I didn’t know the forum was hiding here when I first installed the timer, but I’m thankful I found it. I never reinstalled my old timer when I got a new phone, didn’t think I needed it anymore (Wrong!). Thought I had alcohol beat (Wrong!). A guy like me can never “beat” alcohol, I can only choose not to play its game. So here’s a sparkling water toast to Day 1!
Here’s my story
20 years of Active Duty military service as a single guy mostly overseas. As you can probably guess those were some hard partying Decades. Drugs are not tolerated in the military, but you can have as much alcohol as you can afford. Fast forward to 4 years after my military retirement. I’ve got a great job as a military contractor and I got married to the love of my life. People often say “the love of my life” without giving it a second thought. But I truly mean it, my wife is such a super star and so beautiful and she’s my best friend too. Not sure I deserve her and I know she doesn’t deserve the pain I cause her. So in March of 2020 my wonderful wife was at her wits end with my drinking, I knew I had to quit. So I quit and it was hard, I had all the withdrawals people talk about on here.
I quit for over three years and life was great. Everything is better sober; work, play, bank account, and relationships (especially with my wife). And I threw it all away…. This didn’t happen all at once it was a slippery slope that took months to play out. The first drink I had was at the Indy 500 while staying in the campgrounds at the track. There were crazy parties and fireworks going off and it was past my bedtime. I thought wow how did I ever sleep through this in the past??? I was always drunk that’s how. I saw one my buddies half bottle of whiskey and thought hey it’s just one mouthful as a sleep aid. Worked great, fell asleep had tiny heartburn and no desire for another drink. Good work right. Wrong, Strike One! Fast forward over two months not another drink and no desire. Then I have hernia surgery, after 2 days of sitting and sleeping in recliner I can no longer go to sleep at a normal hour. So a mouthful of vodka 3 nights in a row solves this problem. And once again when I no longer “needed it” I was able to stop. Worked great again. Wrong, Strike Two!! This time I went a month without a drink (timeframes in between are shrinking, hmmm?). After that month I would have a mouthful of vodka anytime I had sleep troubles, maybe once or twice a week. Self medicating again. Strike Three! This went on for a month and then one night almost exactly 4 weeks ago my wife and I had a little tiff so tiny she doesn’t even remember it. And it was all my fault anyway, like I said not sure I deserve her. Anyway it was early and I had already had my mouthful and she had gone to bed early due to having an early morning the next day. So what do I do? Make myself a proper drink of course. And then another, and another and after a few more my mind went off the rails completely and by the time I went to bed I had finished half of a 1.75L. Wow is there such a thing as Strike Four!?!? After that night I tried to quit at least 3 times with zero success. And then finally 2 nights ago my wife confronted me. Told me she noticed the bottle being emptied and she also found one I had in my car trunk. I feel terrible, but the look on my wife’s face made it infinitely worse. Can’t believe how disappointed I’ve made her. It’s been 35 years since I played little league, but I’m pretty sure you’re definitely out after Five Strikes….
So here I am I’ve struck out but I have decided to get back in the game. Not alcohols game because I now know for sure that I can’t win that game. Just going to try to earn my wife’s trust back one day at a time.
I hope someone gets something from my story. I know I got something just from writing it.
Welcome to the forum @CElliot
Thank you for sharing. A good reminder to not test the waters.
Do have a good read around, maybe you want to check- in on the daily check in thread, the gratitude thread or hop on some other threads, lots of good stuff here and the lights are always on. You are not alone.
I’m glad you found us friend. We’re in this together and the more the stronger we are. It’s never again, One day at a time. Thanks for the strong reminder. Wishing you all success and welcome aboard.
Welcome, that story always ends the same. Alcohol is a progressive disease as you’ve found out and people like you and me can never have that first drink. The good news is it’s only for today. I wish you well on your journey
Thanks for sharing with us!
This is a good reminder that “just one” doesn’t work.
I’ll keep that in the back of my mind as I can see myself relax a bit more around alcohol as my sober time goes on.
Crazy how our minds will tell us it’s ok to just have one.
Good luck to you on your new journey!
Welcome to this wonderful place. I hope you find what you need here. From your post I got the feeling that you can and will get your sobriety back and that you have no illusions on what awaits if you if you don’t. I’m sure you’ll be an asset to this place.
As a fellow alkie I would encourage you tho to look a bit deeper re your strikes. You had over three years. It doesn’t ring true to me you gave that away for a simple sleeping aid. Idk man. What else is there or was there in you that was unfulfilled? Find your unconscious needs and wishes, the ones that in fantasy the alcohol is helping us to fulfill, and address them yourself. Through taking care of your emotional and life needs and wants. It starts w careful introspection.
Welcome. The slide is insidious isn’t it? The “I’m ok” “I’m still ok” “Oh, shit, I’m not ok”.
At over three years myself, I definitely got something from your story. Thanks for sharing. We are all just a delusional decision away from being right back where we were. We have to remember that.
Man,…this is a story that feels all to familiar, ive screamed and pushed and cheated…
Drank so much i literally would go 3-4 here and there vomiting from alcohol poisoning scared my heart was gonna stop…
I think the hardest part if starting over is convicing urself u even deserve to have the people u love in ur life
Welcome . The great news is that you know the life sobriety brings so you know that it gets better. The early stages are hard but much easier with a community behind you. We got you and in turn you got us, lets stay sober for today. Best wishes my new friend
Don’t get down on yourself I’m currently in rehab on my at least 200th attempt at sobriety first seeking treatment I’m at 88 days. Hopefully this one sticks.
Congrats on your new start and not giving up on yourself or life. Glad you find this community and let us love you and give our suggestion of our experience strength and hope. You’re not alone and never have to do it alone we are here for you. Thank you for your service n again welcome back. One day at a time.
I’m so glad you wrote this, it spoke to my heart
Im over 3 years sober now and I will soon have to go to a loved ones funeral, I have thought, will i need just one drink? After reading your story I’m not wondering anymore, I wont take the chance.
Thank you
I truly appreciate every message on here; the welcomes and the kindness people have shown me. But your encouragement to look a bit deeper might be just what I needed to hear, so an extra thank you @Faugxh
Thank you for your story. This reinforces that I can never go back again. In 30 years I’ve only managed to stay sober for 45, 53, and earlier this year 71 days. This is a tiny drop in the bucket compared to your accomplishment. Stay strong my man. You do deserve your wifey. I know I’m going to do my best to as well.
and congrats on making this your new day 1 
you will find lots of support here and many people will have similar stories.
. The great news is that you know the life sobriety brings so you know that it gets better. The early stages are hard but much easier with a community behind you. We got you and in turn you got us, lets stay sober for today. Best wishes my new friend
