I am a 63 year old man who has drank heavily and consistently fo 50 years? As I move to retirement alchol has become more of an issue. Over the last year I have been drinking maybe 14 units (8 pints) of beer a day. Whilst still functioning I have ended up overweight, low energy, angry and depresessed. I decided that enough was enough and stopped drinking 45 days ago. I am addressing exersice and diet as well. Early days but so far I have found the giving up of alcohol quite easy with no cravings, Just a bit of tiredness and sleep disruption.
I know that moderation will not work for me so a permanent stop is necessary.The issue I am struggling with is that all our social life revolves around alcohol. All of our friends are heavy drinkers. I do not want to label myself publically as an alcoholic, in honesty I do not know if I am or not. My issues are not extreme but are diminishing my quality of life considerably. Maybe I am kidding myself. I have told people that I have decided to lose weight and therefore not drinking. This has resulted in a lot of peer pressure to make exceptions - “its a party have a drink”, “a few beers watching the rugby will not hurt you”- even from my wife.
I can resist these comments but need help to figure out a sustainable long term plan. Do I bite the bullet and announce that I am an alcholic? Do I avoid the situations and people revolving around heavy drinking?Do I say nothing except that I am losing weight and later that I have decided to continue with abstinace because I feel better?
You want a life without the effects of alcohol. You have every right to that. “I don’t want to. I don’t like it.” is a valid answer. People change. You can change a habit. And you have every right to tell people to stop pestering you.
Weather you want spend your time with drunk people is a very different question. I find them boring, obnoxious and generally unpleasant. I’d choose to spend my time otherwise.
I am in somewhat similar situation in as much as that being sober at home is not a super struggle anymore. I got a bit nervous about going out though. I decided now that people truly interested in my company give a crap whether I drink or not. We meet to talk, laugh, watch a game, not to get wasted. They actually should even think it is a good idea not to drink.
My wife also told me that she does not mind me having a beer. Problem is that it never is only one. I now started to slowly tell her that I do not feel like drinking anymore. And that obviously is not an issue for her.
Quality of life is MUCH better when sober!
Hi Steve and welcome to the forum and group that helped me the most.
I was much much the same as you and am now at 284 days sober.
Whether you wish the self prescribed label of “alcoholic “ or not is your choice, but you are here and you know you have an issue with it, so I found at that stage to accept that I do have an issue.
I too was over weight and beginning to have medical issues. I stayed low key for months starting with sober January, and just continued. I took months to stay focused on me, exercise, eating healthy and avoiding situations that involved drinking.
After about month 4-5 I began back into meeting folks, and dipped my toe in dinner with friends, then concerts then some travel and it flowed well. I became completely transparent around month 4 that I was abstaining from all alcohol (drugs also though I never really did them to any degree), and while there were a few instances of folks trying to get me to imbibe, I stood resolute and pushed back harder to those that would see me fail.
Many friends have now tried quitting here and there and or slow down considerably and have noted that I helped them with my positive outlook, weight loss and vastly improved health and fitness.
Trust me, this is a battle for you and you deserve it. Imagine waking each day to beautiful sunrises and never feeling the effects of hangovers. Getting more done than you ever have and not even breaking a sweat. Reading more, bed earlier, better conversation and relationships and never worrying about apologies for your behaviour…
I wish you the best sir and hope you find your way to what I believe is just an amazing life.
I simply tell people “I don’t drink anymore”. Those close to me already know it became an issue and that I go to AA. But others, like coworkers don’t need to know details. I have noticed it makes some uncomfortable but that’s probably because they’re questioning their own drinking habits. I’m still that same fun person I was before, just without alcohol. The only difference now is that I leave early. I have no tolerance for drunks.
Telling people I no longer drink is like telling them I no longer eat sweets. I’m getting up there in age and quality of life and health is more important than what other people think.
Welcome and congratulations on 45 days. If you really want a plan and advice to stay sober this is the place to be. Have you considered AA or any other recovery programs? Keep an OPEN MIND and grasp all the resources available to you.
Welcome Steve.
I got on the app and got sober right before my 60th birthday after drinking for 45 years. This is a great place for support.
I like to start my day on the gratitude thread.
It’s my strongest tool.
I got family in town so quite busy with my granddaughter this week.
Have a good read around join in when you’re comfortable.
