So I lost everything that ment anything to me . I tried many times to quit and I always make loopholes for myself and it gets worse 
anything I loved I lost it just seems to get worse and worse I don’t see a way out anymore
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Are you sober right now?
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You can decide if youre sick and tired of being sick and tired. Next step is to make a decision to change and find support.
Whats holding you back from trying to give sobriety an honest try?
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Yes kinda I am for long periods don’t use like I used to that’s for sure
I tried it and idk being numb is what I make the excuse for . And I seem to find no reason not to anymore and will come up with reasons why instead of why not
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Why do you want to be numb? Is your drug of choice still working for you? Are you tired and looking for another way to live? The addiction will do all it can in our brains to rationalize using…even when its not working. In the beginning sobriety is uncomfortable because we have to resist these urges and these habit loops but breaking the cycle is so empowering and life on the other side can be more fulfilling.
I personally wanted to tune out with using but i began to isolate and alienate those around me. Weed and booze were my top priority. It took me spiraling and nearly losing everything to decide to try another way.
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Which is why I am trying this again . I already lost all I can …. And don’t want to say but two kids died same year … lost a wife just I hurt all the time with these things I was stabbed 16 times at once not because of me it was a random thing by someone out of their minds . So my body is always hurting from the damage and the drug I use or used does stop that all together but yes it becomes all I want and care for at all .
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Hows it going today?
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Have a good read around, learn about addiction and recovery, contribute where you feel comfortable 
I’m still here thats something …. And cut down even more
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Seems you had a lot of terrible things happened to you. I can understand why you would rather numb the pain, both physical and mentaly. But it only will make things worse. I hope you´ll find enough support here to help you become sober and find a way to a better life
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Yes it is a working . I use crack cocaine. They tried to when I was hurt give me worse things ….. i said no …. I started at coke and tgan this for years now . But it’s not good by any word and I don’t think it’s good but it does stop the pain than two of my kids in one year died …. And I just couldn’t deal with it so with what I use it makes me not think …..
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Sometimes writting on here helps. Im sure if you find the right words itll make a lot of sence to you why your here on the forum. You can message me too 
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Glad to see you are back online. Sounds like theres alot of hurt youve been avoiding with drug use. Are you sober today?
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I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of losing your children, I am so incredibly sorry. It makes complete sense why you’d want to numb everything. I’m just glad you’re here and sharing this with us. Please keep writing when you feel up to it, we’re listening
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