My story, sorry for blabbing on

Your Story
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Hi, just wanted to share my story as I’m brilliant at internal monologue but not so great at discussing things with family/friends.

I’ve been looking for an excuse to have a go at completely giving up the booze for the last couple of years. I found it last Friday, and I feel relief but also quite apprehensive.

I don’t want to bore anyone and I’m probably writing this more for my own benefit.

After 30 years of drinking (20 of them being daily) I realised that it’s a real problem, not in the sense that I’m a bad drunk or that I need a drink in the morning, but in how much it’s a part of my life.

Always had an excuse to have a drink, not that I ever needed an excuse but it was sort of my way of justifying it to myself. Good day at work, bad day at work, easy day tomorrow, busy day tomorrow, whatever, it always resulted in me rewarding myself with a bottle of wine, even if I didn’t get in from work til 10pm and had to be up at 6am the following morning.
Lads nights out would always result in not remembering what I did, guilt, shame, apprehension.

So a couple of years ago, I had a 3 month break, never thought I could do it and it was hard but I felt fantastic. I wanted to break the cycle of drinking every night and it worked. I’d only have drinks at the weekend after that.

Fast forward a few months and I’d occasionally slip into having a drink on a Thursday or sometimes on a Wednesday which then triggered the response ‘well you had a drink last night, so may aswell have another tonight, it’s nearly Friday’.

As soon as I realised I’d slipped back into my old ways I decided that I need another break or I need to seriously consider knocking it on the head completely. Quit for a month, stuck to weekend drinking, then over the summer I slipped back into drinking whenever and this was one of the main things that made me decide to quit completley.
Had a nice afternoon with wife and kids in the garden, opened the bar about 3pm because why not? Had a lovely evening with nice food, good company and far too much booze. Went to stand up at 11pm when kids were tired and nearly fell over and realised I couldn’t speak. So embarrassed to be in that state around my boys.

So I knocked it on the head again, started drinking again beginning of November, went out last Friday on a Xmas all dayer, woke up Saturday morning with typical feelings of guilt, shame and not remembering any of the night. That was the final confirmation I needed to quit.

So, only 5 days in but this is the first time I’ve decided to quit completely instead of it just being a break, and I feel really positive about it.

I’m quite private when it comes to my own thoughts but I did muster up the balls to tell my wife and she’s fully supportive but I wanted somewhere to be able to let things off my chest, listen to other people’s journeys and be open and honest. I’m not one to sit in a self help group or discuss my issues with others, but hiding behind an avatar on a forum I’m hoping will help me to talk.

I know I’m not unique in deciding to quit and we’re all struggling in our own way, so thanks to the forum and to all the people on here.

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Thanks for sharing! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Welcome to the forum. I hope this community will be useful for you as you work toward your sobriety goals.

I would invite you to read around the forum, and make use of the search feature as well, since there are a lot of stories that people have shared over the years of which you may find to be useful. There are a lot of resources that have been shared as well.

You seem to have found out that occasional drinking won’t work for you. Having this knowledge through experience will be a valuable thing to mentally reference as you continue on.

I am also a pretty private person. I have tried a variety of “openness levels” on this forum over the years to figure out what is useful for me. I’m aware that some amount of sharing is good because it allows others to reach out to me as I reach out to them. I hope you will jump in to some of the threads (whether they are on alcohol or something beguine like pets) and test the waters. I very much believe that these ‘non-addiction’ threads are vital to building a sense of community where people can feel more comfortable sharing.

There is a daily check in thread that many people find to be useful in keeping themselves ‘on track’ that I would recommend if it interests you.

Again, welcome, and I wish you the best.

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Its healthy to share one’s story where you are comfortable doing so. You have made a great decision.

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Welcome, @LeoLeo ! So much of what you said resonated with me. Glad you are here. TS has been so helpful to me for many of the reasons you’ve mentioned. Hope you find this place helpful as well.

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Welcome! This place is fantastic!! I’ve been here for nearly 5 years and it’s my only sober support. There’s always someone around 24/7, which I found very helpful in the earlier stages when sleep just wouldn’t come. It’s nice to meet you, look forward to seeing you around :smiling_face::pray:t2:

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We are here for you, welcome to the forum. Lots of help and support on here. :handshake:

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Excellent share!
Sounds to me that you will be successful in your sobriety journey.
The mind is the most powerful tool you have. Once it’s made the decision just go with it. :grin:
You got this!

