My experience with AA is totally different. I’ve found them depressing because everyone is just moaning about why they can’t drink or how they felt during the week about not drinking. I’m sorry not my thing, but as you say, if it works for people it works.
I know the benifits of meetings, a group of like minded people in the same position.
Sound to me like you need to look at yourself and why you find clichés don’t fit your mind.
As I said, stick around here, we talk, we say clichés, clichés work.
But we also talk
I intend to stick around on this. No one will tell you the truth with out fear better then a stranger on site that is anonymous. This is the type of place I need. No soft punches. Thanks yall
@anon12657779
Lol, my experience of aa is the opposite! People gushing about things when I am struggling! To be fair I have listened in on online meetings and only shared once, that share was quite emotional tho. To the op, I suggest cliches become so for a reason, many people have found truth in them. I think here people respond to ur individual situation. But sometimes a cliche fits.
@struggler I’m not trying to be argumentative but through your very own words it sounds like you need a good therapist/counselor. ANY good friend can actually listen to you but only a counselor can and will help you get to the root of your problems. Best wishes and don’t give up.
That’s really interesting, when I joined this community and started hearing some of the ‘cliches’ from AA, they really resonated with me. One day at a time particularly - that idea of not having to have it all worked out right away, of meeting myself where I’m at and dealing with the day that’s in front of me as best I can. Felt like a big relief.
Also everything about the serenity prayer. The hard bit is working out what we can change and what we have to accept. And no one else can tell us that. We have to be responsible for the messages we take from what we hear - and most importantly we are responsible for the choices and actions that follow. In my (limited) experience, those who are open to different ways of doing things, especially things they might initially feel resistance to, are the ones that get the most out of the recovery community.
I’ve not been to an AA meeting but there are lots of people it works for and I’ve learned a lot from them that I’ve been able to apply to my own sobriety. And of course there are lots of alternatives to AA, and a big list of them here: Resources for our recovery
Welcome to the forum, my best advice is to read lots, check in often and reach out whenever you need to
I think I understand where you’re coming from regarding the platitudes. I’ve really struggled with hearing them and reading them at times, as well. It’s not necessarily the sayings themselves that are an issue for me though. As others have said, these phrases are around because they’re easy to remember and they are usually based in truth. The issue for me is that when I’m on the receiving end of one of these cliches, I can interpret it as impersonal and thoughtless. Like the other person doesn’t really care about what I said and they just want to fire off a cute little chestnut to feel like they contributed. The danger in that being, that I’m then assuming their intention. They probably genuinely mean what they’re saying. Or it’s the best way they know how to communicate the idea or advice.
I get the need for more nuanced conversation and communication. I’m the same way. I could probably benefit from just embracing these simple concepts and not having to dissect everything. But I’m always up for a more “in depth” discussion, so if you ever want to message me feel free.
I’m one big walking cliche bc it’s one day at a time. If your not prepared to listen to everything then don’t listen to nothing at all bc what you think you want to hear is not what you need to hear.
I hated the clichés at first myself, like really? How the fuck is that supposed to help? Now they make perfect sense, cause I did the work, put in the time and stayed sober.
You don’t want phrases repeated over and over, stop putting yourself in the position to hear them over and over.
You are the beginning and end of your use or your sobriety, no one can do it for you, only offer support.
I started to make real progress in AA when I stopped going to the same few meetings, and just listening. Whether it’s positive or negative, I’ve found some meetings to be a (language warning) circle jerk of the same few stories or sayings over and over.
I found a guy who seemed calm and had double digit sobriety. He and I started on a program of working the steps by studying some of the literature and I learned how he put that into action in his life.
I guess that’s what I hear you saying, that you are looking for a plan of action not a lot of hot air. The steps of AA and NA have brought relief and contented sobriety to millions, so don’t be quick to write off either program as not for you.
I could not get sober until I came down off my high horse and joined the human race. Here’s a cliché that fit for me - I had to become just another bozo on the bus.
Tough love for you - don’t be so goddamned special that you can’t get sober. You wanna be picky about how you will pursue sobriety, look at your track record. How’s it working for you so far?
I must admit it’s only the meetings in my small local town that this happens. As @SinceIAwoke days same old same old stories. I think I’ve heard one guys live story about five times. And it always the same people. Not like there’s any newbies. I only go there because I take my brother in law. He’s not dealing with life too well, let alone not drinking and he’d rather go to the local town and not go further.
I’ve been to meetings Futher away and they tend to be better.
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What about a licensed therapist for drug and alchohol rehab. Outpatient or inpatient.
The outpatient treatment I attended also encouraged small group meetings.
