“No thank you I just had a bar of soap”. That confuses the person offering the drink and then the subject gets dropped.
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Just say “I don’t drink” you don’t have to give a reason it’s just something you don’t enjoy any more. You have made a commitment to your health and feel great not doing it . She should support you. You dont have to worry I’ve found that usually it’s the drinkers that think they have to justify what they do once they find out that you don’t.
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I just always get me a beverage to start and never let it get empty, so I can always say “I’m Good”
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Just say " no thanks. I’m good."
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Me too. And at least we are trying. You have to start somewhere which is important.
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Yeah, early in recovery we all get so wrapped up in ourselves and worry about what everyone else thinks and 9 times out of 10 it’s really fruitless…we kid ourselves that people actually give a shit lol and in an attempt to manifest itself again the addiction plays those thoughts up even worse, but honestly most people really dont care, they’re too wrapped up in themselves and their problems to give it a second thought. I’m with @anon62920945 tho, lying about it just leads to having to tell more lies and keep different stories straight in ur head when just owning it and admitting it could 1. Take a little weight/stress off your mind or 2. Lead someone else to realize they have a problem as well and potentially help them. Now I understand there are situations where it might have negative repercussions, potential issues with ur job or something, so in every case a simple “nah I’m good” will suffice. Guaranteed 90% of the people u say that to will leave it at that and not say another word…ur problems are ur problems and they aren’t gonna want to get into it, but if u get one that does ask why just say “I’m not feelin it” or “I dont drink” and they should take the hint. For the stubborn asshats that continue to ask play em this video 
Again, all of this can be avoided with a simple “No thanks, I’m a recovering alcoholic” no muss, no fuss, no beating around the bush, and like I said it could plant a bug in someone elses mind that they need to address their own problem. Another benefit is that they might actually help you out…3 months in I had to go to one of my best friends weddings, no skipping it as worried as i was about going cuz i was in the wedding lol, but i told him and his wife beforehand and the 2 of them as well as his brother helped run interference for me, whenever someone offered me a drink they found a reason to pull me away or change the subject and that led to a lot less of me having to recite my spiel over and over.
Personally one thing I’ve learned along this journey so far is this: at some point we have to admit we are alcoholics and the sooner the better because to hide it is nothing more than catering to the addiction, apologizing to the booze (which it most certainly DOES NOT deserve) and leaving ourselves an out to avoid persecution from people who might recognize were at it again quicker if we relapse. It’s the same thing as keeping ur drug dealers number in ur phone and telling urself you can just be friends with the guy…its leaving the door cracked and watching it when the problem could be solved much easier by slamming it shut and turning the deadbolt. Like @jante76 said, keep it simple and go ahead and eliminate that stress from your life in every instance you can that wont have adverse effects on your life.
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A couple I have seen on here is: that you are on antibiotics (for whatever ailment you want to make up) and can’t drink on them. You have to be up super early (for whatever reason you want to make up).
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I guess I feel like I need to explain a bit more since this went the way it did. FWIW, I wasn’t always anti-lying. I was a fantastic liar. I lied to everyone, myself included. And then my lies nearly cost me everything I love. In early recovery, I came here with regret about a harmless white lie I had told. Someone with far more sober time than I have said “you invited chaos into your home, now you have to sit with it” and that’s when I decided to stop lying. When I think about the kind of person I want to be, trustworthy is near the top of the list.
People will have different opinions than you in every part of your life. Sometimes other sober people will tell you they don’t agree with your approach or offer you feedback that doesn’t resonate with you, that’s part of being in a community. If something doesn’t work for you, it may be exactly what someone else need to hear who reads this thread in six months.
If lying feels good to you, by all means love every second of it. I can’t join you in that because it’s behavior that is tied directly to my addiction. It’s not about a high horse, its about a higher power and having gone down that road enough that I am actively choosing never to go back.
I’m genuinely hoping the sober evening went well.
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Thank you @Rayman261you have summed that up perfectly for me. 