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Thanks for sharing. I can relate to a lot in your story, the sliding back into drinking, the drinking for celebration, commiseration, or just to jazz up a day that was neither. I have only really opened up with other alcoholics and addicts. I feel more understood.

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@LeoLeo
Congratulations to you for your days sober. And for feeling positive about it.

To me, the aberration is people who want to drink every day not the people who don’t.
Even though most of the people I’m around do drink.

On the forum, I see so many people who feel like something is wrong with them because they feel like they want to stop drinking or they should stop drinking.

I think yay and bravo to everyone who wants to stop.

It’s so normalized in much of the world when it does so much damage.

Plus, to me, why would anyone want to stumble around and not remember any of it?

I did drink every day for a long time and then I quit and the urge was gone and my new normal was as a non drinker instead of a drinker.

It’s what I wanted for me. I wanted to be as “with it “ as I could 100% of the time.

Everyone needs a “why” and that was my why.

Your list of “why” includes not being like you were in front of your children.

Once you’ve gotten away from it you will see like you did before that you will ( hopefully) feel fantastic and embrace yourself the non drinker and wonder why in the world did you do that. And aren’t you glad you’re done with it.

Addiction keeps you there. Habit.
And also, I think that people have a clingy(ness) to drinking and think that they can’t get away from it when really, they can.

Lots of support here.

Lots of other’s stories that although are not the same as yours , will have similarities.

Checking in will help you be accountable, have support, and help you get back on track should you get off.

Welcome to TS !!

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I completely relate to these feelings and the decision behind wanting to stop; I also was “fine” - but it was clear to my family that the lie was something I told myself.

It’s so refreshing to not have to live in fear of your poor choices, or wake up ashamed! Welcome to the community and the best choice you’ve made for yourself!!

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Wow!! Thanks so much for all the replies.
Up until a couple of years ago I couldn’t think of anything worse than giving up the drink. I know a handful of people who have, and my tiny brain just couldn’t comprehend it. Literally one of the worst things I could imagine in life.
Whether it’s an age thing or just finally being able to accept that it is a problem, I don’t know. But the biggest change for me is that I want to give up.
Reading through some of the posts on this forum is very humbling and I’m just so pleased I’m here.
Thanks again for the replies.

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Welcome! Quitting alcohol will probably be one of the best decisions you made in your life, just as this can be one of the most pleasant places you’ll often want to visit. As often as it suits you, obviously.
For me, being sober, not feeling the shame, the guilt, the anxiety etc. is rewarding in itself. I haven’t noticed much (if any) physical changes, probably because my binge drinking didn’t last THAT long as to leave “visible” marks on my health, but, although I still tend to worry about all the things that might happen or a couple of kilograms that I have to shred etc., my mind is more focused, free and, even if I don’t get out of the house for a day or two, those days are still spent in a meaningful way. Not to mention that I can get angry with my son :slight_smile: without having to think later whether my reaction was worse because of the booze or not.

So, welcome (again) and thank you for sharing your story!

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Welcome new friend :slight_smile:

I so appreciate you sharing your story. I love internal monolguing also and so glad you decided to share here. I hope you find the community welcoming & most of all that you find some folks you can relate too. Sorry I am just waking up and my words arent coming all that great at the moment (need coffee first :slight_smile: but saw this and wanted to respond! Xo.

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I did the same thing too before I realized it wasn’t working well. Had an excuse to drink. It’s the weekend or I’m off tomorrow. Just one shot. Well 2 won’t hurt…then before I knew it I woke up with a hangover. Im 152 days sober. Had to reset my clock. Relapse and drank 2 nights in a row. But this time when I put the bottle down I decided to quit smoking weed as well. After my husbands suicide attempt a year ago, I smoked all day long just to numb the pain. Yes, my excuse. Then one day I couldn’t get weed. We were in Cali and the nearest pot shop was too far and was closing soon. I wouldn’t make it so I decided to grab a few shots. I did this for 2 nights and I felt so bad. Like I was a failure. So I decided to quit everything.

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