Hey everyone I’m struggling really hard because my sponsor doesn’t have time for me anymore as he is going through a lot in his life. He told me when he started sponsoring me that he wouldn’t let me down as he experienced it with his first sponsor and knew how painful it is but yet it still happen.
I’m understanding of his situation but I also feel hurt. I love having him as a sponsor and I can’t just replace him like that. Building trust with others is something that requires time and opening up to others is hard too for me.
I know a lot of people around me in meetings have good advices but I need a sponsor that’s also kind and soft (which he was most the time) in telling me what to work on and a lot of people who have good advices are also harsh or straight up cold with it.
I’m not sure if this is temporary or permanent he seemed to say that it was temporary for now but I got hurt and told him that I was hurt and I feel like I was probably heavy on him by doing that.
He told me I could still send the 5 gratitudes I write everyday which is good I guess.
Idk what to do really
I feel ashamed to go to meetings on sunday as he is there but Imma go to go out my comfort zone.
Sorry about the loss of your sponsor. I think getting and staying out of my comfort zone is a huge key to my sobriety. So I think that is a great idea to still go to that meeting. Especially if you like that meeting.
I don’t have much else to say about sponsors.
Now gratitude on the other hand I could go on and on about.
We have a great gratitude thread here at TS. In my first 5 years I read others. Posted my own gratitude. Sometimes more than once a day. Started living gratitude. I never missed a day. I retrained my brain. Come on over if you’re willing. Great bunch of us over here
Thats tough. Its a sponsors role to guide you thru the steps and be a sounding board. A good sponsor just wants a sponsee to get and stay sober even if its not with them. The first lesson i learned when i became a sponsor was dont take it personally.
I felt guilty when i left my 1st sponsor but she didnt want to meet on weekends and weekends were best for me. People change, situations change. Part of living sober is navigating relationships sober and that includes with a sponsor.
My sponsor would tell me to pray about it to a higher power of my understanding and start looking for a same-sex individual who has the kind of sobriety i want.
Tip: just because someone has a lot of years isnt necessarily a sign of working a quality program. Listen to peoples shares. Call people on phone lists.
First things happen we have no control over people places and things, maybe your sponsor has his own problems and his well being for him comes first ,your thoughts he let you down so maybe if its only temp you could find another replacement thats kind and soft , my sponsor was as rough as a badgers arse here in Glasgow we dont do kind and soft we shoot straight from the hip and for me thats what i needed sadly after 25 years with him he passed away ,i sponsor have been now for over 36 years im fair and listen to my guys , so if you see him at the meeting tell him your sorry if you were to heavy on him and maybe he could point you in the right direction to get a temp one . im sure youl do the right thing got your back wish you well
Hey there! Wow, I have read some many great things in your post. I hear that you are hurt and I also hear that you are expressing your feelings to the person who you felt hurt you. You’re coming here looking for suggestions and you’re still sober. I mean, I dont know about you but there were times im my life that I couldnt do any of those so congrats thats awesome. Its been my experience that in early recovery everything felt very black and white, all or nothing and over the years I have slowly found the “grey” . I have come to understand that, there is a natural flow to life and if I stay flexible life just moves along and I seem to move easily with it. What if only some things changed for a little while ? What if your sponsor has stuff going on and he had to pull back his one-on-one time and thats all that changed and it didnt change forever? What if there was a way that you could still feel connected and supported by him while also maybe walking beside him through whatever it is he’s going through? I think that finding someone we truly feel connected with is special and you’re right to be hesitant to give that up. I personally dont think you have to. In addiction I was quick to leave relationships, to wash my hands of things that got a little tough or uncomfortable or maybe werent exactly how I wanted them. In recovery I have learned from my relationship with my sponsor and my sponsees that we see each other through life’s shit… not just me helping them, they help me too. We stick by each other, thats how we learn to stay sober through life on life’s terms.
Thank you for your message. I would love to be there for him but he doesn’t seem to want too. I’m not sureI feel confused he used to tell me he loved doing sponsoring with me and idk maybe me taking it wrong hurt him or something.
Id like to not give it up, I believe in not throwing away relationships but I feel this ain’t up to me at this point. Imma be honest there was time where I was a little bit in ego and it affected our sponsorship but I apologized and we were good. Last time we had a little tension because I asked why are there exact questions repeated throughout the steps at different steps and he told me don’t ask questions and I took it wrong because it’s a part of me to ask questions but that was it then I apologized made sure we wasn’t in cold and told him thank you for being there but then idk it seemed to gotten bad from there suddenly. I asked him if there was any chance to do sponsorship again in the future he said he don’t know that he going through stuff and don’t wanna make me lose the opportunity to be sponsored by someone else.
For now I don’t want a sponsor again because it hurts and because I can’t just open up to someone that easily. Imma try and focus on school instead and put sponsorship aside. I did wanna work the steps with a sponsor which sucks. For today it’s like that maybe in the future we’ll see this out clearer. Appreciate your message btw thank you
