353
Missed check in last night, I think for the first time. I didn’t forget. I should have checked in before I went out bc I was too tired when I got home after helping my friend prep her attic for painting today. I’ll check in again tonight when the number rolls over. Enjoy your Sunday!
Have I missed your birthday @SoberWalker ???
Happy belated birthday wishes Claudia 
Hope things with your cousin turn out for the good @Mischa84 . I’m so sorry you have to worry about him not being able to be there.
My brother and his wife are having a hard time with her son. Drug abuse and addiction effects life of so many people besides the addict… It is just hard.
Stay strong and positive my dear!
Checking in after a chilled day. Took Rocky for a beautiful walk this morning in the countryside, so blessed to live here. He absolutely loved it!! Looking after my poorly cat suki, she’s 15 and her dementia has progressed the last couple of weeks. Trying to make her life as easy as possible, thinking she’s loving the extra attention too! My boys came back from their dads yesterday, was meant to be today but they wanted to come home early, lovely having some extra time with them, though my nearly 16 year old spent most of it gaming till he wanted me to get the clippers out on his hair lol Apparently I did a better job then his barber so he’s now stationed me as his new one 
chilling at the mo with Rocky then an early night. Have appointment tomorrow with Archie’s consultant regarding his CFS, hoping that will go ok 
hope you have all had a blessed Sunday 
Checking in on the evening of day 462 AF.
Spent most of the day at the hospital with my wife; She started to feel quite unwell last night and we had to go to the Accident & Emergency dept this morning. A boatload of blood tests, blood pressure checks, xrays etc later and she’s back home in her own bed.
All about the pain management for her these days.
Luckily, as far as I know, he’s alright now more or less. We used to be very close, we grew up together in same house, he is 2 years older than me so we always were good friends. Together we fucked up ours young lives with never ending parties and drugs, later with alcohol. Apparently, when we started families etc we continued drinking but more secretly. I don’t even know what is he doing cause we barely talking, unfortunately we both are not phone calls type of people. I know i have to step up but i don’t know how
About @SoberWalker birthday, Ive seen thread about people having bday at February and Claudia was on the list, 3rd Feb. But I have some feeling it was few weeks ago she was celebrating 
idk, probably I’m wrong.
@SoberWalker help us 
Day 82. Hey everyone, just checking in. Yesterday was good went for my bike ride and had a blast, in the middle of shopping Mariah my ex messaged me and was like where is autumn, we had plans today with family for dinner. Well first of all she did not express this when I asked her in the morning if autumn could come, she was like I hope you guys didn’t feed her 
. I got so mad, I didn’t bitch at her or yell but I did say omg Mariah I’m sorry we ruined your plans sarcastically, I said I’m sorry but if my daughter is hungry I’m not going to let her starve for your plans and I said you should have expressed this that you had plans. I said yes we did Feed her and that they should be home soon. There was a little more bickering but w.e I moved on. Then this morning autumn messages me on snap chat saying daddy mommy told me you drink and do drugs and I shouldn’t want to be around you. She said she hates it there and wants to come with me. I kept my cool and told autumn I love her so much and that her and sissy will get to come with me soon enough. I seriously hate my ex, I never express it though it tell my kids how many times she cheated on me or ever talk bad about her. But my ex loves to do it about me and it is fucked up. Idk I’m just having a hard day but I know drinking or drugs won’t solve anything. I have zero desire to use anything. Fuck all that, sometimes I wish I was back home so I could be with my girls. But in the end I’m assuming no places will hire me for and I’m stuck here in Plattsburgh for a reason, I don’t have a damn clue what my higher powers plan is but I hope it has a happy ending. Much love
Good afternoon! Today is the beginning of day 4. By this time, I usually cave but NOT TODAY! I’m still feeling really confident and motivated. No cravings at all and I’m really focusing on introspection and making a list of things I want to accomplish today. Other times I’ve tried to quit, even when I hit my 35 days, I had to tell myself “I’m not going to drink today” all day long for the first week. Then I would spend the day battling cravings and urges. After that first week it got a lot easier, but never quite subsided fully. This time is different and I’m really thankful for that.
Last night I had a flashback. There was an image of me sitting at the bar frozen, stone faced while the rest of the patrons zoomed around me having a good time. Upon reflection, I realised that visual was a representation of how I felt at times. I’ve never been a bar/club person and a large majority of my drinking was private. But when I’m out in public, I tend to be hyper aware of myself and others around me (which allowed me to tolerate more alcohol). I have distinct memories of karaoke night with my best friend at our local bar (a rare treat at the time), and suddenly a wave of complete dissatisfaction would hit me. Usually I was already several drinks in. It would happen in the middle of what I would call a “good” moment. It felt like I emotionally froze and sank into a negative space of sadness and emptiness. Those moments were brief and, of course, I would chase it with another drink. I’m glad my mind encapsulated that moment for me. I’m also glad I’m subconsciously reminding myself of how miserable I actually was when I drank, instead of tricking myself into thinking I was happy in that moment.
