So… I don’t even know how many times this is… i had spent most of last year in treatment… and when i nearly hit 6 months, i relapsed… literally the day before 
… So, my DOC is meth… and lately the stuff that has been going around has been cut with fentanyl… in my 11 years, now, of tweaker career, i have never experienced kicking opiates… I used to feel bad for opiate users and heroin junkies when they were kicking… well when i relapsed right before reaching 6 months i apparently had been slamming shitty meth cut with fentanyl… so i was so miserable my first week clean…i felt like theres no way I’m going back ever again…i felt truly done… i had set up outpatient, i got a new sponsor, i was getting back in my circle of friends from recovery… and wham bam… why of all things i find so randomly a perfectly new point with meth ready to be slammed? First off, i don’t even know where this appeared from because every single rig i make are used saber day, i never save it for a rainy or a different day… if rig is made, rig is used that day… So i find it extremely odd… but i did have a friend come over once and he twacked out hardcore, maybe it was his … Well i came to that split second to make a decision to call my new sponsor and throw it away or put it in my veins… i decided to put it in my veins… And its been 24 hours and yesterday was my birthday… My actual birthday…and i had planned to Attend an in person meeting and have dinner with my sober friends…but, i couldnt cuz i was twacked out of my mind… but im glad this really unexpected turn was short lived cuz… i cant do this anymore… trying to keep my head up and just pick up where i left off… im not gonna be hard on myself… i will be ok.
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Welcome! 
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Welcome again Brian.
Here’s a few other threads to take a look at if you’re interested.
I like this one a lot just to check in and be accountable. And give and receive support.
This place has been a great place for me to get support in my sobriety.
Here are two other good threads to look at if you like.
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It will be if u really want it pal
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