2023 Roll Call -- Introduce yourself!

Your Story
146

I had the same experience as you! Last year I got sick of drinking and “quit”, went 7 months without drinking anything (but not admitting that I was an alcoholic). I went on vacation and convinced myself that since I was able to quit, I could treat myself to a couple of whiskeys, after all I was on vacation, and I would just stop again when I got back home.

But, I couldn’t stop. I spent the next 2 months hiding my drinking and lying to my family. I tried to stop many times, I would go a few days without drinking and feel great only to give in again and lose control. Thankfully, I got caught by my wife, and finally admitted that I was an alcoholic to her and to myself.

It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Just being able to name the disease, and face it head on for once in my life was liberating.

I am very fortunate to have such a loving and supportive family, they did not abandon me after my deceit, but got behind me 100%. I am on a program, I hit the gym everyday before work, I enjoy life again and all the fun things without staring through beer goggles at everything.

3 weeks sober, one day at a time, forever I hope! :smiley:

@David_2h One thing I will say, and I am in no position to give advice, but, admitting that I am an alcoholic allowed me to address the disease fully, to accept help, to seek support, to change routine, to “connect with my higher power”. Before, I would say to myself “I need to be balanced, I need to show more self-control, I need to do better”, I would beat myself up and feel guilty and fail over and over. It’s not my fault that I am an Alcoholic, it’s a disease that I have. And there is treatment! There are so many success stories here, and so many people have been in recovery for a long time, we can do it too!

But, I know now that I can’t ever have even one drink. Not today. Not everyday.

Lets go!

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147

@GoWyo
“ admitted we were powerless over alcohol - our lives had become unmanageable.”
Congratulations. You just completed Step one. Welcome to a life worth living.

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148

Hello. Long time reader, first time poster. My DOC is alcohol. I’m finally ready to admit moderation does not work for me. I used to be able to moderate (at least to my standards) but ever since the pandemic started, my moderating has been a joke. Daily drinking started. And the amount kept creeping up. The past few months have seen me binging up to two bottles of wine a day a few times a week. And I would be so proud if I could go one or two days a week without alcohol. What a joke. I’m 47, married and have a wonderful teen daughter. It makes me sick and sad that I have been doing this.

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Hey welcome to the community. That’s why it’s a progressive disease. Just gets worse and worse. Moderation becomes impossible. Glad you’re here

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Thank you so much for the welcome. And yes, you are right that it is a progressive disease. I needed to hear that because somehow I fooled myself into thinking it wouldn’t get me. Like I was immune to it :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Welcome Joy.
Good start.
Join in some more when you’re comfortable.

When I first came on here I just started listing gratitude on the gratitude thread.

I felt it was just for me. I didn’t have to interact if I didn’t want to. I got so much to be grateful when I’m sober. I got nothing when I’m drinking.
:pray::heart:

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Thank you so much! I feel relieved I finally put this out there. I was getting so sick of myself. And I think I will use the gratitude thread. I have so much to be thankful for (my cats and kid to name a few).

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Welcome! I am so glad you found that moderation doesnt work.

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That’s the ticket! No matter how I feel, if I contemplate on gratitude even for 30 seconds, I am calmer and closer to center.

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Hello All!

My name is Jessica. I’ve been on the sober road since 2019. I started binge drinking at 15. Through my time as a soldier and a competitive rugby player I realized I had a problem sooner than I was ready to admit.

I’m here today because this community helped mentor and teach me how to be myself without drugs or alcohol. Kind souls read my poetry and encouraged me to heal and speak my truth. Now I am my truth and no matter where I go I’ll always be able to take that with me.

I stay because I love it here and honestly my sobriety feels fickle at times. This has always been a safe place for sober reminders.

Please feel free to reach out! Thank you for reading and being apart of this wonderful community. :blush:

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So happy for your liberation! :slight_smile:

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Welcome Accalia,glad you’re here.

