with 20 more years of depression, problems, regret and remorse tacked on. You’re at the top of a very slippery slope. Coming here is a great step in the right direction.
I felt the same after drinking - like this deep sadness that wouldn’t lift. Stopping alcohol helped a lot, but talking to someone and getting outside made a big difference too.