Diary of a Drinky Kid

Your Story
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Hi,

I’m Richard, 39, father of 4 amazing children and partner to superwoman.

Am I an alcoholic, I’d probably say no, but then an alcoholic would say that wouldn’t he! I don’t drink every day, I don’t need to drink but I do have a drink problem. I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It nearly cost me everything because I used it at inappropriate times and consumed so much sometimes I literally couldn’t recall anything that I’d done, including picking up my children in the car!

I suffer with poor mental health, depression, bi-polar and I have regular and deep suicidal thoughts sometimes. Surprisingly the alcohol didn’t help me with these either, yet at the time I was certain it was. Oh and to top off all that I have Asperger syndrome too so I don’t socialise or have many (6) friends (including my partner and 4 children).

All these combined in the last year caused me to stray from my partner of 20+ years, caused me to struggle at work and caused my life to spiral and nearly cost me my life. I said I’m the partner of superwoman, well it’s true, she stuck by my indiscretions supported me when nobody else did and despite all I had done to her she was still my rock! She has supported me and given me food for thought, empowered me to take control of my spiralling life and be the best version of me possible. I started back at the gym, lost lots of weight and started to feel good about myself again, without drink.

So why am I here, we’ll my battle continues, every minute, every hour, every day. The small decisions like not going to the corner shop on the school run etc are all battles.

Sadly I’m human and can’t win them all, so superwoman convinced me to sign up to this after I slipped.

I hope to use this as a way of reinforcing my commitment to myself and to her that alcohol will not rule my life, however I also want to help and support anyone else fighting these battles. On our own we may be weak, together we can beat anything!

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Welcome Richard!,

Recognise who you are and the problem we have is a good beginning.

I recommend, as far as you can, try to socialise. A group of alcoholics as a therapy could be an idea. You may find people like ourselves and it is a good method to avoid depressions caused for the thought about “how horrible I am”.

Encourage yourself and find motivations (four children, four motivations) and be patient: day by day, hour by hour.

Good luck!

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Thank you for your kind words.

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Welcome Richard! Thank you for such an honest introduction. I’m glad you have a superwoman by your side, and that you’ve found this special place. There are some wonderful souls here. Real people who understand the struggle.
I wish you all the best in your journey.

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Welcome and what an eloquent and well written introduction about yourself.
I hope you find this Group of help and gives you the strength and focus to maintain your sobriety going forward.
RB.

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Thank you very much. Honesty has to be the way forward, if I lie to myself about who I am then I’ll never see the light at the end of this tunnel.

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Welcome!

It is a bit unclear to me. Are you decided to stop drinking for good?

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Yes, no good can come from the mix of me and alcohol, I went 2 years sober when I was sneaking alcohol like a 13 year old that found his dads stash, thought I could moderate myself so started drinking again socially then spiralled massively last year. I’ve been sober for most of this year but have had a few slips on the way, even though it has only been a drink on 1 or 2 days then nothing for days weeks and even months I know I can’t afford to keep slipping and the next drink might be the one that takes be past the point of no return.
I scare myself with the things I do when I drink so I must stop for good before the drink stops me dead!

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I can definitely relate with a lot of your story man.

For me I needed a program of growth and accountability, today I am one year sober.

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That is awesome news, I hope and pray one year turns into one year one day and so on and so forth. You got there one day at a time and need to keep yourself focussed on that one day at a time. It’s how I got to 2 years before convincing myself I wasn’t an alcoholic I was just drinking at wrong times. Now I know how wrong I was.

My growth programme is getting back to the gym, getting back into my MMA competing (even as a veteran) it gives me something better than a bottle to focus on, I’ve had many fights in my life (competitively) but this one keeps kicking my ass, however it will never, ever keep me down and I will win eventually!

Never sought support or help before so this was perhaps my first step on the road to success!

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Stick around.

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Welcome Richard.
I’m glad I found your story. This is a great sober community to get and give support.
2 good threads I like to read.

My son has a dual diagnosis. And he’s got 6 or 7 years clean and sober now. He stays on his meds now. Goes to meetings and is living a really good life. He’s has a wonderful wife and a nice home. He’s learned the hard way. If he stays on his meds and doesn’t drink and keeps up his therapy. He can live a really good life.
I hope to see you around.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Hi,

Firstly thank you for the links, I’ll be certain to check in on them, I came here to receive support but also to offer hope, support and encouragement to anyone who needs it. Despite all my flaws I see myself as a positive person and will always offer my help.

With regards to your son and his story I can only say wow, staying clean and sober that long must have taken a lot out of him, His wife and you as his family. The fact that you are here and clearly offering support suggests to me that you have unwavering love and support for him and obvious pride in his success, which you so rightly share. It is inspiring to know others in my position have not succumbed to this beast! If there is ever any words of advice etc you can offer I will gratefully accept them and share them. If you ever need an independent someone to give an honest opinion / answer about something in relation to the mental health issues or ASD diagnosis an that I can offer an insight into please don’t hesitate to ask!

Send my best wishes to your son, I hope he has a long, happy and healthy life, he’s earned it! :heart: :muscle:t3:

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Lovin your vibe and attitude please stick around bc I think you’ve got a lot to offer the community and even more to gain. BTW in case your in any doubt yes you are an alcoholic.The good news is once we know what illness we have we can start to work on the solution.

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How are you today? :wave::wave::wave::wave::wave:🙋🙋

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Hi,

Thank you. I appreciate the honest response to my own question. Honestly, I know I’m an alcoholic, an unhealthy relationship with alcohol regardless of how much, when and where it is consumed is a problem. I’m certainly not going to get anywhere by lying to myself.

I’m glad my positivity is showing, I am a firm believer in things can always be better. My motto is “The grass is always greener where you water it” so I’m watering my grass and hoping to offer water to others too!

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I’m good thank you, woke up after a good nights sleep feeling refreshed. I’d be better if I could have stayed warm in bed but unfortunately work pay me to turn up so out in 0 degree weather it is!

Had a bit of a mental battle yesterday after work, I would normally go to a shop and buy a bottle of vodka or something when I’m struggling, decided to bypass the shop though and enjoyed sober family time.

Battle won, war still ongoing!!

How about you?

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9 days in and its not the easiest, but as a father myself our children deserve the best versions of us, not the drunk p**seed up ones

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First off, Well done! The days seem longer at the minute so can imagine the last 9 have felt like an eternity to you.

I’m under no illusions that this is going to be a huge struggle but as you say our children deserve to see the best of us, they didn’t choose us and we have to be the role models for them, they will follow our actions not our words and I certainly don’t want them to destroy themselves as clearly you don’t either!

Here for support if you ever need it! Keep smashing it!

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Much appreciated, I know what you meant when you said get a sneaky one after the school run, it’s not a good look really. But on the plus side we need to remember we have a lot of good and great things to focus on, so yeah I’ve surprised myself 9 days in nearly on the 10day milestone. I just need to be more wise about the company I keep and don’t beat myself up to much, all we can do is try.

Thanks for the message mate :+1:

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