Hi! Im new here. I joined looking for support. I’m a wife, mom of 3 teenagers, and a registered ICU stepdown nurse. I started drinking casually in my 20s, and now after nursing school, working as a nurse, being a mom of teenagers, and a cancer diagnosis for my husband I’ve taken my drinking from casual, to every night after 8pm. I don’t really know when it transformed to every night. It went from social, to every few days, to every day. It’s only from 8-12 at night, but I can have an entire bottle of wine in that time. Every night. I feel exhausted, physically ill, my liver enzymes are showing elevated on my labs, I’m having a lot of GI issues that as a nurse I know are related to liver inflammation. I struggle with anxiety, and find myself very “amped” up in the evenings, whether from work, or just chaos with our busy family. Alcohol has become a way to calm down and relax. Im angry about how much it controls me now. Im a very type A, in control person, but when I plan to not drink, I fail every time and end up making a drink or opening a bottle. My family has no idea that I’m having an issue. My husband knows I drink, but I think he still thinks it’s by choice, and not addiction. I want support but I’m ashamed to talk to my friends and family. I’m here looking for anonymous support. Is there anyone similar to me in life or struggles?
I am sure that most of us with alcohol as drug of choice are similar. Many use it to shut other things off for a bit. It doesn’t help. To acknowledge that is hard for nearly every single person who knows it is, or is becoming, a problem.
I suggest reading a lot here. You’ll find many you understand and relate to.
Welcome to the community!
I relate a lot. I’m also a mom and very high functioning person in work. But I’ve been drinking every night and the amount creeps up. I’ve quit sometimes, had almost two yeatmrs sober around the pandemic and after, then thought I could moderate, went back to drinking and it crept back again. So I’m back here. Day 2. This is a useful resource for accountability! It’s also good to think about other elements you may need to plan for sobriety, either an official program or one you put together. I’m planning to do more yoga in the evenings instead of wine, to find healthier ways to calm down.
Sounds familiar. Only by the end of my drinking career, I was polishing off 2 to 4 bottles on the nights I drank. I also thought it was somehow helping my anxiety or helping me calm down. In reality, it was adding chaos to my nervous system.
I found reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace to be helpful in my early days…gave me a new perspective.
You definitely are not alone. Glad you are here. 
I have had The Naked Mind book on my shelf for a few months. One of our doctors suggested it to a patient, so I bought it, but have yet to sit down and open it. I’ve seen it suggested a lot here, so my goal is to start it this week.
Sounds like a great plan. Maybe start tonight versus drinking. I also found going to bed earlier helped a lot. I listened to guided meditations…they were relaxing…which was needed as my brain was a mess.
You are not alone
Have a good read around and educate yourself about addiction and recovery. Willpower never is enough, we need help and a plan, work daily on recovery and learn how to navigate life in healthy ways.
Welcome! Sounds like a plan! Why not share some of your thoughts on what you read on this thread? Annie Grace’s publications were my introduction into the recovery world, I learned a lot that really changed the way I look at alcohol.
That’s a great idea- I will! I work 3-12hours over the next 3 days, but my first day off I’ll plan to read.