Thanks for the tag, @SoberWalker.
Some of my story is here: 365th day of sobriety
And here: 11 months and what it was like
What it was like: I grew up in an upper middle class home, with no alcohol, except that my parents drank a couple Manhattans on Christmas. That said, I later about some family secrets of drug abuse. My alcoholic behaviour manifested itself before I started drinking. When I was 13, I started shoplifting compulsively, which resulted in an arrest. It was jarring to be just 13 years old and in handcuffs, a police car, finger prints, and mugshots. I remember being locked in a room and banging my head on the cement wall wanting to die of the shame.
The first time I drank, I was 16 or 17. I drank vodka cranberry juice to blackout. At the time, I was taking an anti-depressant and I put the blackout down to the mixing of alcohol with the meds. I wanted to be able to drink, so I stopped taking my meds and lied to my parent and psychiatrist about it.
I then just carried on drinking. I was underage so I did all sorts to get alcohol, convincing men at gas-stations to buy it for me (I mean, who does that?!) and later making fake ids. I started snorting whatever I could get my hands on - usually other kids’ prescription drugs. I also started smoking pot daily, from waking up. A few instances stand out: eating mushrooms by myself first thing in the morning and then becoming so paranoid that I locked myself in my room and thought about calling 911 because I thought I was dying. Drinking a huge amount until early in the morning, then getting up for work, taking bong hits, and then having a seizure in a coffee shop on my way to work, resulting in a hospital admission (where I lied to doctors, work and family). After a night of drinking and ecstasy, I was paranoid that I barricaded myself into my room and wouldn’t come out for two days. By this time, I had moved to the UK and was studying a Masters Degree. Despite all my alcohol and drug use, I always did exceptionally with school.
I continued daily drinking and drug use. I married someone that drank and drugged too. I was always drawn to people who drank and drugged even more than I did. I could drink and drug how I wanted, whilst feeling like and looking like “the good one” of a pair. My marriage blew up in an alcoholic mess - he got violent when he drank and I was on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse and death threats, followed by sincere apologies the next day. That whole situation is another mess for another day, but the interesting piece is that after we split, he got sober and I did not.
I was living in London and carried on developing my career and drinking how I wanted. I always excelled at my professional career and received several promotions. The culture was such that we could go out to lunch and drink over lunch. Sometimes I would go back to work drunk, sometimes I wouldn’t go back to work except to clock out. I was taking naps in the archive room to sleep off hangovers. I didn’t drink in the mornings, but I had a period of about 6 months of taking codeine in the mornings and afternoon to take the edge off until I could drink again in the evening.
During this time, people thought I was highly successful. I was working 60 hours a week and putting myself through law school part time. I qualified with distinction as a barrister and then started practising law. I realised I needed to reign it in as a lawyer, so I kind of did for a bit. I didn’t drink on evenings before going into court. But I made my world smaller and smaller and stopped going to court on Mondays and Fridays, and then I didn’t care if I drank on nights before court.
I didn’t drink everyday and I kept these weird calendars to prove that I wasn’t an alcoholic. I had a sticker chart with days that I didn’t drink because I figured that if I didn’t drink 2-3 days in a week, I couldn’t be an alcoholic. But when I did drink, I would have a huge binge, drinking to blackout. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t drink in moderation. I would go out with the intention of drinking one or two glasses of wine, but would end up there until 2am drinking - I was always the last person at the bar or the party. I would have the intention of alternating alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, but once the first drink was in me, all bets were off.
I would black out, throw up, not know how I got home, make unsafe decisions (getting into cars with strangers, going home with strangers that I met at bus stops, etc), I missed flights, was kicked off public transportation. The next day I would wake up mortified and in shame and ask myself “why do I keep poisoning myself?!” but then go on to do it again.
Everyone thought I was so successful, but I was so miserable I wanted to die. I would go to therapy and then go home and drink. I thought the problem was the job, the boyfriend, the city, the friends, etc etc. But really the problem was me and was alcohol. I thought about asking for help, but the thought of acknowledging there was a problem was too overwhelming. Instead, I blew up my life and moved back to the USA. I thought I needed a “reset” and didn’t drink for 37 days. It was awful, but at the end I felt good and then started drinking again.
