I’m considering getting sober after nearly ruining the best relationship I’ve ever had in my life. Alcohol for me has mostly been a social thing, but when I drink, I like to get drunk and lately it’s mostly been to the point of blacking out. I’ve never been able to just have one or two and be ok. Alcohol played a part in leading to my divorce and now it’s deeply affecting my current relationship with the person I love dearly.
Getting sober has been something I’ve considered many times over the last 6 or so years but I’m the kind of drinker that’s fun so most people don’t really see it as a problem for me. So I’ve always felt very alone in thinking that I maybe should stop. Most of my friends would not say that I have a problem and even my current partner doesn’t necessarily agree that I should.
I travel for work touring with bands, so my entire world revolves around drinking, going out, late nights, etc. So in my world, it’s very normal to go out and binge drink often. Usually I can just go out and hang, have fun and get to bed safe. But lately I’ve been pushing the limits, drinking more by myself or hiding drinks so people don’t know how many I’ve had. Or even going somewhere before meeting up with others. I also love going out, getting drunk and feeling a little out of control. I’ve had moments in life where I push these limits more or less but lately I’m feeling a bit more self destructive and I’m getting mean with my partner.
Last night I got blackout drunk by myself and my partner said I was saying crazy things on the phone, like she didn’t even recognize me. And I was getting really dark and she got very worried and scared. I’m on a particularly long tour right now and it’s been hard on my mental health and sometimes drinking alone feels like the only space I have for myself. But then I’m hurting the person I care about the most. I keep saying that I’ll be better, I’ll work on myself, but I just keep failing. It’s getting to the point where she will absolutely leave me if I don’t figure this out.
I’m really stubborn and I hate that I have a thing that I feel like I can’t control. I want to be able to drink and have fun but not let it go too far. I think I’m realizing I can’t. Even when I’m home, I don’t get like this very often so it’s hard to know if I should get sober or not. I used to be a fun/silly drunk. But lately I’m combative and kind of mean. It’s very out of character for me.
I’ve done a ton of work on myself through therapy over last several years and recently was diagnosed with adult ADHD, which was an eye opener. I feel like this might be one of my last big steps to take in life. But it’s really scary. I would love some advice or encouragement either way. I’m not really sure who to talk to about it because like I said, most people I know would never think I have a problem.
It sounds to me like you already know alcohol is a problem. It can very much be a problem even if we aren’t bad drunks so to speak.
You deserve so much better treatment from yourself and alcohol is essentially poison so I believe drinking it on a regular basis will always have a negative impact on people and their relationships.
I know that when I first gave up drinking I was in the grips of addiction and even still nobody ever told me I should stop. I desperately needed help and I was still surrounded by people who liked when I drank. In fact they preferred when I drank and didn’t support my sobriety much at all.
It was still destroying me and my mental health.
This app has been a great resource for me personally as I don’t align with AA and haven’t tried the other programs.
I think this is a great step you’re taking! Read around the forum and chat with the many people here who understand completely what you’re going through.
Welcome Caleb! You’ve come to the right place to find folks to talk to. And with. I recognize a lot of what you are saying, especially the friends who don’t think you have a problem. Well, they don’t know. Can’t know. From what you’re telling it’s clear to me and I think to you too what the matter is and what the solution.
I understand it’s scary. But isn’t having blackouts and saying terrible things even more scary? I did therapy both before and after I got sober, and the difference between the two has been huge. Looking back therapy while drinking was useless for me. Couldn’t process what’s going on in therapy when I got drunk at night.
You know, the opposite is true. Only sober I’ve been able to create space for myself, true space. Through therapy. Through meditation. Through lots of sober activities. Being drunk for me was just drinking away into nothingness, into oblivion. The opposite of space really. An ever decreasing little cul de sac. I’m glad you are here friend. We can do this together. Take your time to read around and join in the discussion when you feel like it. Wishing you all success.
If you think you have a problem, then you have a problem. But those people who think you don’t have a problem, do they actually know all the details, like the hiding, and the worsening behaviour?
I really understand wanting to drink “normally”, especially in your work, but in the end you have to balance the risk of “maybe” having a nice time and “maybe” hurting your partner or messing up something in your life.
Like mno said, drinking seems like an escape or private time, but it really just destroys any benefit of time for yourself. Actual rest or self-care requires presence.
The fact you found this site and posted means you know that this is something that you should do. We are happy to support you and have someone else on this journey.
