Hello all,
Im happy to have found an app where hopefully i can find some support.
I moved to a new province recently in order to get away from my drug use. I left a 4 year relationship that wasnt that great to begin with but using together created so much more damage. I left my home, a puppy and all the “friends” (drug addicts) behind to get sober. Here i am, in my own apartment with my son in a new beautiful province and for the life of me i cannot get ahead inside my head. All i want is to use and i cant, once i do, its over again and i wont be able to leave this time and leave the drug. But i have to stay sober because i deserve it but most importantly because i am not willing to risk loosing my son, my only reason, for noy using this drug but gd damn. Ive never been so depressed down and out and to top it all off, the vivid dreams of using or trying to collect money to use are killing me this last week. Its taking the good out of me. I put in this happy fake face but inside im drowning
Hey, welcome Elaine! You’ve come to the right place if you’re looking for people to share this journey with. There’s pretty much always someone online, and more than that - there are tons of posts and topics to read for support.
The thread below is a great place to meet others and also post your own check-in to maintain accountability.
Keep on taking it a minute at a time. Moment by moment. It isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. 
Have you thought about reasons for yourself to stay sober? If your son didn’t exist, what would motivate you to stay sober? Because I’m sure there are many reasons that don’t involve your son. If youre a better parent sober, you’re also a better human to yourself sober. Because I often hear People say that sobriety will stick most likely if it is done for one self and I find it’s true for me too. Although your son is obviously also a good and big motivation. And in my opinion only a sober parent is the best parent
Honestly, i havent. My biggest reason right now and for the last 4 months is only my child. I guess ifs time to start considering what i want and deserve.
Hello Elaine, welcome to our community.
When I first started to get sober I wasn’t really able to spell out what my reasons for quitting were. The only thing I knew for sure was that I couldn’t stay the way it was. Over time and reading a lot about addiction and how to recover from it, it got a bit clearer. My understanding of what is possible when you don’t turn towards your drug of choice broadened by the minute. And I started wanting more of this sober life. And it’s been a blessing, truly. I recommend you read around and come here to talk to people. And step by step, you’ll get there. The daily check in is a great start, maybe also try the gratitude thread. Hope to read more of you in the coming days and weeks.
Yes to that! Of course you want (to be) the best for your child. But the only way to be sober and clean forever, is to make the choice to be so and that means to choose you. Using, being an addict, doesn’t make us happy. Using isolates us, using makes us lonely, it makes us egotistical, distracts us from what is important in life. I was actually heading for suicide when i still was in active addiction. Quitting made that disappear fast. Quitting gave me the time and headspace to start working on myself and create a better life for myself (and my kid would I have had one). But it starts with yourself.
You’ve come to a good place to find some support on your road because we’re in it together here. Each following our own path but helping and supporting each other too. Which is absolutely necessary I believe.
Welcome to Talking Sober Elaine. All success. You’re not alone. 
You are absolutely right. I let myself get lost in all the what ifs and relationship what ifs too easily. I do know that life is much more beautiful not using then when i was. I do enjoy every moment with my son, i guess its time to stop letting myself get lost in the dark side. Its funny how i changed everything to be sober yet my head space is still crawling backwards or trying too. All part of being sober i suppose. Thank you for your kind words