How Do You Really Know if You’re an Alcoholic?

Your Story
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I’ve been thinking about quitting for a couple of years now. Nothing “disastrous” has happened—no DUIs, no lost job—but I keep noticing a pattern. I can go a week or two without drinking, then out of nowhere I get this huge urge and end up having 5–8 shots in one night. The next few days are rough: anxiety through the roof, depression all over the place, and a heavy load of guilt and shame. Eventually I start feeling better… until the cycle starts again.

I believe in God and I trust that He can do all things. My struggle is with surrender. There’s a voice inside that says I’m not truly powerless—or that my moments of powerlessness “aren’t that bad.” I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.

Part of me just wants someone to tell me, “Yep, you’re an alcoholic, here’s your badge—now go do the work.” But I know it doesn’t work that way. I’m afraid alcohol might be eroding my character and potential so subtly that I won’t notice until years from now—when I see a picture of myself and think, Man, I’ve really gone downhill.

Does this resonate with anyone? How did you know for sure? Any pointers on how to figure this out and break the cycle?

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If you are here and asking that question then it’s normally a good indicator.

Stick around. Read some posts of the people with long term sobriety, they usually post suggestions. Then follow those suggestions

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Welcome J
Only you can decide whether you’re an alcoholic or not. Like Englishd said. Have a good read around and learn as much as you can about addiction alcoholism whatever you want to call it.

I drank for 45 years. Most of it heavily. But I never got a DUI. Never cheated on my wife. Never missed work. Never got fired. Never got arrested. When I first got sober right here 5 years ago I had no regrets about my past.
But around my 4th year sober and definitely now I do have regrets that I did not try for sobriety earlier in my life. I was a good dad, son, brother husband, but I drank a lot and don’t remember a lot. I now wish I didn’t wait until I was 60 to get sober.

Thanks for listening.
Felt good to share that.
I hope we see you around.
My life is so much easier and better now that I’m sober.
:folded_hands:t2::heart:

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That hits home. That’s exactly my worry. Glad you finally made the decision. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

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How did i know I was an addict?
I took a good honest look at myself. I think i internally knew all along that I had a problem. But my mind was just trying to convince me otherwise. The problem for us alcoholics and addicts, stems in the mind. Our minds will lie to us constantly when it comes to our addictions. So it would tell me i “wasnt that bad” or “that it will be different this time” or “i can have just one”. I think tho that if we really look deep down inside, we already know the answer. Only u can decide tho.

I know one thing is for sure. I never regreted getting clean and sober :slight_smile: even if i wasnt an addict, my life is much better off without it.

Glad ur here with us :slight_smile:

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Thank you for this lovely reply.

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And u know… if u think u may have a problem with alcohol… u dont have to reach all these rock bottoms (loss of a job, a DUI, etc) before u can get help and live an alcohol free life. My sponsor once told me that if I was a true addict/alcoholic, it was only a matter of time before these things happened. So best to get help as soon as u can :slight_smile:

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It’s one of those things that, when you know, you know.

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The signs of alcohol abuse and addiction aren’t always obvious. Some people may find that they frequently end up drinking more than they intend to, or they’re constantly thinking about the next time they get to drink. Others may rely on alcohol to cope with stressful situations, or use it habitually after getting home from work each day.

These are just a few of the many different physical and emotional signs that can point toward a potential struggle with alcoholism. If you’re concerned about the relationship you or a loved one may have with alcohol, it’s helpful to understand the signs of alcohol addiction and learn where to turn for help.

What Is Alcoholism or Alcohol Use Disorder?

Alcohol use disorder (AUD), the clinical term for alcoholism, is defined as the inability to stop using alcohol excessively despite negative impacts in other areas of someone’s life. Alcoholism is considered to be a disease that affects the brain, and it can be a mild, moderate or severe disorder.

Many people drink in moderation, which is defined as one daily drink for women or two daily drinks for men. However, some people may end up developing tolerance, which causes them to need larger amounts of alcohol to feel the same effects. This heavy alcohol use can eventually lead to the development of alcoholism. In the United States, approximately 14.1 million adults aged 18 or older and 414,000 children aged 12 to 17 meet the criteria for alcoholism.

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I Drink Every Night — Am I an Alcoholic?

