It’s 12:14pm here. And normally I would have already been on reaching out, talking, venting and asking questions. Anything to get through the other day sober. But I’ve felt very ashamed to come on today because of what almost happened last night.
I got up around 4:30 in the morning half asleep in a night sweat not really knowing where I was or what I was even doing. I would think I went to use the bathroom first and then I found myself with a bottle in my hand. I am mediately jolted awake, realizing that I had almost used, not even completely coherent enough to even know that’s what I was about to do. It scared me so bad that I threw the bottle across the room. I crawled up in a ball on the floor crying with shock and panic.
I’m so ashamed of myself for almost using. And not even having control while I’m asleep. All I can do is cry today. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Will this happen again to me?
Can u get rid of anything thats in the house Niz? Please never feel ashamed to come here and talk no matter what happens, we are here to help not judge, love and hugs xx
I got ride of everything after laying there in a ball crying my heart out. I cleaned up the mess that was everywhere and everything is in the trash. I never thought anything like that could happen. It was so scary. It was like something else was controlling my body. I’m terrified of anything else like that happening again. I know I didn’t use but I’m left feeling like I did, that shame because I came so close when I wasn’t even fully awake to know what I was doing, it’s terrifying. @Dazercat@Starlight14
You didnt use and were in a dream state theres really no need to feel guilty…you should be feeling extremely proud of yourself you really are doing amazing, please try and give yourself some grace and compassion here…youve got to be your best friend through this to give yourself the best chance to get through this time…think how youd treat someone you care about going through the same thing and give yourself that kindness xx
I will try to be kinder to myself. I guess it’s a hard thing to unlearn. Society teaches us that we are no better than the lowest of the low because of our addictions, so I guess that’s why it’s so easy to hate myself during this process because i know how it makes you feel.
Turn that around, you have a disease…the disease of addiction…the only people in society that look down upon people like us are those that dont understand addiction, those same people wouldnt look down upon someone with any other physical illness well i think addiction is the same, you are allowed to be kind to yourself infact its very important to be especially now
You should be happy with yourself you are doing amazingly, you are stronger than you realise, keep going but be kind to yourself…we on here all know how hard these early days are xx
You are doing an amazing job - and - you Are as strong as anybody on here, as you have proven last night and today. Hopefully you give yourself a hug and look forward to celebrating double digits tomorrow.
@Niz u have every right and reason to shake off that shame & replace it with pride - you came so close you could have easily caved! but look you came to your senses before it was too late and saved yourself! the amount of strength & determination that took is actually astonishing. and look, all the tears you’ve been weeping, is everything you’ve bottled up inside for so long. let it out! you will soon see what is behind all that pain & shame & rage. it’s so beautiful, you are beautiful. you will soon see. keep doing what you’re doing, we are so proud of you.
It’s a great daily check in a lot of us use to stay accountable, get and give support. Instead of starting a new thread each time, you could just post how your feeling or if you have questions like the one about. It’s such a great thread for support and you can get to know people and see some other struggles that we all go through. And we love to celebrate milestones. Congratulations on your 9 days
Whatever makes you feel comfortable though.
I’m glad you found us.
I think you are extremely brave for opening up. In doing so you’ve helped me. There have been times when my S.O.’s mouthwash looked like a plan; very seriously, I want to tell you that you are not alone and that I understand your pain. You shared and took power away from the disease. I understand the shame, but you just slapped your disease in the face. In my humble opinion, you did a good job. Despite your having to clean up glass shards and the severe emotional pain you experienced, you did well by yourself. You didn’t take the first drink. Bravo or Brava.
You did amazingly well that last night @Niz
It must have been a shock but you can be proud of yourself for handling it the way you did. Nothing to be ashamed of at all!!!
Like @Dazercat mentioned above, the checking in daily thread is an amazing tool to stay in touch with helpful and caring people out here. It helps keeping you accountable and staying focused. You can reach out literally all day and night. There will always be someone around to listen and support as there are people from all over the world here sharing and willing to help.
It’s great having you here Niz!!!
There are many things society doesn’t value that are actually priceless. Think about yourself in the way that you would think about a beloved friend. Would you treat that friend how you treat yourself? Would you talk about them in the way you talk about yourself?
You are just as deserving of kindness and compassion as anyone else.
No major life change is ever easy. You are doing far better than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there.
I second @Dazercat 's recommendation of the daily check in thread.
