For a few days now I’ve been severely depressed, strong emotions of hopelessness and having obsessive suicidal thoughts.
I already have a history of mental illness, been taking my antipsychotic and antidepressant for about a decade. Ive been mentally stable.
But now, Im super depressed and I want to drink again thinking it’ll help.
I’ve resorted to taking my prescribed as needed medication to calm me down (not abusing it).
Ive been off work this week as well. Just cant stop crying.
I dont know if this is from withdrawals from alcohol or what. Did anyone else feel this way? Is this normal?
I tried to reach out to my psychiatrist but no availability till mid June. My family doctor is calling me today (shes very dismissive and not helpful)
Ugh I just want a drink Just one
Thanks for reading, sorry for the rambling I dont know what else to do
Edit:
I talked to my family doctor about my obsessive suicidal thoughts and she told me to take vitamins B1, thiamine. She said Im probably deficient, which I dont disagree.
Woke up this morning still feeling like I want to die.
Contacted suicide support line, pretty much told me to splash my face with cold water or eat spicy food to “reset my nervous system”.
No drink for you and yes that’s normal. Be patient and give yourself some extra kindness. You can find a lot about withdrawals and navigating early sobriety here
Completely normal! Your body is trying to regulate back to normality without the numbing effects of the alcohol. It’s like everything you once escaped from comes back to you in a tidal wave.
One thing that really helped me early on was HALT. Sometimes just getting past that initial irritation by one of these can help you make it through to the next It will get easier with time, just like any discipline Prayers for you!!
Omg this has just saved me !! Ive never seen this before but the answer is yes to almost every question on there, I’m tired , hungry and probably dehydrate from work . So that’s most likely why I feel irritated and am thinking about a drink !
This is so simple ,and a great technique I’ve saved this to my phone now ! Thank you so much for sharing
You are not alone! I have a history of mental illness and struggled with the mood changes. Your brain is in flux. Its like you are relearning how to live as your brain chemisty tries to balance out without drugs and alcohol.
Good for you for reaching out to your doctors and here for help. Its tough in early sobriety and my moods and emotions were all over the place. This is a normal part of recovery. BUT if your suicidal thoughts become too much before you can get into the doctor please reach out or go to the hospital.
You dont have to go thru this alone. We are here with you
I talked to my family doctor about my obsessive suicidal thoughts and she told me to take vitamins B1, thiamine. She said Im probably deficient, which I dont disagree.
Woke up this morning still feeling like I want to die.
Contacted suicide support line, pretty much told me to splash my face with cold water or eat spicy food to “reset my nervous system”.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there myself many times. Is there anyone near you that you trust and can reach out to? Like Cjp said above, maybe going to the hospital would be the best bet for now until you are safe. You are worthy of a beautiful life, and I don’t know you in person and what your life is like but I promise more people care and love you more than the lies your brain may be telling you.
I can only speak for myself but when I am in darkness like that I have to remind myself of what I am thankful for, remember my why I got sober in the first place. I pray to God and give it all to him. Honestly, that has saved my life time and time again. I understand that not everyone has that or believes that. But I am truly praying for your peace and that you can see how much your life means.
Just one
It will get easier with time, just like any discipline 
Prayers for you!!
