Im currently on probation and have to have a clean ua for 90 days in order to be off, which is not the goal here. The goal here is to finally live a sober life. After 10+ years of living in addiction…im tired. Im currently a day and a half off of fetty. Im on 26mg of methadone, which helps a lot, but i can feel the urge to use deep down inside and no matter what i do to keep my mind and body busy…it just doesnt go away. I really need some great advice here. If you can remember how/what you did in your earlier days of recovery…what did you do to push down/throw those urges away? ANY help is greatly appreciated.
7 Likes
I did lots of self reflecting.
10 years is a long time.
When i got sober for the first time i had no idea who i actually was. I lived to get fked up for so long thats all i knew
You dont need to chase the high anymore
When your staying sober
Even when your still
Your doing something to benefit yourself
3 Likes
Welcome! I’m glad you found your way here, and I hope you will stay. Congratulations on your desire to live clean and sober. Now you must execute on this desire to make it a reality.
I have been sober from alcohol for 8.5 years. First I had to decide to never drink again. Then I had to accept that I could never drink again. Once I reconciled these two things, I was ready to be sober.
Examine your life. Are there people, places and things that bring on the urge to use? Eliminate these from your life, because these people, places & things are in opposition to your sobriety.
Not using your DOC will create a void in your life. Don’t fall into the trap of telling yourself “My DOC is X. I no longer use X, but I do use Y to take the edge off life”. This is a lie. If I no longer drink, but still smoke weed, I am not sober. Once you’re opiate withdrawals are manageable, and with the assistance of medical professionals, get off methadone. Don’t use anything at anytime that isn’t prescribed by a doctor. I’ve never had a drug issue. Haven’t used anything other than alcohol since the early 1980s. When I had a tooth extraction and was prescribed painkillers, I left the prescription unfilled. Tylenol was enough. Clean and sober means just that.
Look for positive things to quiet the noises in your brain, which can get loud during eay recovery. For me, I walked miles on a treadmill while listening to podcasts and audio books. Then I started martial arts training. This was what I needed to stay grounded and centered.
Last but not least: stay connected here. Know you can always find someone who understands the challenges, no matter the day or the hour. I lived on this forum for my first year of sobriety.
9 Likes
Glad you’re here Liz! This is a great place to find support and resources to combat addiction and help live a sober life! TS is a great community filled with great people.
Alcohol, cocaine and cannabis were my DOC, but urges are and cravings do not discriminate. I’ve been told in the past that I needed to put in as much time into my recovery as I did into my addiction, and I think that was great advice. Spend some time reading around here, locating local meetings (NA, Smart Recovery or Recovery Dharma) to attend, and consuming recovery literature! Therapy is also always a good recommendation when possible!
The link below is to a page about the DBT skill called Urge Surfing, which really helps me when craving/urges to use feel like they will last forever or are overwhelming.
I’m glad you’re here and that you are reaching out for support! Definitely a step in a healthy direction. There are plenty of people here who are willing to listen and provide their experiences, so don’t hesitate to reach out 
8 Likes
Thank you so much @Yoda-Stevie!
Im almost on day 2, with less than 12 hours to go to reaching that milestone, and I feel perfectly fine right now. The urge has left, from when I made the post. I truely believe it’s because I spent a while reading some posts/threads on here. It really does take your mind off of things by changing the narrative/direction. Changing my friends, places and what i do is quite difficult. I currently live in a motel (paying day by day), and I have 1 friend (who also uses fetty and meth, which i dont use), and I’m enrolled into online college courses from the state I was born and raised from (Alaska). I don’t hangout in rough parts of the city. I don’t use in public areas (only in my room). I dress appropriately and I take care of myself. My probation officer says that I’m defined as a “functional addict”, which i agree with. Although I only use in my room, I feel as it sometimes makes me wanna smoke, but then again it doesn’t at the same time. I feel like I’m weird in the different aspects of my addiction and my habits.
7 Likes
Thank you @Alexh666 ! I really needed to hear that. So far…I’m really enjoying this app and I absolutely love the vibes in these different categories, posts, trends, groups, etc. I’m currently on probation, so I am required to enroll into treatment program, so that’s why I’m on methadone right now and I’m currently enrolled into a treatment program called Continuum (formally known as OnTrac). I attend classes 3 days out of the week through zoom and I find it to be quite interesting to be honest. A few years ago I attended a NA meeting with a friend of mine (I no longer associate with him because he has other DOC’s than me and he’s been in trouble with the law often.. I’m more of a mellow user who likes to keep to myself), but I find that NA meetings is more triggering than helpful. Personally, I just think that hearing about other people’s experiences and how their DOC used to make them feel just makes it to where I want to feel like that too, at that moment, so personally I just feel like NA meetings are not for me, but I’m very happy for those that find NA meeting’s helpful. Again, thank you so much
5 Likes
This community has been a great resource for me, I’m relatively new here but I feel like this place will become a well used tool for my sobriety. Definitely hope the same for you!
Glad to hear you are enrolled in a treatment program! I hope you are able to maintain attendance and utilize the opportunity 
I can understand the feeling of being triggered in meetings. Sometimes people reminisce about their drinking/drug use and that can be difficult. But, I’ve found that in most rooms people do not glorify drinking/drug use. It’s actually the opposite in my experience, more stories about negative consequences due to use and how sobriety has been an opportunity to improve their situations and lives. Just something to consider, the community aspect is what I find most beneficial!
2 Likes
Thank you, Alex! This is really helpful for me, too.
2 Likes
I used opiates of any kind and other substances for 25 years. I now have an extended amount of clean time, and I can say the grass is greener on this side.
I was a habitual relapser for many of those years, always just wanting to stay clean. Speaking for myself, drugs were an obvious issue but the main issue was me and my character defects. My buried trauma, my ego, and many other negative traits.
I would quit drugs and white knuckle it, thinking clean time equaled happiness. I was far from correct. I would even go to NA meetings and just be irritated by all the happy addicts who were literally telling me what to do, but I never listened. Until I finally surrendered, mentally and physically exhausted.
I started attending more meetings but also opening myself up to myself. journaling, working on defects, not isolating, and pushing myself to get out with or call others in recovery. Anyway, like the old saying goes “ if I can get clean, anyone can.” Don’t waste the majority of your life the way I did. My only regret is not getting clean and working on myself earlier.
2 Likes
Welcome @Liz907 
Here’s a linklist with great threads on recovery, check it out and have a good rwad ariund.
tons od wisdom and ecperience there.
1 Like