Consuming alcohol occasionally or even on a nightly basis does not automatically mean someone is an alcoholic. Other factors, such as how much someone is drinking and the reasons behind their alcohol use, are better indicators of a potential alcohol use disorder.

Difference Between Heavy Drinkers and Alcoholics

Heavy drinking does not necessarily mean you are an alcoholic, but being an alcoholic almost certainly means that you drink heavily and often. When and how someone drinks is a factor that can differentiate an alcoholic from someone who is a heavy drinker. Heavy drinking may occur on occasion for some people, but they are able to stop drinking when they want. Someone who is an alcoholic does not feel like they can stop drinking whenever they want, and they often have to drink more and more to feel satisfied.

What Is Considered Heavy Drinking?

In general, heavy drinking for men is considered to be more than four drinks in a day or more than 14 drinks per week. Heavy drinking for women is considered to be more than three drinks a day or more than seven drinks per week.

11 Signs That You Might be an Alcoholic

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5) has criteria that can help you determine whether you may be an alcoholic. The questions included in the criteria are:

  1. Do you ever drink more than intended?
  2. Do you feel like you are unable to cut down on the amount of alcohol you drink?
  3. Have you ever felt sick for an extended period of time after drinking too much?
  4. Do you crave alcohol so much it impacts your ability to concentrate?
  5. Has alcohol prevented you from caring for family, holding down a job or performing in school?
  6. Do you continue to drink despite problems caused with friends or family?
  7. Have you lost interest or stopped participating in activities that were once important in your life?
  8. Do you often find yourself in dangerous or harmful situations as a direct result of drinking?
  9. Do you continue to drink despite adding to another health problem, feeling depressed or anxious or blacking out?
  10. Do you find yourself drinking more as a result of a tolerance to alcohol?
  11. Do you often experience alcohol withdrawal symptoms?
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If you are questioning it at all there is probably some level of problem drinking occurring. People who don’t have any problem don’t typically have to give their drinking any thought. Or as a speaker I heard in my very early days of sobriety say “ it’s funny how you never see non-alcoholics convincing themselves they are alcoholics but alcoholics will ALWAYS try to convince ourselves we’re not”. That really hit home and made me realize how much time I spent convincing myself my problem wasn’t a problem . In my youth my free time was spent getting wasted by any means necessary but I was “ just partying and having fun”. As an adult I drank from the moment I got home until I passed out drunk . I spent my days off drinking all day paired with drugs to let me keep drinking even more but kept down playing it or justifying it because I went to work everyday, my bills were paid and my kids were fed and I DESERVED to let loose and have fun but to be honest it stopped being fun a very long time ago. A few ambulance rides to the hospital last year forced me to stop living in denial. At 7.5 months sober my only regret is I didn’t wake up and face my problems sooner.

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No need to label it or surrender or justify. You see a problem, you notice your alcohol consumption makes you feel uneasy. That’s time to stop and get sober, work on healthy outlets, coping mechanism and connections and THEN ask yourself if it feels better. Yes? Stay sober.
I used alcohol as unhealthy coping mechanism until I changed my life so there was nothing to cope with anymore besides the usual life gets lifey stuff that rarely bothered me to the extent that I wanted to escape.

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If you download a sobriety app and have to ask, then you have your answer…but in reality, there is no need to label yourself if the word alcoholic doesn’t resonate. It is enough to know you have a problematic relationship with alcohol. I drank for decades and knew I had a problem early on and kept going anyway. Tried to cut back or moderate or only drink weekends, water in between, etc etc etc…you name it, I tried it, ‘to get my drinking under control’. Haha to that. I never had a DUI or whatever yardstick we use to make ourselves feel better. I had a really serious problem tho for many years. It doesn’t get better with time, it gets worse, unless we break the cycle and begin fresh.

I have never regretted sobriety or waking hangover and regret free. I don’t live in a guilt, shame, regret cycle anymore. It is okay to get off the hamster wheel and make a new life for yourself. A life where you care about your health and self and are proud of. A life that builds you up, not tears you down.

You don’t need a label to make the change. Just take it one minute at a time. Wishing you strength.

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Thank you all for such kind and insightful responses. Knowing that I tend to break after about two weeks (triggers and urges get very heightened) and my brain in those moments goes offline, then I end up drinking 5-8 shots and start over. What would you guys suggest for help? AA, etc.? I’ve gone to AA a few times, but I can’t wrap my head around going to meetings multiple times a week for the rest of my life. I think it’s a beautiful fellowship, don’t get me wrong.

