I have hated the holiday season for a long time, mostly because of strained family relations. Now both my parents are dead. And this year is my first year sober and I’ve never even felt a depression this low. I basically can’t stop crying, even when I’m at work. I have a splitting headache cause I’m basically dehydrated from crying. My marriage is also in a really bad place and my husband is hammering me with all his resentments, essentially every mistake I’ve ever made in the past 15 years. I almost feel like I just don’t need to be here anymore. I have no family, parents are dead, no kids, and my husband basically hates me. What’s the point of any of this?
14 Likes
He Laura.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so low and shitty.
I know the Holidays are tough but that doesn’t help how you feel at all. That’s sounds like a lot of rotten stuff you are going through. And a headache too.
You know it’s a pretty big deal making it through the Holidays sober. You got that to be grateful for. It’s tough to find gratitude with a headache. I’ve tried. But there must be some other things you can find to be grateful for. Try listing ten over on our gratitude thread. Or read others.
It sounds like you had good loving parents that you miss terribly.
I use to take a lot of hot showers and cry myself out for 20-30 minutes. I’d be so exhausted and then I’d go to bed. Or cook a nice meal. Drink some water. I know it’s cliche but this too will pass. ODAAT.
Do you have a friend you can call?
I’m so sorry you have a splitting headache. It’s probably hard to concentrate on anything I’m telling you.
How bout get some water. And get a real hot shower in. Or maybe an ice pack.
9 Likes
Hi friend. This is my first Christmas without my parents too and it SUUUUUUUCKS. Every time some kind person tells me Merry Christmas I want to growl in response. But I made it. You can too.
What do you need right now and how can you get it? Chocolate? An early bedtime? A funny movie?
You are allowed anything except your drug of choice.
I’m here. Chat away. Sending a hug and a scream into a pillow.
10 Likes
Thank you for your compassion and understanding, it goes a long way. Gratitude is something I’ve been trying to work on, but lately it’s really hard.
6 Likes
Thank you for your reply. Ya it does suck, snd sorry about your parents. It’s just an incredibly lonely feeling ya know? Especially with no kids and a marriage that’s falling apart. I feel like I literally have no one.
7 Likes
I like this statement. You can go anywhere with this.
I think the point is to make a life that is tolerable as you get sober and great as you get more comfortable. Its only by getting sober that we can see what we need to work on.
When I drank, I didn’t work on anything. Sober I can see a path.
11 Likes
Dear @Laura4 here comes big hugs to you And 
from a woman who can feel with you. My mum died 2022 (pa 2010 so that’s a long time ago), I got divorced 2022 and I get the feeling of a not so loving and nice husband from our full-crap last Christmas together. IT SUCKS.
Vent away, cry away, drink a lot of water and tea, get sleep if possible, go for walks, fresh air clears the mind and calms the soul. Grieve. Loud. Silent. Expressive. And I would like to share my very personal point of view: Tell your husband to support you in grieving and recovery or to shut up and fuck off. Please forget it immediately when it’s not helpful.
One day at a time. I light a candle for your parents and put it beside the one for mine
10 Likes
Oh Laura, I really feel for you. But we made it! You know, being sober requires honesty. And that is one thread that runs through all of us. We actually have a “club” and here we were able to tell how we truly feel. The holidays just present some sort of pressure that I think is completely unhealthy. I even started a thread called December 26. And you know what it’s not just sober people. This holiday season when I would talk one on one with people and asked how they felt about it, most people confided in me that they feel a tremendous pressure and stress. You made it! We made it! And now, the days are gonna start getting longer. Assuming you live in the northern hemisphere lol. And just like pulling the pin on a compressor all that pressure is gone now.
You are not alone! And you are with friends! I will leave you with this, I live near a major shopping area. The day before Christmas Eve, I had to go drive through there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many acts of road rage, honking horns, you could feel the tension in the traffic. For what? ‘tis the season. I think Santa Claus, and all that is wonderful for the little kids, but for us, Christmas, good riddance!
7 Likes
Hi @Laura4, it been a few hours since your post. Hope you got some sleep. And feel a little better today! I’m glad you came here and share.
Please take care of yourself and please if you need help, please don’t hesitate to get it.
Sending some more hugs
5 Likes
Thank you everyone for your support. I made it through another day sober, and today is looking good in that regard as well. I appreciate all the support you have all offered, more than there are words to describe. ODAAT
9 Likes
I’m glad you made it through a bad day. Having Christmas lit in a negative light is rough. My mother-in-law unexpectedly dropped dead on xmas 3 years ago. It’s been tarnished in negativity since until yesterday. Our oldest got engaged, so now we have a better memory for the day.
I hate this for you. Our life partners are supposed to lift us up, not beat us down. Whatever the resentments are for all you can do is apologize for your part. If the resentments are still there it’s on them. Either they can forgive or they cannot but you shouldn’t have to serve a life sentence for past mistakes.
Situations change, life changes… you very much belong in this world with us. There is a happy life awaiting you. Best wishes to you.
8 Likes
I am giving you the biggest hug. I am so sorry to hear about all life is throwing at you, and the holidays have such a way of magnifyinf all that is wrong because everyone is or is supposed to be SO FUCKING JOYFUL! I hope you find some good self care things to cozy yourself up with. Crying endlessly is awful (in that it feels fucking awful) but good for you getting it out; you need to.
I wish I had something to give around your relationship with your husband; relationships can be so challenging especially whsn resentment is involved. My hope for you is that this relationship offers you love and compassion, kindness and grace; and if it does not I hope you find your strength to choose your own health and happiness. You are worth it, you are worth love, forgivness, compassion and kindness, and it js no ones positions to hold shame or blame over us indefinitly. I am wishing you peace on this day, and hope to see you around xo.
8 Likes
@Laura4 how are you?
1 Like
We made it! How are you?
I’m praying for you. I hope you’re safe & sober.
Hi everyone. Sorry to not reply or give an update for some time. I am doing much better, as is my relationship with my spouse. I’ve been sober almost 9 months, and I think things boiled over for him that he had been bottling up. We had a 3 hour counselling session, then more fighting, then finally some understanding. Unfortunately this all happened right over the holidays which is a difficult time for me already, and that left me in a pretty dark place. But things are better, and miraculously I stayed sober through it all. Thank you all so much for your support, it really helped me through.
4 Likes