Hi @Melrm. Greet in a special way means that when I come home, I do more than just a peck on the cheek. It could mean that I give her a long kiss or an extra few hugs or give her a nice compliment as I’m greeting her.
An unexpected kind gesture could be buying a gift or rubbing her back or sending a special note. Today, for instance, I sent her an animated message to her email letting her know that I love her.
Love Challenge day 5. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? No
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes
Did I call her from work? No
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 6. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? No
Did I call her from work? No
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 7. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes, bought her a trinket at the dollar store.
Did I call her from work? No
Did I pray with her? Yes
Weekly to-do list:
05/07/17
Prayer. 6
Bible. 6
Worship. 5
Pray with wife. 5
Clean. 4
Workout. 3
Family. 3
Read with girls. 2
Outreach. 3
Forum. 7
Wife.
Work. 1
45 points
Love Challenge day 8. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes, but I was very tempted.
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? No
Did I call her from work? No, I had no work.
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 9. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes, I bought her roses.
Did I call her from work? I did, but it was done too late in the day. Lunch time is better.
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 10. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes, I we had a nice talk outside to share about our day when she came home.
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? No
Did I call her from work? Still too late in the day. Not during lunchtime.
Did I pray with her? No. Got to get with it on this one. 
Sunday and Monday were days in which I felt very weak. What I mean by that is I felt vulnerable to act out. I was more prone to fantasy, and it was more challenging to not keep custody of my eyes when outside. Looking back, I felt I made it through those days really well. Without vigilance on my part, my mind will stray leading me to believe that porn and soliciting prostitutes is not hurting anybody.
Tuesday morning, I listened to a couple of victims’ stories of abuse via being sexually trafficked. For some reason, those accounts seem to shock me back into sanity. And there seems to be no shortage of material. Even with all the work it takes to put together a documentary, a sermon, a podcast, or a story. It will take me over a year to get through it all.
To be honest, I have never demonstrated this level of custody over my mind and eyes. And I’m still concerned that I’ll revert back to my fantasies in some time. But I’m still plugging away. And as for porn and MB? Though it’s incredibly accessible to me every day, I still have not considered acting out. I’ve had quantity sobriety before, and I’ve had quality sobriety as well. There is a difference. But honestly, these past sixty days have been the best quality sobriety ever. Very happy with myself over this short time. And today, I’m glad to say that my mind is in a very good state.
You all have to know that I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with sex. Sex is a good thing, really. But I’ll share an interesting concept about porn addiction.
When someone mentions sex or even love, as a PA, my mind immediately reverts to porn. That’s probably the last thing on others’ minds, but a PA has trouble distinguishing between sex, love, and porn. I’ve fed my mind with so much porn. It’s no surprise that I’ve developed a warped sense of reality. I know now that when people share about loving sex and about how beautiful and awesome it is, they are not necessarily talking about all the acts witnessed in porn. It took me a loooooong time for me to see that. And it’s no wonder that it’s made relationships extremely challenging. I mean, here I am trying to search for Ms. Porn Star, or trying to mold my wife into Ms. Porn Star, and instead, I’m placing magical qualities on other people without being aware of it. I was clueless about women and relationships. To give you an idea, here is my Magic Lady:
Always nice – never in a bad mood
Likes sex simply for the physical pleasure and orgasm
Is always in the mood for sex
Doesn’t want romance
Doesn’t mind in I’m home late every day
Doesn’t mind if I’m late period
Is always physically attractive
Has no defects of character
Never argues
Never complains
Never trys or desires to change me
Only talks when I want her to
Says only things that make me feel good
Doesn’t say or do anything that makes me feel bad
Always grateful and satisfied of her relationship with me
Always feels “in love” with me
Always agrees with me
Makes decisions efficiently without changing her mind
Doesn’t mind if I’m not monogamous
Doesn’t mind if I look at or flirt with other women
In conclusion, I want to share something from the AA big book. This is the last chapter of the last personal story. It reads:
Above all, we reject fantasizing and accept reality. The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything. I imagined getting even for hurts and rejections. In my mind’s eye, I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar where I stood nursing a drink, and was instantly exalted to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world. A.A. led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms. And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself. And with others. And with God.
