Hi, just wanted to share my story as I’m brilliant at internal monologue but not so great at discussing things with family/friends.
I’ve been looking for an excuse to have a go at completely giving up the booze for the last couple of years. I found it last Friday, and I feel relief but also quite apprehensive.
I don’t want to bore anyone and I’m probably writing this more for my own benefit.
After 30 years of drinking (20 of them being daily) I realised that it’s a real problem, not in the sense that I’m a bad drunk or that I need a drink in the morning, but in how much it’s a part of my life.
Always had an excuse to have a drink, not that I ever needed an excuse but it was sort of my way of justifying it to myself. Good day at work, bad day at work, easy day tomorrow, busy day tomorrow, whatever, it always resulted in me rewarding myself with a bottle of wine, even if I didn’t get in from work til 10pm and had to be up at 6am the following morning.
Lads nights out would always result in not remembering what I did, guilt, shame, apprehension.
So a couple of years ago, I had a 3 month break, never thought I could do it and it was hard but I felt fantastic. I wanted to break the cycle of drinking every night and it worked. I’d only have drinks at the weekend after that.
Fast forward a few months and I’d occasionally slip into having a drink on a Thursday or sometimes on a Wednesday which then triggered the response ‘well you had a drink last night, so may aswell have another tonight, it’s nearly Friday’.
As soon as I realised I’d slipped back into my old ways I decided that I need another break or I need to seriously consider knocking it on the head completely. Quit for a month, stuck to weekend drinking, then over the summer I slipped back into drinking whenever and this was one of the main things that made me decide to quit completley.
Had a nice afternoon with wife and kids in the garden, opened the bar about 3pm because why not? Had a lovely evening with nice food, good company and far too much booze. Went to stand up at 11pm when kids were tired and nearly fell over and realised I couldn’t speak. So embarrassed to be in that state around my boys.
So I knocked it on the head again, started drinking again beginning of November, went out last Friday on a Xmas all dayer, woke up Saturday morning with typical feelings of guilt, shame and not remembering any of the night. That was the final confirmation I needed to quit.
So, only 5 days in but this is the first time I’ve decided to quit completely instead of it just being a break, and I feel really positive about it.
I’m quite private when it comes to my own thoughts but I did muster up the balls to tell my wife and she’s fully supportive but I wanted somewhere to be able to let things off my chest, listen to other people’s journeys and be open and honest. I’m not one to sit in a self help group or discuss my issues with others, but hiding behind an avatar on a forum I’m hoping will help me to talk.
I know I’m not unique in deciding to quit and we’re all struggling in our own way, so thanks to the forum and to all the people on here.