Hi. I’m a therapist. I’ve helped many people work through addiction, shame, self hatred…and yet, I’m addicted to Porn. I’m human too. I’ve struggled off and on for 20+ years. I used to beat myself every lapse and relapse. I carried a lot of shame for years because I’ve helped a lot of people work through substance and sexual addiction, but I was also having some setbacks. One year I made it pretty much a full year sober and I was so proud of myself and then I relapsed…I haven’t been able to make it more than 6-9 months since then, but I keep trying. I realized one day it’s not about the perfection, but the wins and patterns that I’m working on improving. I found it easier to practice self love and compassion when I didn’t focus on perfection.
It’s still helpful to make goals for sobriety and shoot for abstinence. I think it’s more important to practice changing the narrative when you struggle. You can create a narrative that you’re a failure and think about how stupid and dumb you are but….thats not gonna create change …only shame, which leads to more relapses. Try practicing self love. Act like you’re cheering for a dear friend or loved one. You wouldn’t shame them. You would love them.
Practice some self love this week. I’m a month sober by the way and I’m loving all parts of my self, especially the parts that still occasionally struggle.
Hey David! Welcome to the community!! First off, HUGE congratulations on 1 month! And 2nd of all, I LOVED ur post!!
I can relate to some of it for sure. I have been working in the “helping” field for over 16 years now, and over a decade ago i was working as a residential counsellor at a halfway house, helping men coming out of prison with their life goals, with their addiction issues, mental health diagnosis, behaviours etc… yet i struggled with my own demons. I felt like a hypocrite. I had alot of knowledge, knew what to do, and what to suggest to others to help them with their struggles, but couldnt (at that time), follow my own advice. Its a much diff story now thankfully. But boy, that wasnt a good feeling.
I loved what ur wrote here:
Its soo important that we speak to ourselves as if we were speaking to a friend. I wouldnt shame or call down a friend… so why on earth do i do it to myself?! I find that making daily changes helps in obtaining longterm recovery. Its what we do each day that helps. I know that addiction does not take a day off. So why should we in recovery? Right? We only have a daily reprieve against our addictions.
Im glad ur here! I hope that u find this forum useful for u and ur recovery
Thanks so much for the support and thoughtful response. I haven’t been part of a community support network like this in a long time and I plan to be as present as I can to learn and offer support.
One thing is what we know about addiction and recovery. Without any doubt, it’s crucial to know how addiction and recovery tools work.
On the other side is what we feel and crave emotionally. That part can’t be nourished with knowledge. Having a safe space, being vulnerable, finding connection are very helpful for me. I find this on TS.
Warm welcome to the forum! I‘m glad you found us. We need you here. Not as an expert, just as one addict connecting with others, for a recovery in community. We are in this together
