Continued daily check in
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Think I finally got it connected correctly, apologies!
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Just curious, do you just lock them at 2500 because it gets harder to load or something?
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The system automatically locks them at 2500 now. We used to just let them grow, but we ended up with several threads with over 15,000 replies and it was slowing down the server.
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Arg. I was just getting to where spending a weekend alone sober is mostly enjoyable now – only the occasional wave of craving and/or sadness that I broke up with my good friend craft cider and her friends too. I was looking forward to my weekend’s plans…
But – big trigger – Mom called me, sad, not sure why I won’t visit her. Pre-covid, when she needed me, I would jump in my car and drive for hours (work remotely for a few days), and be her superhero – as my Dad always was. She can’t remember (dementia) from one call to the next why I can’t come now. I go through it all again, but honestly – I feel like I’ve failed her, that I can’t take care of her the way Dad would have, that everything went down the way it did after he died (siblings – arg).
This is when I used to push pause on the pain for the rest of the day/evening, with variable amounts of wine, while taking more calls from her, ignoring texts from pals, and often waking in a ball of shame the next morning, nothing accomplished.
I know I don’t want to do it that way anymore. But the liquor store is open and a 10min walk away, and that part of my mind that says “but just one” is working on me. I’m going to try to get excited about making another fucking mason jar of flavoured sparkling water (lemon raspberry?), take my dog for a long walk in the forest – the mosquitos are bad, but it’s in the opposite direction of the store, and the birds seem to drown out my thoughts. I’m not a total failure - just a human.
Thanks for being here. If it weren’t for all of you, your struggles, your successes, your presences, I would feel super alone in this.
Today, and tomorrow, will not be “Day 00”.
M 
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You’re not a failure at all Emm. You’re facing this very triggering situation sober and you are devising ways to come through it sober too. You are actually dealing with all this instead of drowning your problems in drinking. You’re dealing with this like a himan being that is thinking and acting in a responsible grown up way. Yay you! Have a good walk with your pup. Do you have deet to ward of the mosquitos? Works for me. Youi are doing great friend. You’re moving forward. Keep going. Hugs.
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Day 50. During my last relapse, I made an absolute fool of myself and called everyone I know, telling them all of my issues and problems. Now people, especially my parents, are understandably concerned and keep on calling me wanting to talk. When sober, I’m usually very independent and rarely talk about what I’m going through. How do I deal with people checking in on me all the time? I just want to be left alone but I know I owe them after putting them through such a scare.
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Day 13 today and it’s my first day back at work I’ve had 6 months off ! It’s great to be back doing what I love to do and was lovely to have a reason to get up for … I’m feeling so blessed and greatful to have no anxiety especially after being off for so long … Hope everyone is ok and having a blessed day x
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Aww, thank you, friend – that is just what I needed. I wish that voice in my head, the one that says everything I wish it didn’t, came with a mute button – but I guess that’s where we all come in and help each other out… Thank you for your encouragement, when I doubt myself. Super grateful over here!
Yep, after returning from hikes with bites on my ears, forehead, knuckles even (never mind my ankles), I realized my bug spray from the health food store – kind of like the Dalai Lama of insect repellents – wasn’t going to do the job. Those mosquitos aren’t interested in peace! 
I now have the high-test stuff.
And so, armed with bear spray, bug spray, a bottle of yummy seltzer, and mucho gratitude for all the support I get here – I’m off for some trail therapy. Wishing you a restful, joyful, happy day 
M
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I don’t like talking about my problems with friends and family. I have a therapist, so I do have someone to talk to. I just have a hard time expressing feelings and sharing my issues with loved ones. I don’t want them to worry about me but not talking to them is just worrying them more. What a mess I’ve created for myself!
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congrats on your big 90. Wish you all the best for the future.
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Day 152. Had a sad spell last night with some stuff that I saw with my family. Came back stronger today and accepting it for what it is. Girls are taking a quick nap, it’s been a good day super hot, so sorry @CapriciousCapricorn I said I’d post pictures but these two brats will not put clothes on no matter how much I try and bribe them. They been going nakey in the back yard all day in and out of the pool, a couple of w.w.e smack downs between the two, after the nap will order some pizza and set off the fireworks I got. Figured I’d check in quick while it’s quiet have a good Saturday, much love everyone
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Girls after my own heart!
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Blessed 
2nd year very different to 1st. The downs were a lot harder than the 1st year and have required much more work to get out of.
One day at a time. Life is good. 
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Wow, great work!!
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Way to go Paul
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I cant even imagine the heartache and guilt from all that being placed in your lap. Its completely understandable to want that kind of pain to go away but i hope you stay strong. Even a complete stranger can see the sincerity in what youre saying and that youre trying your best. Be easy on yourself
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Checking in daily to maintain focus and also checking on and reviewing what has been successful and what fails. I have made a checklist of the good and the bad. So far I have succeed for 23 days. Marching boldly onto my 24th. Day.
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I was hoping year 2 would be easier 
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Congrats on 2 years!