I read this whole thread! I just don’t comment because…hmmm idk, it’s really just good info to read that keeps me on the straight and narrow!
@Becsta - regarding not commenting on this thread…
I guess my approach is to read, remain focused on my own recovery, and provide support when/where I feel able. I pray for humility for myself, the ability to seek to understand rather than to be understood, and am grateful for seeing others at an earlier stage as it is a good reminder to me of where my own thinking can easily end up if I get complacent. I do my best to avoid giving unsolicited advice.
As an old timer said at a meeting last night “it’s pretty rich when one alcoholic/addict is judging another.”
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Couldn’t have said it better myself. I can totally relate with what you wrote.
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I visit this thread and comment pretty regularly. I have something that I want to give away, a better way of life, this is one of the threads where I do that.
Lots of sick and suffering out there. We don’t need to be the hammers that crack the anvil, but we can be the flue that stokes the flame.
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What wonderful imagery and wise words.
This is a thread I check out regularly but hardly comment on. It’s hard for me to give tough love through text but I sure can relate to it. Helps keep my eyes wide open with my sobriety.
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Rachel and i just finished reading No Drama Discipline. It was a decent parenting book which we agreed a lot with. I came across a quote that was really good
“You don’t have to get stuck in a negative experience. You don’t have to be a victim to external events, or internal emotions. You can use your mind to take charge of how you feel, and how you act.”
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Would you recommend the book?
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It was decent. We scanned it, read what we noted as highlights. Rachel and i follow a lot of child and family psychologists on Instagram and other places. It followed what we believe pretty well.
@BondJaneBond agreed. Not perfect at it, but constantly trying.
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I agree. Sometimes the preparation takes time and you just bang your head against the wall before it really hits. We all have our unique paths. Some of them lead to early death, some of them to a second chance in life.
What you get our of these threads and experiences depends on are you willing to learn something or not. Maybe…
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It’s far too meta and might make my head explode if I start judging others for being judgmental. All I’m saying is what comes to my mind and I try to use to guide my actions. What that lady said to me struck a chord with me - she is someone that I and many others hold in high regard and it was a message that I know I needed to receive because it felt powerful at the time she said it and it stuck with me.
I try to think about what I would say/do at a meeting and to my best to keep my approach here aligned to that, rather than getting swept up in the distance that a screen and the internet can bring. I try to remember that I respond very differently at meetings to some random who I have never met pointing a finger at me and saying “you need to do this”, to someone that I have come to know and respect and trust saying “this is what worked for me”.
Again, not suggesting that one way is good or bad, or that this thread is the former. I like this thread and read it. I am also fully capable of giving out tough love, but only feel comfortable doing so with people that I know reasonably well. And much of my tough love is to myself. Just as to explain why I don’t post here, though I do always read it, find it useful, and sometimes share the feelings expressed.
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Wise words, pal. I love a good metaphor.
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We as people may be different but alcohol affects every person the same when over used or abused. No matter how different of a person you think you are. we all can relate to what alcohol does because it affects us the same. Lifestyles may vary to degree of abuse and DOC. ALL addictions make our life unmanageable that NO ONE can deny.
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I only comment on things that I’ve gone through myself. I’m not judging bc I’ve lived it. That’s why I comment.
A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of other men. My hopes is that someone here can pull their head out of their ass before it’s too late. But like I said it helps me so that’s good.
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I learn much from you, pal. Hoping you are enjoying your sunny holiday. 
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Agreed, the human brain has a “stop and go” switch that is controlled by the same part that handles fight or flight. Using creates huge releases of dopamine that activate the go switch and damages the brains ability to flip it back off before the logic parts of the brain can even respond. Doesnt matter what drug it is from alcohol to meth or heroin. MRIs show the same high rate of activity in that part of the brain when addicts are shown even half second flashing images of their doc. Recovery is essentially our best efforts to deny that go response long enough for the logical part of our mind to think it over and realize that by indulgung were really damaging ourselves physically and that requires work. Theres nothing unique about it, every one of us would show the exact same brain activity were we in the machine and just like you arent gonna go in a gym and dead lift 400 lbs without spending time in the gym working out youre also not gonna be able to continuously deny that go switch without doing a lot of mental “working out” ive come to see “were all unique” as a cop out to justify giving in and relapsing or not doing some form of mental workout to to prevent it and leaning on mere hope alone to keep u sober. It took me learning that i was not as unique as id like to think i am to give in and start doing the work
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Couldn’t have said better. Fighting the psychological dependance right there. Require a lot of self-awareness and self-reflection to identify the path we’re taking mentally before making a choice of action… in the right direction. Anyways, well said.
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Expectations. Gotta love em. Quickest way to a drink is having expectations of other people. No one should have to change a damn thing in their life so you can get sober. They didn’t make you an alcoholic so they owe you nothing. Sure, support is nice, but it’s not required. Your spouse doesn’t have to get sober with you. Your friends don’t have to do have sober fun with you. The people on this forum don’t have to give you the advice you want to hear. Hell they don’t have to do anything for you.
Buck-up buttercup, you are the only one that has to put in the work to get yourself sober.
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Much this:
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