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Im holly, I’m 27 years old and im 2 days away from 60 days clean from fentanyl!! I’ve been in active addiction for almost 5 years. I honestly never thought that I would ever be here but im so happy and relieved and proud of myself.
Ive never been good at talking about my addiction or my feelings but I realized that in order to get through the bad days you need to be able to talk to someone that’s been or is going through the same thing as you, someone that actually understands how hard it really is. Funny thing is that i actually didnt quit on purpose, not funny thing is that i was held against my will on a small reserve in rural alberta, this place was so deep in the middle of nowhere it didnt have paved roads or street lights and the only way in and out is by vehicle, by someone that i trusted and was sexually assaulted multiple times by him for almost 30 days while I got sicker and sicker, it started out as just withdrawals but got worse and by the end i was so sick that i was too weak to walk and was going in and out of consciousness and hallucinating. I overheard this “friend” telling his nephew that he was sick of my shit and pissed off because he thought i was faking being that sick and he said he was going to take me somewhere deeper into the reserve and leave me there to die. I was so scared because I knew if that happened I would die out there so i literally had to crawl into the living room and by chance a nurse that worked on the reserve walked into the house, saw me and asked me if I needed help and I asked her to please drive me back to the city and she said that she couldn’t do that but told me she was going to call the police because she was worried about me. 2 hours later the rcmp came and kicked the door down and saved me from that horror show. Unfortunately the hard part started after that, the police drove me to the closest town and dropped me off at the urgent care center there, after I got admitted they did blood tests, x-rays and a rape kit and i had to let them take pictures of the bruises and hickies that bastard left on my body. A couple hours later i was informed that he had also given me chlamydia, trichomaniosis, a bladder infection, a uti, and the cherry on top of the shit cake… fucking headlice. Thats when I broke down and asked her to call my parents who i havent talked to in almost 2 years because of me being in active addiction, my mom showed up a couple hours later and my dad was on his way from ontario which is a 3-4 day drive from where I was. I was released from the urgent care center and we went back to the city, my brother said i could stay at his place because I had nowhere to go but I just kept getting sicker by the day and my mental health was so bad and i was so traumatised by what happened that i went into full blown psychosis, i honestly thought that i was dying and that my brother was trying to kill me and ended up back in the hospital under the form 10 act which means the hospital had the power to make desicions for me because i was not in the right state of mind to do so.
They addmited me to the mental health ward and after about 3 days I thankfully came out of the psychosis and they cancelled the form 10 i was under. While in the mental ward I decided that I wasn’t going to ever let myself ever be broken down that low ever again and made the decision to stay sober and get my shit together. So i checked myself out of the hospital and the plan was for me to stay with my brother again but I guess plans changed and I wasn’t told until I had already left the hospital so my dad asked me if I maybe wanted to move back to my hometown with him and that my older brother that i havent seen since i was 13 offered to let me live there and i said yes. So now i live back in my hometown of 1000 people with my brother, sister-in-law, 2 nephews and my niece, and its probably the best decision ive made in the last 5 years and im so happy that I did.
Sorry for the long post but that’s part of my story and I survived and im so thankful I did because today i talked to my kids father and he sent me pictures of my daughters who are now 10 and 7 that i havent seen or talked to in about 5 years (part of the reason i turned to drug use was so i didn’t have to think about them or feel the pain and hurt in my heart from missing them but that’s a whole different story that ill maybe end up writing about) and they are so beautiful and if i stay sober he agrees that i can start taking baby steps to be back in my babygirls lives and can work on salvaging my relationship with them so thats my reason why.
Sorry for the long post but thank you for reading it if you do lol and thank you for this forum it really does help.
Stay strong everyone and remember your reason why :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hi everyone,

I’m Tycho - late 40s mental health professional. I’ve struggled, on and off, with porn, and (non-illegal) sexual ‘acting out’ behaviours and then - when the internet came along - with internet porn, phone sex etc and obsessive use of chat sites to go on ‘cybersex binges’ lasting hours at a time, through most of my adult life.

I’ve hurt my life-partner very badly through these behaviours - though we’re 22 years married and otherwise ‘strong’ (there’s been a lot of forgiveness) - and, more intangibly, there have been projects which I haven’t properly gone after, or I’ve gone after them in some ‘half-assed’, ‘second gear’ fashion because of time and energy given to the addiction, and then (of course) the resultant tiredness, ‘guilt-fog’ etc. So both of those are a lasting regret that I need to face up to. Though I stress ‘non-illegal’ above - and I’ve never ‘acted out’ with, or against, someone I’m working with professionally - it’s possible that ‘reputational damage’ could’ve imperilled my career at moments. I’ve had periods of sobriety lasting (maximum) many months or a couple of years - linked to participating SLAA in one instance, or just life circumstances keeping me away from problem behaviours, but have joined this site in order to ‘find a community’ as part of re-committing ant intending to do this ‘for real’ (now or never).

So 17th February 2023 is my new ‘sober date’, I’ve put new software filters etc in place (tho’ I’ve been round that loop before) - and I’m also joining this community, which seems friendly and accessible, rather than just ‘doing it by myself’ or ‘by willpower alone’, which has basically never worked. So joining this site, with the intent to participate, is new.

(Weird that I’m able to have real insight in working with others, in my chosen professional field - which I’m good at, by the way - but that this absolutely, in and of itself, isn’t capable of ‘doing the heavy lifting’ in respect of my own behaviour change).

So that’s me, really, my words are now ‘out there’, I look forward to participating at this site.

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Welcome to the crew!

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Welcome to the community! :heart:

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I’m Esmeralda, I have been clean from meth since 9/28/22. It is not my first go around. I was clean for two years when I lost my parents and relapsed. I stayed down for two and a half years but finally, with God’s grace, found the strength to get back up. I’m excited to be in recovery again and to get to know others here. Thank y’all for the support and the opportunity.

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Welcome Esmeralda.
I’m glad you found us.
Have a good read around and join in when you’re comfortable.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Thank you! Recovery is always amazing! I’m excited to learn new things.

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@Joyful once my moderating became a complete failure, I admitted I am an alcoholic. Only then did I seek rehab. 15 mos sober.

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