I let alcohol rule my life. I said I would never drive drunk, but broke that rule. I was looking to buy a house and decided it was important to me to live within walking distance to a bar. I wasn’t drinking all the time, but if I wasn’t drinking I was thinking about drinking. Because I no longer lived in walking distance to a shop with easy access to alcohol, I started stock-piling booze in my house out of fear of running out.
What happened: In September 2018, during the Kavanaugh hearings, I had a mental breakdown. The public discourse being about actions that men took, when drunk, that were abusive to women triggered some long buried PTSD. I began obsessively thinking about my own experiences and trauma, much of which took place when I was drunk too, and fixated on trying to remember the details. If I needed to, could I recall and recount details? Would I be discredited for being drunk at the time too? My mental state became unstable and I started to feel unsafe and not trusting my own actions. I was having violent fantasies and seriously considering arson. My friends and family started to feel concerned about me and my safety. On the morning of 13 October, I woke up and thought “I need to not be drinking right now, it is not safe”.
I realised that maybe “not drinking right now” needed to be longer than the immediate term, but the feeling of not drinking was starting to crush my soul. I white knuckled it through 20 agonizing days, before, with the kind support of people on this forum, walking into my first AA meeting. I introduced myself “I’m Ariel and I don’t know what I am” and I cried and cried and cried. The women lifted me up and gave me their phone numbers and told me I was in the right place and to keep coming back. So I kept going back. I was surprised to hear people telling stories where I could relate to their feelings and experiences.
I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, but there were all these people that I could relate to what they were sharing about their deepest feelings. Many of them looked like normal, professional people. They looked like me. Even the ones that didn’t look like me talked in ways that I could relate to. I took what I wanted and left the rest.
I went to a lot of meetings, sometimes up to 4 in a day. I kept crying at meetings. In sobriety, I came to realise that I was an alcoholic. The feelings of abstinence were so hard that I could only focus on one day at a time. I knew I could not drink for one day, but the thought of long-term sobriety made me feel distraught. I didn’t think that was a sign of a “normal drinker”. It took me four attempts to finally get rid of all the alcohol and drugs stashed in my house. Each time it felt painful and I would cry for days. It felt like I was grieving the loss of the most important relationship in my life. I felt like sobriety was the hardest and most important thing I had ever done.
What it is like now: Today, I have 1 year and two weeks of continuous sobriety from alcohol and drugs. Never in my wildest dreams would that happen. I still cry a lot. In fact, I cried this morning about a conflict at work. But the point is that today, I feel things. I am not afraid of my feelings. I embrace those feelings and welcome them in. I have a capacity for joy that I never knew was possible. I thought life was to be endured and now I have a beautiful life with many things to feel grateful for. I am genuinely happy to be alive and sober. It is like my life turned from black and white to technicolour. Life isn’t always easy, but it is always beautiful.
I still go to about 3-5 AA meetings a week. I don’t go because I have to, I go because I want to. Because they make me feel better. Sober alcoholics can be the most open, kind, insightful and interesting people that I have ever met. I always learn from my fellows. Many of them have become my dear dear friends. I have friendships that are closer than any other relationship that I ever had before. We share our deepest feelings and laugh and cry together.
I’ve also found a sense of peace, serenity and spirituality that I never thought was possible. I meditate with a Buddhist Sangha and find ways to connect with the universe, which brings me a lot of peace. Now people say things to me like “I like being around you”, “you have great energy”, “you always seem so calm”. No one ever said those things to me before.
I do things like go on vacations to yoga and meditation retreats. I do yoga. I read books about personal development. I think often about how to learn more about my true self and how to be a better person. Today, I am grateful to be sober, but I know I only have today, so I never take it for granted. The greatest act of self-love I have ever done was to stop poisoning myself. It takes a lot of work and commitment, but it is possible and it is worth it. 
Now I am going to tag @MandiH and @anon46927530 and @Dejavu and @Eke , should they wish wish to share their stories.