Thank you @Naomi for posting this:
It really validated exactly what I felt to be true throughout my addiction and it’s probably the reason I had that enlightening flashback. The moment that buzz faded and I waited just a little too long for that next drink, the emotional “freeze and sink” would happen. If I drank enough, fast enough, I could avoid this feeling. This always lead me to my next drink in an endless attempt to cling to the top of that spiraling drain. Little did I realise that the drinks are what pulled the plug on that drain to begin with. I see that now and hopefully we can help others see that.
Stay strong, lovlies! 
U got this…keep going…One day at a time …its day 3 for meeh…
I really like this, thanks for sharing.
Day 63
Watched All Of Us Strangers. I don’t get emotional with movies often, but that movie made me cry. After that I had a long and a bit tiring talk with my mom. Thankfully I had to walk the dog, so got some fresh air in before bed. Tomorrow early morning to the hospital with the parents and after that rush to work for a meeting. Busy day but we’ll get through it hangover free
That sounds good. I did eat a huge donut with chocolate frosting. Not great but hangover free.
I relate to this 100%. I’d never really put words to this experience but you got it exactly. It’s a void that no amount of alcohol can ever fill.
Day 721
I stayed home from work today. I had sooo many things to do and dont have the time this upcoming week to get everything done. So i made sure to get a lot of things completed today. I did a huge grocery shop, got a workout in by pulling the wagon full of groceries thru sooo much snow, did laundry, did dishes, and now am prepping supper. I really had to get the grocery shopping done today bcuz i wont have time this week to do it, therefore we will run out of food. But its all done!
My son is feeling better! Yay!!! So grateful this was a short lived cold. But my husband seems to be sick now. I really wasnt effected at all for some reason. Not sure why.
Recovery wise… I am good today. I dont really have any urges to use.
Health wise… i could be better. Im definitly getting back on track tmrw. Ill be able to workout and plan my meals a bit. I have my Body Scan on Wednesday at the gym so i want to be at a place where I am usually at. Not eating like I am right now. This is ridiculous.
Anyway, glad to be clean and sober! Grateful for you all! 
Day 516. I have listened to one quote: “every new day is a present.
Another one: as an alcoholic I am condemned, but the sentence is fortunately suspended.
Enjoy your new free sober life. Worry less, love more. The key is the love. As an alcoholic I am
not permission to be anger.
One day at a time!, happy 24 hours!
Checking in day 34. Having a lazy Sunday and even the things I planned to do are on hold due to power outage. It’s a healthy reminder that I can’t control everything. I can control whether or not I drink today and I choose not to. Wishing everyone a good, healthy, sober week ahead.
@scorpn How are you doing Renee – them dreams can be so realistic and disturbing. This is the perfect place to post this as I’m sure many more would benefit knowing that drinking / using dreams are a reality and can leave us feeling unstable. Hoping you were able to get back to sleep and are doing better today 
@happy_trails I just learned that sometimes our posts are saved in drafts – can check by clicking on your image and then clicking on the profile – the menu that pops up has drafts. So grateful that you are feeling better and had a good time with friends.
@acromouse Way to go with your 1 month milestones friend!! 
@rob11 Way to go Rob – you will do a great job navigating your wheel! Wishing you luck with the job.
@wakikki OOF I am sorry for all the anxiety and what it is doing to you. I do hope all goes well for your EMDR. Maybe your mind is worried about that and is projecting more anxiety onto you. Try to breathe friend. I do hope things get better for you real soon 
@catmama23 oh my – that is a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling around. I see you wrote this 7 hours ago… how are you doing now? I am sorry for all the unpleasantness but yes, this too shall pass. I do hope you were able to find a safe space for yourself to deal with these lying thoughts – you are worthy, you are not a lose, you deserve a happy healthy addiction free life! Hoping that you were able to relax and have a better afternoon.
@maestro SO sorry friend – I am sending your wife some comfort and peace – I do hope her pain is better than manageable. Must have been a scary day.
@mindofsobermike Your new bike is fierce! Glad you got to go out riding. I am sorry for all the trouble with your ex Mike. You are right, drinking and drugging offer no solutions. Keep being the awesome dad that you are and doing your best.
@yesnomaybe Way to go with day 4 and going strong with stacking up the days! Here with you – looking forward to celebrating your milestones with you
Checking in on Sunday evening
410 days free of alcohol and weed
825 days free of cigarettes
Had a very pleasant day today. I got to spend a good portion of it with my mom which i am so very grateful for. Got way more done than i had expected to – mostly cause i really had nada planned for today 
I am happy to have had a productive and active day. More grateful to be resting now and about to call it a night.
Another day in the books of being addiction free! Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening. Sending you all so much love 
Day 36, off for sunrise swim before going to work, have a great week everyone
