I, again, had my last drink on Monday night. I haven’t felt as sick as I have in a very long time on Tuesday. Today was better but had to take an antianxiety medication (very rarely do anymore), a bunch of pepto bismol and was only able to stomach half a meal. I planned all day how I would go to the liquor store for some quick sippers I can chug in a park before I came home to my partner and kids. By the grace of god, and my own experience, the drinks that were practically undetectable weren’t available as our LCBO (the liquor stores that are government controlled in Ontario) are on strike since July 12. I am still considering it for tomorrow. But I know it won’t be easy and I know I’ve made it three days, what’s another day alcohol free? I know day by day, but I’m feeling discouraged. I’ve been here before. Is this the FINAL time? Why does it have such control over me. I’m going to try the strategies I used last time to reel this in. I am also going to talk to my partner about some decisions he has to make too. A lot of our relationship has been full of alcohol and I saw myself slipping, and he said I was doing well. I can have drinks! I did it! But I realize I can’t. The drinks can’t have me. They take over. And when there are other stressors in my life, the ones I thought I was holding in so well, they come out. The traumas the resentments the hurts. It’s a big bomb.
For the first time I wrote down my list of topics to discuss with him (to prevent the inevitable emotional backlash) and wrote down that I need to set and keep my boundaries. Lastly, I wrote down the day by day goals for the next two weeks. Last time that’s how long it took to get easy. Then I will write goals for the following two weeks. Then we go from there. But today it’s one day at a time.
I hear you. One day at a time bud. Too far you get overwhelmed, it seems you have a good grasp of what goals you want to achieve and that’s so important in sobriety.
Congratulations on your 3 days Natalia. Thats a great start. I never ever want to start over again. If I started up again, there’s no guarantee I’d make it back. My partner and I drank forever. She still does. God knows I cannot control that. I can’t even control my own drinking. So I got to focus on my sobriety and what I can change in me.
I found gratitude to be my strongest tool. Everyday. Every single morning I’d start my day on the gratitude thread right here.
I got so much to be grateful for when I’m sober. My wife. My children. My cats and dog and house and home. Reading and writing gratitude on the daily has completely retrained my brain. I started waking up sober excited to post on my home thread. The gratitude thread. C’Mon over. Lights are always on. Bring your own coffee. I think we got room for 1 more. What have you got to loose?
See ya