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Here’s what I did to get sober:

30 days inpatient rehab
4-5 months IOP (3 hours a day, 4 days a week)
AA 2x a day for a few months, then daily, now its 1-2 meetings a week and service work
1 hour a day on this website
sober living
therapy
1:1 counseling
medication to help with the opiate cravings

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AA meetings are extremely useful! They have in person (as u know) but also ones online. I use the free Intherooms app for those. In the beginning, it was recommended to do 90 meetings in 90 days (i actually did more than that bcuz i felt like i needed that) but as time went on and as i gained some sobriety, i didnt have to go nearly as often bcuz I used what I had learned all those years and put that into practice in my daily life. I still attend online meetings occasionally but im definitly not going 2 or 3 times a day like when i first tried getting clean and sober. I think it depends on the person and where theyre at :slight_smile: Its great that the doors are always open so that if u need more meetings, they are always there.

Outside of meetings, i come on here often and try to be of service. I also have done individual and group therapy. Addressed my mental health concerns. Have done rehab aswell. All these things have helped!

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My track record.

  • legal problems
  • financial dysfunction
  • pattern of using (was daily, could not go without for even a day)
  • relapses
  • other people saying i had an issue
  • using needles (obviously a drug problem if you’re using IV)
  • housing situations

after awhile it became blatantly obvious that i was an addict and i came to terms with that and am now happily in recovery coming up on 7 years clean :man_lifting_weights:

@God thank you so much, please keep helping me, amen.

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Maybe focus on right now versus the rest of your life. That helped me a lot in early days, weeks, months, years.

Since you know the first few weeks you get triggered, maybe keep a strong focus on attending meetings, coming here and posting and reading when feeling triggered, play the tape thru when considering shots, and really focus your attention on staying sober. It takes strength in that moment. And you build sober muscle strength the more you flex it. :flexed_biceps:

Do you have a list of why you want to be sober? A reminder of what you no longer want, or how you no longer want to feel? I found it incredibly helpful to keep a list on my phone and read it often. To remind me of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to let go of. I can share it with you if you are interested (or ck my profile, it is there).

In my experience, keeping the focus on today and what I can do today to nourish my sobriety is a lot more helpful than worrying about a vague concept like the rest of my life.

Hope this helps a bit. And I highly recommend reading Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind for a new perspective about alcohol.

Hope to see you around. :people_hugging:

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I’m back guys, been drinking on and off for a few weeks. Needless to say, I really dislike it–as the research goes, as they say, conclusion is still that it doesn’t serve me in any possible way. I’ll go a few weeks and then have a really strong urge and give in. It’s never fun at this point. I feel guilty as a father, less present, forgetful, typically an irrational argument arises with my wife, skip the gym, eat shitty food, and then stagger into the “starting over” cycle. It’s exhausting and insane. I know I’m answering my own question, but I’m not sure what needs to change for me to fully commit. I believe in the program, but also have this underlying dialogue that if I drink, I won’t die as I’ve proved over this two-year dilemma, but I also see that could be a metaphor as in “die” correlating with mental and spiritual death, which is what do feel. My wife thinks I’m fine and overthink this stuff and beat myself up for no reason, but she’s also a drinker. Too much to be a normie, but now enough to be an alcoholic by societal standards, similar to myself. I really just don’t know what the fuck I’m doing or why. Most times when I drink I end up reading a quit lit book or falling asleep to something sober-minded. Who does that? Who gets drunk and reads or listens to shit about sobriety?

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If you made it to the point where this question is even a consideration the boat sailed on the answer long ago. People lose themselves in a definition when if you know your alcohol use is out of hand. All the negative consequences you listed and a body bag await people who drink too much no matter how you ‘Define’ it

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I see myself in your story. For me, the wake-up wasn’t a huge disaster either, it was just noticing how the guilt and shame never let up. That cycle of a few days sober, then binge, then self-hate - it eats away at you slowly.

What made the difference was finally admitting I couldn’t think my way out of it. I got help through Legacy Healing Center, and for the first time I didn’t feel like I was fighting it alone. The structure, the people, the honesty - it broke the loop I’d been trapped in for years

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