Thank you, everyone.
Love Challenge day 11. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? No
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? No
Did I call her from work? Yes
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 12. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes. I bought her a scented candle.
Did I call her from work? No. It was my day off.
Did I pray with her? No.
@KevinesKay, I wish I had someone to put that much thought and care into thinking about me and a day she’s very lucky:hugs:
It’s been way too long since I’ve posted on this thread. I have been slacking on keeping track of my to-do list and love challenge. For that, I apologise. Because to me, it’s important that I hold myself accountable to you for doing the good things that I need to do. And yes, I’ve been doing good things for myself. It’s been a great few weeks actually. But I’ve not been documenting that and sharing that with my support system. Sounds like doing it on my own, not good. So I’m recommitting to my to-do list and to my love challenges. They work for me.
Hearing a lot about intimacy anorexia from other wives of PAs. Common theme. I asked my wife if she thought I was being an Intimacy anorexic in our marriage. She said that I’ve gotten much better in that area. I’m so relieved. Gives me hope to continue. And that I can be a sufficient partner. Love is still hard for me to grasp, but there is a lot of hope. Apparently, the love challenge shows me that little thoughts of love do mean a lot.
Every day I’ve been listening and reading stories, sharings, and experiences of others that have been affected by porn and the sex industry. And it has been very sobering. To this day, not only have not acted out in P or MB in 68 days, well,
I haven’t even entertained fantasies or lust in my mind during this period.…
It’s not always been easy, every day, I’m tempted to check out a girl, undress her in my mind, entertain sex fantasies with someone else besides my wife. But I’ve honestly taken each day at a time to keep custody of my eyes and my mind. And I can’t explain how this is happening, but I’ve been putting my mind and eyes on other things. Never thought this would ever be possible for me.
But back to above, I need to keep practicing consistency with checking in with how my day and week have been. Yeah, I’ve been posting, just not about what’s going on with me…
And offering insight to help others does help me in a big way, but I won’t do it at the expense of my own needs. Thanks for supporting me everyone. Enjoy this sober holiday weekend.
Okay, let’s do this!
Love Challenge day 13. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes. I bought her a picture that said I love you.
Did I call her from work? No. It was my day off.
Did I pray with her? Yes.
Good day yesterday.
Love Challenge day 14. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? Yes, I left her a surprise cheerful voicemail.
Did I call her from work? No. It was my day off.
Did I pray with her? No
Love Challenge day 15. Did I:
Refrain from saying anything negative to my wife? Yes
Give her a compliment? Yes
Tell her that I love her? Yes
Greet her in a special way? Yes
Do a kind unexpected gesture for her? No
Did I call her from work? No.
Did I pray with her? No
Hi everyone. I have been away for a couple of days. Sorry about that. I have been impossibly busy. And I don’t know when the madness will stop in my life, but I’m not going away.
Some major things I’m addressing in my life are my mortgage. Ugh! They’ve made me jump through so many hoops. And I can’t tell when it’s to go through. It was originally scheduled for May 29. Now, the new target is June 15.
Our air conditioner is out. I’m waiting on a couple of parts in the mail. Hopefully, that should fix it.
And I’m still working on fixing my son’s car. Brakes still don’t work so I’ll need to change the master cylinder.
At least I can do these things. 
Oh, and another thing, the other forum I’m part of for PAs? The one that no one else is on? New people just came out of the woodwork. Can’t keep up with it all. But it’s amazing. And this porn thing I’m dealing with personally. I still don’t want any part of it in my life. Yeah, there’s a high when I use. But life is much better when I demonstrate sexual stability. And I have. It’s amazing. Thank you all. The encouragement I received here played a huge role in that.
But onto more important things. I’ve not been documenting my to-do list or my love challenge. Yes, I’ve been doing the behaviors. But I failed to make myself accountable to you for that. For that, I’m sorry, because that is a true reflection of how my recovery really is progressing, not my sobriety. Experience has taught me that fact.
Pleased to check in again though. Good to be here. Thanks for all of your strength. Stay strong and sober everyone!
I bought my house! Finally! I’m a homeowner. Yea! 
What what, killin it, homeowner style! Congrats, that’s awesome! 
