Hi Everyone
I’ve been visiting this page since 2018, but never had the courage or motivation to post my story. As many on here have said, you think you have control over something in your possession, which is entirely not true, as it’s something another has birthed for another purpose, that fights for control over your mind.
So..here we go.. my story:
This all started when I was 16. I had worked my hardest to get a place in University, it was also a gateway away from my hometown, as the crime rate was ramping up. See, I had never drank, smoked, or done any illegal thing. 2010, University was my first exposure to alcohol, and back in the early 2010’s, drinking at universities was the thing it was most known for.
See, my main thing was to get an education and hoping to find love or my first relationship/love - this never really happened, my first relationship ended explosively after 3 weeks after being shamed in a certain romantanic setting and with a male friend coming over to sleep in her same bed.
I started going out drinking without my uni group, sometimes with locals I met out, sometimes alone. All just for hope of meeting someone - me being intoxicated gave me courage and motivation - but also led to me being taken advantage off and being the start of my problems today. From all of this, the thrill in going out having drinks and been lost in the party atmosphere, then coming back from it all with new friends and encounters, became my dopamine hit in away.
A series of let downs over the years from friends that I could trust made me turn to strangers - which then started my addicitions as tools to give me that sense of escapism that i felt in the club dancing.
Becuase I wasnt finding love or a companion, I looked to other ways to find it.
2016 Started my substance abuse - a stranger become friend at a workplace and brought me into it. At this point I deeply fell for this person, yet they werent into me that much, and were merely using me as friend for there substance activties - this only become clear to me late 2017 when that person used me to get a flat for both of us. I was yet a toy boy.
Right - so fast forward today, A relationship where love truly blossomed, glowed, sang for 3 years and lited rooms - that ended in Feburary this year, when I relaspsed on a substance with people that I trusted to have my back.
Thing is guys, this is the only woman I’ve loved so much as she has loved me - we both still have love for each other but after relaspsing [every 3-5 months] this is something she cant handle - she already knew of my struggles before as I was clean for at least 4 months before we started talking.
My Journey Starts here - being 34 and dependent on self, instead of another - i leave my story here for you all, in hope of having virtual meetings and chance to share my postivety! As the world is a lonely one, reading everyones stories, their truimphs has kept me going and staying sober.
My Plan - to carry travel througout the summer with my sketch book, canal walks and eating on my own at restaurants!
