Hi, sorry if this isnt a allowed. I’m new to this app but not necessarily new to attepting to become sober…
Im a regular relapser and i’m wondering what you guys do in social situations were everyone drinks & uses? I’m good at keeping my mind clear when I’m home alone but as soon as i go out with friends, my will power is virtually non existent…
Its starting to get me down and its making me want to stay in! I was a month sober until Saturday the longest i’ve stayed clean for… any help you guys can offer or any support would be really appreciated… thankyou x
Hi, good on you for joining the forum and getting sober! In early sobriety, change places people and things. If you can’t stand being in bars with all your drinking friends: by all means, do not go. Ask your friends to meet you alone/in smaller groups, for different activities, go for coffee or a walk or go horse riding, anything but to the bars. Also: daytime dates. Change it up! If ppl won’t agree to meet you if they can’t drink, they won’t be supportive of our sobriety and there is no need to surround yourself with them especially so early on, it’ll just make it hard for you.
Discovery new things you enjoy. Best of luck to you!
Sometimes I’d bring my own non alcoholic things like nosecco, other times I just bring my own soda. This far it worked pretty good. I’ve also told people beforehand that I’m not going to drink on said occasion.
Gotta change a few things. In my own case I traded in my smartphone for a flip phone and haven’t looked back. Removes the first step down that relapse ladder. Look at your own relapse ladder: what puts you at risk?
In early sobriety especially, it helps to make some changes, for yourself. Start exploring new opportunities, new things you can do with your time.
Thanks guys, will take all these on board once ive stopped feeling sorry for myself! Don’t know what it is, i need start tracking my triggers i think. Just gonna focus on getting back into a good place x
Good idea. Read around here & get to know some other people’s stories - there are so many. Checking in will help - it helps you stay in touch with your goals:
Take care & never give up. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self
Hi there and welcome!! I think you might find some help and tips reading through some of the threads included here…
Lots of great suggestions, especially about early days. Most of us tend to avoid going out until we feel like we can do so without drinking and / or we have a solid plan of action (drink fizzy water, take a short walk if tempted, leave early if tempted, etc).
Have a read thru and see if anything feels like it will help.
Hey girl
To be honest, I didn’t go out to pubs from the beginning of my sobriety or I chose friends who I knew wouldn’t drink. I didn’t have many of such friends haha so I spent a lot of time with my family or alone. Until I felt confident to go out again. And even then if I would feel tempted I would just leave. Whatever was better than relapse.
Now I am in different mind-set and I don’t mind people around me drinking. It’a true that I also stopped going to some places at all because I am not having fun there anymore. As long as I was drunk I didn’t even realise how some places or people have no value for me.
I wish you good luck and mainly strength in your sobriety. It worth keep walking the path
Hey! Thankyou so much for your support. Its really helping me get through today! Its got me thinking i might have to cut off a few friends, i just find it impossible to stay sober around certain people! It also questions who i am without beer and coke! Its mad, i appreciate your word though! Thankyou so so much
I guess you could say I was fortunate in that I was sober for a little over a month when covid hit so there were no options to go out to bars or see friends until recently. I was able to focus on myself and break my own drinking routines at home. My wife and I have birthdays really close together and in February we went out to eat and I took her to a bar so she could drink. She only had one because she could tell I was uncomfortable and we left. Seeing my friends now, who all like to drink more than they should, I see how they act and I think back to when I used to think they could handle their alcohol better than I could. Then I think jesus just how drunk was I?? It’s enough to make me stick to my seltzer waters and leave early when I’ve heard the same story 3 times.
I wouldn’t think of it as cutting people out. Just focus on the people you can be sober around, invite people to do sober stuff with you etc.
You will be able to spend time around other people who are drinking etc one day, although you might find it less appealing like @Jana1988 said. But deal with that when it comes.
For now just focus on the things you can do and all the benefits you will get from sobriety. No hangovers, no anxiety/ regret/ shame about shit you can’t really remember, making memories with people you care about…
Its nice hearing that your wife is fully supportive! I honestly thought covid lockdown would give me the kick up the bum i needed to turn things around but it ended up worse! Im just trying to find my feet with sobriety I think… hearing the same story 3 times is partly the reason i end up drinking, its so annoying
Hahaha yes it is annoying. Thats when I know it’s time to leave. I used to be the last one there trying to drink as much as I could. My wife still drinks and more than she should but has been fairly supportive of me getting sober. I’m still finding my feet as well and trying to find ways to be that “fun” guy my wife says she misses but for me no hangovers, no regret, no shame, and being the husband and father I knew I could be is all the fun I need. Best of luck to you and you’ve come to a good place. I don’t share much on here but reading others experiences and tools they use to remain sober has been extremely helpful.
When I first started on here I learnt two major things that have stuck with me and have been part of the bedrock of my sobriety.
1, this journey is life changing and I don’t mean all unicorn farts and rainbows, but life changing as in aspects of your life need to change. Mental and social and physical.
That’s how I took it anyway cus so far I’ve not seen any unicorns
The other was to keep an open mind about anything and everything that could help me.
So I threw myself into it. And after two years of trying to do it on my own, and constantly relapsing, I’m now 640 odd days straight and my life has changed so much, for the better for me and my family.
I had to be strict on myself and I stayed away from temptation all over Christmas and New year. It was 6 months before I ventured back into a pub that wasn’t an organised family event.
Stick around, I noticed you are reading a lot. Well done. Keep at it.
