Lately everyday has been a struggle for me. I feel Like I am constantly suffering the consequences of my past actions from when I was actively using. You don’t realize at the time the destruction you are causing for yourself. Only when You’re sober do You realize it, and by the time it’s too late the damage is already done.
When I was deep into my addiction I was also in a toxic abusive relationship. I was using the drugs to numb myself because I couldn’t deal with my life at the time and I felt stuck. During this time I was arrested for two DUIs and my ex and I had numerous domestics. I’ve never been arrested until I was 39 years old. I was put on two years of probation. I ended up violating because I relapsed I was put on supervised probation, got off that. Then relapsed again so they violated me. After being violated I still couldn’t stay clean. The day before I was supposed to go to court and was going to be sentenced to 12 months in jail, I checked into detox and a inpatient treatment program.
4 years later, this past January I finally was discharged from probation. After rehab, I took the first job I could get working at a pizza place. I’ve been looking for a new job ever since. I submit applications several times a week and I still have not found anything. And I need a new job desperately immediately. This job I’m working right now is not good for my mental health. My manager is toxic and triggers my anxiety constantly. He does not treat anyone else the way he treats me. On my day off someone else called out he called me to work I was unable to work and he took away my shift the next day at work.It’s affecting me financially. Im literally broke, and have a 9-year-old daughter I have to take care of, rent to pay and lots of other bills.
This is why I feel like I’m facing karma. You think when you get sober life will be great. But life is really hard. Even though I’m sober I feel like I’m slowly climbing up from bottom… honestly I don’t know what to do anymore?!