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Hi everyone, I tried posting sooner, but I guess you’re only allotted a certain number of posts at a time. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone that wrote to me. I used some of the advice I received and it turned out to really not be a big deal like I had built it up to be in my mind. Classic Me! Dinner was nice and I didn’t lie, per se, I just didn’t divulge all the details. I look up to those of you that have no problem being completely up front and honest in social situations about their history with alcohol and their new way of life, I’m just not quite there yet. This is a totally new concept for me, being a non-drinker, I’m finding it scary to identify myself that way. But as someone pointed out, that is probably partly because I subconsciously don’t want to be judged if i relapse. I will just have to keep working on these parts of myself and becoming more truthful with myself and others. I’m just grateful I found this community. It’s nice to know we are all on the same team and supporting each other on this journey. So I’m going to keep checking in and posting if I’m feeling weak, or have a question, or just need to know someone else is out there fighting the good fight. Thanks again! Hope everyone has a great day! 
(31!)
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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your perspective. Some great advice in there and the bit about leaving myself an out definitely hit a nerve. That video is great, I can so relate to feeling like that 
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Keep on coming back and posting! That limit drops once you hit the Member trust level and you’re well on your way.
Hahaha, that’s great to hear. So glad you came back to check in on how it went; I love everything about this post! Congrats on one month. 
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We have all been there and been more worried about situations than they deserve. It’s always weird trying something new and the more you do it the easier it gets! That doesn’t mean opening up to everyone, but it does get easier to say no with confidence 
Glad to hear you navigated your way through it and hope you ended up having a nice time!
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Definitely! Glad it all worked out for you.
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@Rayman261 @Soberandstuff how are you two doing with the holiday parties? Any new suggestions that have worked for you?
I was at a holiday party with my team this week and learned that my team lead stopped drinking recently (bc he is getting chunky) and I remembered this conversation. Hope all is well!
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Few times I was offered a drink, one of them was on Thanksgiving. I said; I would love to but I can’t. Nobody asked further questions, offered other options. It was the truth. I would have loved to have a glass of wine but because I have a problem and I had the option to say no. The reason is nobodies business. Honesty is the foundation of sobriety in my book and I don’t have to explain myself if I turn down a drink.
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Hey there! Funny you should ask this, I actually just attended my first holiday function and really my first event where most people are drinking yesterday. It was my work party. Before we even left the office for the venue, someone had a bunch of nips and offered to each of us to do a celebratory shot. I just said oh no thank you. The girl immediately said oh are you sick? I just blurted out no I’m just not drinking right now. Don’t know why I said 'right now" but it just felt easier than ‘anymore’. Then at the party, people were asking what I was drinking and seemed disappointed or something when I said seltzer with lime. But I felt great, like I could really enjoy myself and talk to people without embarrassing myself and left at a reasonable time so I could still get things done I needed to. Some people asked why I wasn’t drinking and I said I just have a lot going on in my life and really need to stay sharp and focused. Which everyone knows is true, I’m in nursing school so that requires a lot of discipline and brain power. This positive experience gave me a little confidence that I can get through my other upcoming functions sober too. Thanks for checking in! 93 days today 
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Early on I said I was doing a sober challenge. I feel like that was a nice half truth. People accept 90 day health challenges, cleanses etc. If pressed you can say anything like “it makes me lack energy”, “my stomach can’t take it lately”, “I don’t need the calories”…
After 90 days when you keep doing it then you are simply not drinking because you prefer that lifestyle
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Chiming in with my experience of my first sober Christmas party, first time out with colleagues sober. The fact that I don’t drink any more came up with a couple of people when they asked me what I wanted to drink (water) or how I was getting home (driving).
Reactions were wow, good for you. I was asked why, but not in a rude way - I get that people are curious because it is unusual to be teetotal and they have seen me maxing it in the past. I just said I had a really tragic night out drinking, that I’d had more of them than I wanted and I decided to give it a break. And it’s been working for me so I’m keeping it going. That was it. It wasn’t a hot topic of conversation all night (why would it be?!) and most people either didn’t notice or didn’t say anything.
I talked to people whose company I enjoy, no embarrassing conversations with my boss and certainly nothing I can’t remember! Actually had a really nice chat with my boss and he said some things which were really lovely to hear. Was able to give another colleague a lift home who is on crutches after spraining her ankle, so she didn’t have to navigate public transport home or shell out for a taxi. Spent a grand total of £1.80 on drinks and woke up fresh this morning. Brilliant!
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