My husband just told me if I relapse it’ll be the end of our marriage. I’ve been struggling with alcohol for five years and addiction basically my whole life. Relapse has felt almost inevitable every time. I know it sucks that I drink every night but it’s always at night, always after the kids go to bed. I screwed up Tuesday and drank during the day and here we are.
He’s about to go out of town for a full week, I’ll have about 4 days of sobriety under my belt at that point. I don’t see much hope in me maintaining it. I feel so incredibly trapped. I’m at 48 hours sober and all I can think about is drinking. I can’t believe he just laid this on me. I already feel lower then dirt. Now I’ve got the pressure of potentially destroying my whole family if I mess up.
I’m sorry you’re struggling and it’s great that you’ve reached out.
The only person you can truly quit for is yourself unfortunately.
That said, he’s also allowed to have his own boundaries.
I gave up alcohol and my long term partner at the time wasn’t interested in doing so and ultimately for my own mental health I needed to end things.
I don’t have the right answers, but I will say that alcohol only destroys people and relationships 100% of the time and it’s worth investing in yourself and your life without the poison.
Try not to think of this ultimatum but more about getting through one moment at a time.
This is your struggle with addiction and right now it’s you that you have to focus on.
Hopefully your husband can find a different approach to support you.
I hope you keep checking in with us at least and let us know how you’re doing.
My advice is to only think about the here and now. Don’t think about tomorrow, don’t think about next week. You’re not there, you only control right now.
Submerge yourself in recovery related content. This place, podcasts, books, videos, meetings…. whatever resonates with you.
Recovery is a very winnable battle, you can do this. Reach out here when you need help, there are always people around. You deserve a sober, happy, healthy life. Best wishes to you
I agree with Dan, focus on today, this hour, this minute to stay sober. It is hard, we all know that, but you can do it. Come visit here abd reach out anytime you need strength, someone is usually around to help. Don’t drink. Take it a second at a time if you have..take a walk, hit a movie, go to sleep, take a bath, come on here, find something, anything, but do not drink. You can do this.
sobriety and recovery are your choice. do work on it. daily.
i can understand your husband but his behaviour is not helpful to support your sobriety journey.
you can only focus on what you can control and that’s your decicions and actions.
I get where you’re coming from this but you should use caution as well. You couldn’t possibly know this about me but I was raised by an alcoholic mother in a very abusive situation. I loathe what I’ve become and am full of such overwhelming shame and guilt that it’s literally breaking me reading these comments. So new and fragile in my sobriety and feeling very under supported. It’s why I’ve never connected with communities because getting people to understand is impossible. I’ve taken great care to keep my kids from seeing me drinking, doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop for them but none of this is about what’s best for me. Or what I’m capable of doing.
your kids know. there is no hiding. the changed behaviour, the moodyness, the slurry speech, the not being able to be present, the smell. you can’t hide that. my mother was an alcoholic, so this is first hand experience.
focus on yourself and the next right thing to do. be kind to yourself. get professional help.
it takes time to build a sober toolbox to navigate life. hugs
I told you that because one of my motivation to stop drinking was because I didn’t want to be remembered like the always drunk aunty. Now at mine 894 day without alcohol im a mom to a beautiful a 5 month baby girl. But when i decided to stop I took a rehab also and start to work with a psychologist.
Sorry for your past but here everyone has a story. Thats why we are here. To share stories and to be together with this. Take a break tonight from the bottle and drink a tea for an example and think how beautiful are your children and that one day they will be proud of you and your husband also.
I feel for you , this is a shit situation to be in, and ultimatum never go down well .
I am an addict and I can tell you the only person you can do this for is yourself !! You have to be ready to do it for yourself and the rest of the family ect is important of course but only you can do this and you have to want it really really badly .
I don’t think anyone is trying to make you feel bad , we’re all here for the same reasons and know how hard it is…. A nobody is saying it’s an easy road by any means .
I am 28 days sober and today all I have thought about is drinking but I’m just concentrating on not drinking tonight , then tomorrow I will do the same and then so on .
This community has helped me get to this spot now and the people in it are incredibly supportive , sometimes they say things that are hard to hear but are usually ultimately true because we’re all addicts and we all have a lot of emotional baggage that we’re carrying.
I hope you stay on track and stick with us
We’re here for you x
I came from a very similar background. You’ll find whatever it is you’re looking for here, except for excuses to use. Addiction is very strong, it’s much easier to beat in numbers. I hope you find things that resonate for you here.