Me , best friend since I was 15, and my husband started and run our local chapter of NA. I agree with a lot of responses I’ve seen on here. I’ve been to meetings all over…and they are all different. I’ve been to AA meetings,which dont work for me. I live in the same small town I’ve grown up in. Moved away several time but always come home. I have alcoholics that come to our meetings because aa doesnt work for them. Yes we read the same readings at the beginning of our meetings,but after that…we just talk. And we listen. When a cliche is used it’s never a stand alone …we discuss. I was sober 8 years before i relapsed for 10. Now I’ve been sober 4 years and this time it will work because i understand the why…how to keep myself away…not saying i got it beat…nobody does…but I’m definitely well armed. I recently buried that same best friend that started our na with me. He overdosed with one use. Because that’s all it takes. One time. Whether it drugs or alchohol your life can end or be forever altered. Death or jail for the rest of your life. The word in books dont work by themselves. You wont stay sober till you figure yourself out. Using is easier than staying sober. And you gotta want sobriety…more than anything else you have to be willing to do it. Anyways just my opinion.
ive been going to meetings for nearly 34 years now it works if you want it , plenty of other ways now to get sober and hopefully stay . keeps us posted on your journey wish you well
There is a lot of support available on here, including from people who don’t attend AA. If you find that AA doesn’t resonate for you, there are other programs available if you like the community support aspect of recovery. There are certainly a myriad of paths to sobriety. For me, the key was finding what worked and what didn’t for myself.
I found a great deal of helpful info and support on this app, reading all the threads, asking questions, etc. helped me a lot.
I also found sobriety and recovery memoirs and books about sobriety added a lot to my ‘sober toolbox’.
Physical activity was very important in my early days as well. And yoga and meditation.
And one of the things I found most helpful was keeping a list of why I no longer drank…what would happen if I did.
There are a few of those cliches I really resonate with (I have never been to an AA meeting)…some of them ring true for me…as well as other phrases…let go or be dragged has been the story of my life.
We each need to find our own path and hopefully you will find what works for you.
Here are some links that may help you on your journey…lots of info and suggestions on getting and remaining sober…
Sorry, but it seems you want an easy out and a fast solution. You got to work a lot at it.
If it helps, my experience is that I wanted an easy out and wanted it to be fast as well but the problem was that I only got to the top layers of my problems. Now, I’m going to therapy on a regular basis (and I hate it) but I’m learning a lot on the root causes of my alcohol problem.
Also, I recommend this book which helps to understand the phases of change and what you can do to make progress towards the goal YOU WANT and not a cliché of what is expected of you.
My two cents. Good luck with whatever path you take.
Hi,
I know what you mean about clichés. Clichés are a substitute for active listening and are incredibly off putting for me, especially since I was once in a cult, and clichés were used to perpetuate controlling “truths”. Sponsors are not experts nor in any way counsellors, they only have experience of what has worked (or they claimed to have worked) for them. They are one of the 5-8% who are sober after a year on starting a 12 step programme. A friend of mine was told by his sponsor “instead of picking up a drink pick up the phone”. That VERY nearly killed him from the resulting siezure that was almost fatal. He found sobriety a few years ago through a different route.
Sometimes AA/CA/NA etc does work as does the connection with other people in recovery that comes with meetings and I would never discourage anyone from trying them out with an open mind. I just sit on my hands when clichés are used or untruths are repeated as doctrine. Find the right meeting and you will find people who are there to help one another and not Big Book bash.
A counsellor can be beneficial, if you can afford one. as they should act responsibly and safely, but try out at least three before committing to one and you may find a sponsor in a meeting who will listen without applying dogma, and who will automatically push back against questioning the 12 steps, as they see them. It was not until I started training in counselling that I appreciated how unsafe well-intentioned advice can be.
It sounds as though you need someone to listen and reflect, rather than a preacher. There are plenty of us on this app who will be pleased to listen to you.
Best wishes on finding a path that works for you.
Since you asked I’ll share my opinion of this thread. Like many alcoholics you appear to suffer from terminal uniqueness. It seems you have spent considerable energy trying to set yourself apart from the pack. I’m here to give you some good news. You are just a run of the mill drunk. You are not special, different or unique. This is good because it means you can get sober the same way the rest of us did. Which of course is listening to people who have gotten sober and following their directions. I know you think you need to talk to get sober, but you don’t. In fact you don’t know what you need to do to get, and stay, sober. If you did you wouldn’t need the help. Pull up a chair, read some threads and follow some suggestions. It’s okay not to know what you’re doing. None of us did when we first started.
