I think you should reconsider the blow out, it only takes one time. I suppose if you already have it on hand its difficult to throw away. Just be careful, you have so much to give. Keep talking to your girlfriend, be open and honest. Us ‘partners’ can accept a lot if there are no more lies. Lies and deceit hurts us more than the truth as it betrays the trust. You will need a lot of support at this time and family and friends worth their weight in gold will try and give it as much as they can. Good luck, hope it all works out and you and your girlfriend look forward to a new future together 
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I saw he said he “flushed the gear” but I thought that only meant that he threw away his tools like a razor blade and a straw. Okay then, I’ll move on. Thanks!
I think we might’a scared him away? I hope not… @Bgs Ben, we are here for you when ever you are ready. Please stay with us, the folks here all just want to help you. Sending you strength and peace my friend.
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I really like these kind of posts, so much good advise in one thread. It helps me too as a reasonable newbie in sobriety land.
@Bgs, welcome and hope to see more of you on here!
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@Bgs Hello mate, whether you decided to have your final blowout or not is irrelevant… you don’t even have to mention it.
What I will say though is that if you did or even if you didn’t, you know that now’s the time to delete all dealers numbers, come off social media where you can contact the dealers, disassociate yourself with mates who sniff gear and bask in the support and love your partner clearly has for you… A lot of people would have not been so understanding so let’s work on that one mate.
You clearly want to stop in my opinion, you just don’t know the best path. You need to move onto that first step of day one totally clean, break it down into manageable chunks and start your life again brother.
Steve
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Well this is quite a thread. Welcome!! I appreciate you sticking around @Bgs, that’s a lot to digest for your first post. I hope you were able to get some rest after you flushed the rest. I know for myself, having coke just meant let’s do this until it’s gone and get it the eff over with…the fun in that party was long long gone…it was just another night of torturing my body mind and soul.
I am glad you were honest with your partner. Honesty with myself was equally, no, more important. I know it is hard to get real with ourselves, we don’t realize that what sounds ‘not so bad’ to us, is horrifying to those without substance abuse issues. That is often an eye opening moment.
Advice? There is already a lot here. We all need to find our own way and what works for us, so I will add some…see what works for you and what doesn’t…
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Reading threads on here in the early days helped me a lot…reading old ones, new ones, just reading as much as I could.
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Reading sobriety memoirs and books was also very helpful for me.
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Reaching out or reading here if I was feeling cravings.
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Putting myself to bed early and often when needing to to avoid cravings.
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Physical activity every day, tiring out my body and mind. If I wasn’t an old lady, I think punching bags sounds perfect. Running works for me.
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Feeding my sweet tooth…replacing the sugar carbs in alcohol with other sugar carbs for awhile …so as to ease in instead of deprive my body of what it knew.
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Journaling…writing down how I feel, what I fear, what I hope for and want.
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Keeping a list on my phone of who I want to be, how I want to live my life…including the pros and cons of alcohol and drugs (see link below).
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Got honest about what drinking and using really offered me, not the ‘fantasy’ of what they brought to my life. I knew 100% what that life was like…but what about life sober??
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Keeping my focus on today, right now, this minute…in early sobriety this was so important for me…it is always important for me…but more so when I needed strength to get thru each day.
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Therapy as needed to delve into the why of my substance abuse…journaling and reading go hand in hand here.
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Educated myself in the various resources available for sobriety (see link below).
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Yin yoga, guided meditations and mindfulness all helped me soothe my anxious mind body and soul…much needed.
Those are some of the tools I added to my sober toolbox along the way in my sobriety. It is a journey and a process and not always a straight line. But knowing that failure was not an option also helped. When I fell down, I got back up…each and every time. Believe in yourself and honor your self by keeping going and working toward the healthy healing you.
This thread lists resources and books…
This thread includes my list and also great suggestions from other members…
This thread has LOTS to read…
Plenty to keep you busy there for awhile. 
You made a great choice choosing sobriety and honesty, a great step toward healing. Sorry for the book…I get passionate about sharing various resources and sobriety info. 
Keep working towards your goals and being your best self…it is hard, harder than you may know now, but it is also 100% worth it…YOU are 100% worth it.
