Hes over 6 ft if i cut his ankles off he’ll be the same height as me .
I’ll bet you do either 1 pushup or 1 situp every day, depending how you wake up.
I’ll take that compliment , it’s the whole not asking permission thing , don’t get me wrong when it’s mutual you just know and just click and permission is mutually given
So maybe just let him know he’s standing in the friendzone.
I don’t think it was meant for you specifically, because there’s alot of people who aren’t willing to try AA or some program on this forum… It’s not the first nor the last time we’ll see an argument about someone who doesn’t want to go to meetings and others for who it works.
Therapy is definitely great at addressing the mental health component of addiction. Counseling is great for addressing addiction. AA has helped me change my life. Each thing has a huge benefit. I will caution you that many therapists recommend AA, so don’t be surprised if you get hit with more of it. Also, you don’t have to be social to be in AA. I go to meetings with a guy for like a year and I don’t believe we’ve ever talked. I’m not saying you should go, but I’m saying your research probably doesn’t paint a.complete picture. I used to have all sorts of precondition notions about AA that are probably pretty similar to yours. I was 100% wrong.
I’m assuming you think that I’m singling you out, but I can honestly say I see a lot of traits in you that I had when I was first trying to get sober. Most of those things hurt me in the long run. You may think I’m mean and that’s fine, but I genuinely want you to succeed.
You do know you can go to meetings and not talk and just listen…right? If they come to you. you can politely pass and no one will say anything. You dont even have to be socialable when you go to meetings. I dont small talk alot myself or am i very socialable inperson. I used to sit and just listen most the time. A few times i shared but never long. Just like they always say…“dont knock it til ya try it”
I dont think you need a complete picture to decide whether something is for you or not. Residential Rehab was most likely the best option for me but I barely looked into it because I couldnt afford it so you could say I snubbed away my best chance at recovery.
Sometimes people that go to AA remind me of the JW’s that turn up on my door step every 2 weeks - Wont listen, wont accept that their way isn’t the best for everyone yet the majority of addicts I know have recovered without it. I said all along my recovery if I had the time to go, i’d go but this kind of persuasion really rubs me up the wrong way. I know the chance of recovery is greater WITH AA than without it but actually, it just isnt for some people.
Did you miss the rest of that post where I said all those other things have great benefits. I don’t even know why she thinks I’m attacking her in the first place. It’s one thing to not be able to afford something, but you even said that it was probably your best shot at recovery. You knew it would work but couldn’t make it work.
I couldn’t care less if someone goes to AA or not bc I will stay sober. It just sucks watching people rule out all these options before they even try them. It happens with things other than AA too. And I defend those programs as well. I even defend programs I don’t agree with. I definitely don’t rule anything out bc like I said any program will work for anyone if they are willing.
I didnt miss what you said; what i’m pointing out that you don’t necessarily need to see all the facts to decide that something isn’t for you if the facts you already have seen don’t correspond. Even a full picture, addicts will ignore - we all knew what mess our DOC’s were capabale of getting us into yet we still went ahead and used them.
My point is if you feel that something is not for you, whether you’ve tried it or not, based on a calculated assessment of the information in front of you, there’s a good chance that whatever ‘it’ is probably isn’t for you… its a take it or leave it situation.
Where did you see that AA was the only way? I assume we’re talking to notBob tonight, yes?
Kitchen Nightmares - Theres a man who promotes Truth and Tough Love.
I responded to you saying I didn’t go to AA and you didn’t respond directly to me at all. And I’m not saying you had to lol Just pointing out that you are capable of reading with out directly responding to every person (recommending AA or not). If the advice isn’t for you, no need to even respond to someone.
Btw I loved @funnydad’s nickname of “Not Bob” lol happy Bob is gone either way.
You’re struggling with addiction which wants to keep you on the dark side so I don’t blame you.
Yay
Its also worth pointing out and adding to what Derek and Lea are saying here that this particular thread is a ‘No-Bullshit’ thread. As the title says, ‘Truth and Tough Love’. There may be subject matter that you see in yourself and thats really the point.
Truth and Tough Love got Derek clean and he’s going from strength to strength because of it. A little truth and tough love never hurt anyone but if you’re not ready to read things that will touch a nerve, (albeit in general and not personal) best to avoid this thread. I don’t know how many people exactly are on this forum but the ‘AA wont work for me’ line comes up a lot. All lines come up a lot - Were alcoholics and Junkies and we’re all in this together! In the same breath, if you do see something that touches a nerve, maybe its something you should explore for yourself further.
You’re doing great, NotBob, keep it up
Hey @Englishd I remember you said that the word “trigger” was to used in a specific condition like TPSD. I can’t find where it has been said, but it has been on my mind since I red this. I don’t know why but it’s still on my mind. As a psychology researcher and therapist student I just have to say that I don’t think that’s right… This word is used in psychology in French as “déclencheur” so it means that something “triggers” you to do something… I understood when I red your post about it that you meant that there was an overuse of “stuff that triggers the urge to drink or use” but actually even in addiction troubles it is known that the fact that a lot of things “triggering” the uses is a symptom or a sign that there is an addiction. Like if there is 367 things “triggering” uses that is a sign that there’s an addiction. Like it’s not normal that a publicity trigger an urge to use (like, it’s meant for it, but it’s not supposed to leave you totally out of control). But the word is appropriate to use when there’s an actual inappropriate trigger. It’s still true about someone seeing something that trigger a déjà-vu or a flashback from an accident or anything PTSD related.
All this said, I understood your post when I red it in its context, but I felt like I had to say this. No tough love, just fact I had on my mind.
Yeah theres no doubt practical experience counts for a lot, its easier for me personally to take advice from someone else who has fucked up their life just as much as i have, addiction is pretty hard to relate to if u havent been through it urself, plus Im hardheaded as hell like that lol. I cant even tell ya how many people have told me to “just stop drinking or stop doing heroin and taking pills”…Jeez Karen, i never thought of it that way, is that really all i gotta do?? Hallelujah and praise the saints, im cured!!!
Ima just gonna say, its fine to say that youve decided to not try some sort of program because you’re trying something else, but i think it’s totally wrong to say that you’ve completely ruled something out if you have not actually tried it. Reading the book and the research is one thing, but going to the meetings and working the steps is why it works.
Let me also say that I’m not an alcoholic, so i dont have experience in the AA program. I have worked proframs that are based on AA’s 12 step program though and can say that it’s totally effective. Any program is bound to be successful, if you dedicate yourself to it 100%. As long as it’s got a good structure, of course.