Yeah I’m a trauma drinker too. Part of my relapse was because my triggers had come back into my life an alcohol fueled get together just finished it off. The other part was my addictions fault (so mine). It’s difficult however the alcohol doesn’t help. We think it’s fixing the trauma but it’s not. You need to reach out to a therapist or someone who can help you through that
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In the future, please do not post on the main forum while under the influence as it’s against the forum rules. It can very easily trigger someone in recovery and cause them to relapse, so we discourage it.
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That’s one of the reasons you’re so negative about yourself: it’s gotta be perfect or it’s worthless, nothing in between. Abuse creates conditions perfect for that mindset: fear, desperately seeking love and acceptance while at the same time terrified of setting off the explosions, the rage. Desperately trying to keep things from blowing up. (Which is weird because he should be responsible for his emotions, not you. And yet, somehow, children sense they are responsible for keeping things from blowing up.)
But - that is in the past. I know it was hard and it still haunts you, but you are an adult now and you are responsible for your own emotions. Your father’s behaviour was a traumatic part of your past, but he is not the reason you do what you do today.
It’s good that you’re going for counselling Monday. That will help. You’ll strengthen your emotion management the same way you strengthen muscles at the gym, and you’ll come out stronger and healthier.
Keep it up brother, one day at a time 
Keep checking in here. You will reach your goals 
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@Zach2 it’s really wonderful news you’re pulling yourself up and making changes. Do them. Every fucking day. Do the next right thing. Is something I often tell myself, if things get hard and confusing.
Here are some links I find helpful.
Resources for our recoveryAdvice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser
Mental health memes and discussion (Part 1)
Daily Gratitude List. Gratitude The Air Of Recovery
Hope to read your daily check in here. You can do it brother. I know because of all the miracles on this site. We have been where you are.
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Yep you’re right. Sorry. Won’t happen again
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No problem today. The struggle usually doesn’t hit me til bout day 3. Staying strong this week no matter what.
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Hey nice work sir, you came back, credit for that. Showing up is half the battle sometimes really. You’re among friends here, glad you’re doing the things.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. Accountability has to still matter, of course, but it’s okay to just slowly move to a better place. The big feelings are gonna probably show up again real soon, and it’s okay to just let those things go by.
This is kinda cheesy but helped me a little: think of addiction, thoughts and feelings like cars on the freeway of your mind. They don’t all matter and you could just observe them, see what’s there, and let it go by. Don’t run after every car. Same rules too. Don’t just step into the freeway during traffic. There should be caution, some rules, and a general idea of the place you’re trying to get to.
Are there random fast paced cars that come out of nowhere? Yes. These are impulses and mood swings. If you can identify them, run to a safe (non-using) place again and regroup. You’ll get better at traveling the road of your mind as time goes on. Just don’t stop letting yourself travel forward. You’re allowed and deserve to make progress. It’s your worth too
You can do it
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How’s it going, Zach?
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Still going strong. But it’s day 3. Got the urge today while bush hoggin and cutting grass. But lemonade sufficed. 24 hours at a time
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Good for you zach. Keep checking in, keep reading. Nice thing about ts is it’s a good place to be instead of drinking 
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Push through brodie, alcohol is honestly lame as hell. Not even that fun.
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Morning Zach 
thibking of you this morning. What’s on the agenda today?
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Gym. A few appointments. Coach my little girls soccer team. Eat and bed. Lol. I appreciate you checking in on me. I really do.
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Yea I’m a decent human without it. And a complete asshole with it…
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A solid day. Not drinking makes it possible to be present for all those things, instead of constantly thinking about when the next drink is coming. It’s a nice feeling 
Maybe share a gym selfie? It’s nice to see what others are doing and share a bit of your own progress. There’s a good team of gym folk here:
Enjoy the day!
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There is no “but” in sobriety…every day sober is to be cherished, celebrated, and is important. Good job!
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Make sobriety your foundation for everything else in your life; meaning your foundation needs to be strong to withstand the urges. Life is so much better without it!
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Yea I saw that. Been working out for 20 years. Half working out. Half drinking. Man if I only hadn’t been drinking this whole time
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Lordy there’s so much time lost - I think all of us here have been in the same situation 
Bush hoggin plus booze sounds unwise. You chose the correct beverage. You go, man!!
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