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Today has been hard, harder than normal, but that’s probably due to the fact I’m 100 percent determined to stay sober, and knowing I wont be getting drunk or high after work. Work felt like it wouldn’t end, and felt like I wanted to make an excuse to go home early and get up to no good, but I got through it.
I expect tomorrow to be easier.
Thanks sassyrocks, I’ll browse those resources.
Thank you everyone for making me feel welcome and thank you for your advice and well wishes.
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“It seems difficult at first, because everything is difficult at first”.
Miyomoto Musashi
In early sobriety I’d end my work day and pace about the house. I realized that I had absolutely no idea what to do, now that my drinking ritual was gone. I decided to start walking. I’d walk for 45 minutes to an hour, sometimes longer, while listening to the Jocko Podcast. Did this for the first 3 months and it became a new ritual that I looked forward to.
After 3 months, I sighed up for martial arts classes. Krav Maga and Muay Thai. That became my new ritual, and shortly thereafter, my passion.
It helps to replace old, unhealthy rituals with new, positive ones. Who knows, one of them might become a passion.
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I’m glad you’re back here with us today Ben. It’s hard at first but you will find that your body will need to rest quite a bit in the beginning. Be kind to yourself, take nice hot showers or baths and rest as much as you can. Each day you will get stronger. It takes time for our bodies to repair after all of the shit that we have pumped into them. Reach out if you need us, you are amongst friends
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Good for you for coming back Ben. Stick around mate. This site is the main reason I’m nearly two years sober.
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Something I found helpful that I saw a lot when I joined the forum, when I started to get overwhelmed or caight up in the fact that I was never drinking again, is just bring it back to today. No one can predict the future and we can’t change the past.
That’s why we take it one day at a time! 
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Trust me pal, you need to get out while you can. Cocaine is a very slippery slope to get back up. I’m 37 and have been struggling with addictions to alcohol and coke since the age of 24. For me booze is a trigger, if I even have 1 beer I end up bingeing, up all night and snorting coke, every time now. I’m at the point where I’m actually becoming desperate because I can’t seem to stop, I constantly find myself in what seems like fucking groundhog day. My relationship is shot to shit, I have a 9 year old son and he’s seen me in states that I hate myself for. If you can find the strength to nip it in the bud now then you’ll be doing yourself a real justice, don’t make my mistake, the longer it goes on for the harder it is. I really hope you do it, good luck.
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Welcome Ray. Take your own advise and stark working on change for a better life, just like Ben, you can also do it! This forum is amazing and can give you so much knowledge and support. How long have you been sober now?
Best wishes!
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Welcome Ray! Great share, thank you for posting it. As others have said on here so many times, addiction loves solitude. Well done on stepping out into the light and joining us all on the battle of recovery! It’s a pleasure to meet you and I hope you stick around. I look forward to hearing more from you
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Triggers for sure but when I gave up coke cold turkey I had to make life changes. I had to remove many people from my everyday life and keep myself out of my comfort zone and keep busy. Fill that time I would be doing coke with better things like sleeping, spending one on one time with my loves. Coke wasn’t the hard thing for me to quit. It was hard, yes, but I replaced it and gong out and partying with drinking at home. Everytime I said I’m going to have a binge weekend/ night and be sober after, it never worked. My chemical make up still wanted that feeling and I had to realize I couldn’t do that. Good luck to you
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Hi Faugxh. I’ve been on and off for years but recently it’s worse than ever and to be honest I’m struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel but I’m determined to do it now. Some of the damage I’ve done is irreparable but I’ve accepted it now I have to try and make the best of what’s left. I have reset my clock this morning after crashing last night. Back to one day at a time. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply to my post, I really appreciate it. Talking on the forum is something I hadn’t done before but I’m getting good vibes and I think it will really help me moving forward. Thanks again
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Luck is not involved, you need to want to stop, and have a very good reason for wanting it.
That’s actually a very good point Steve. Thanks for your input
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Hi Blondie. Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I know that this won’t be easy but I’m here for the long haul, it’s now or never. The thing is on here people have either been through or going through similar situations and knowing that makes me comfortable and feel stronger. Thanks again and I’m sure you’ll be hearing more from me. 
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How are you holding up Ray? Hope you’re determined and going strong!
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