Hello and welcome! You are definitely not alone and it is definitely possible to break the cycle you are in. You came to the right place!!
First off, I encourage you and other new forum members to read as many threads as you can. I will share a link below which will take you to many threads…they should give you a feel for the forum and what is possible. Also, lots of people enjoy the checking in threads, so you may find that helpful.
Here is the link…
And please do not lose heart…I drank for 40+ years and struggled for a solid 10 of those years wanting to be sober. It is hard, but it can be done. Keep your focus on being sober TODAY, don’t worry about any other day or event other than today. You CAN do this!! 