It’s never too late to not pick up that first drink. That’s the only one that matters.
Fat drunk and hungover was not how I wanted to enter my bronze years.
It’s pretty rough at the beginning. And hard work. Keep an open mind and check in a lot.
Be happy to help when I’m around.
I got a soft spot for us old geeks
My top reply is, I feel better when I don’t drink. Early on, I told people I’m changing my relationship to alcohol and then changed the subject. Your friends will get used to you not drinking, and it will become a nonissue. I’ve never had anyone try to talk me into drinking, but my answer would be, oh, you can have my drink. Mostly, I don’t discuss my sobriety.
Thanks, Lisa97. (Telling people I no longer drink is like telling them I no longer eat sweets. I’m getting up there in age and quality of life and health is more important than what other people think.)
Thanks for all the replies. Very supportive. I have been reading a lot on the subject. I am starting to realise that the drinking is just a symptom of something being wrong. Now got to figure out the root cause.
I know this seems obvious, but I’m a big believer in therapy. There’s a lot of help out there if you search for it. Twelve-step programs have a long track record of helping people.
I was/am in the exact same boat, I could have written your post. I am in my third attempt at quitting an 8-10 beer per day habit. It is not easy, but you can do it; I am currently 9 months sober. One thing that was helpful was reading Alcohol Explained, I highly recommend it. I was experiencing issues related to my sleep, dreams and some health issues and reading the book was eye opening as each issue I was having was discussed and explained. When I experience cravings, I look back at how I was feeling and experiencing when I was drinking, and it helps me realize I do not want to go back to the way it was.
Regarding relationships, this is a tough one. My social life has diminished as it is no longer fun to hang with my friends as they consume to intoxication. I did not sugarcoat my sobriety with my friends, I took advice from Alcohol Explained and say it flat out, “I don’t drink anymore.” No excuses, if they really want to get into it I might say it is for my overall healthy or tell them I can’t see myself drinking like I do in to my 70’s, 80’s. All I can say is keep going, don’t give up. You will be better off in the end.
On weight, stopped/reduce all ultra-processed food and added sugar, eat whole food with no added ingredients. This may sound daunting, but you will see the weight drop of fast. Processed food/snacks are loaded with stuff that make them ultra palatable and easy to over consume. Consider going low carb in your diet. Best wishes in your journey.
Thank. I am following a low carb diet and have lost 20 pounds - a lot of it just fluid I know but it is a start.
I have read Alan Carr’s Easy Way book and just started Naked Mind. I will read Alcohol Explained next. Strangely I have had no cravings yet at 41 days sober. I went to dinner with friends last weekend and watched them drink heavily with no desire to join in. Still early days though.
I am convinced that the challenge for me is more mental than physical. I would be interested in hearing views on my mindset and motivational self talk . I believe that on the rugby pitch, sailing, business and other ventures I have always had an inner, stubborn self belief that I am capable of achieving anything I put my mind to. That had largely gone with increasing alcohol use and self blame.
I am trying to tap into that again. A challenge to myself that I am still the man I used to be. That is why I went to the dinner that I knew would test me. My instinct is that I need to accept the consequences of my choices, pull my socks up and sort myself out. If that is hard and painful, that is my fault and I need to suck it up. Not conventional and maybe setting myself up to fail but maybe the right approach for my personality now that I have regained some clarity.
I’ve got solid advice for you - because I am in a very close situation -
Here it is. At 52 I realized drinking was overtaking me; Yes gained a lot of weight, did not feel I could quit on my own and for me personally it was affecting other parts of my life. Now that being said, all of my ‘outings’ vacation, trips, activities etc. always involved drinking - including my job! All activities with my job (I am in sales) involved drinking - dinners, happy hr’s etc etc.
Here is the reality my friend. It is your choice. Not anyone else’s.
No one can physically “make” you drink. You either choose to quit, for YOU, or you don’t.
I chose to quit because I knew it was a dead end road for myself.
That said - I feel for your struggle; My biggest fears were exactly what you described - so I hit them head on. I went on vacations / activities without drinking (luckily my wife quit also and that REALLY helped)…For work, I still went to happy hrs / dinners /etc. - and didn’t drink. I was known as the drinker party guy, so what gives? I said I’ve quit for my health, and left it at that.
Maybe a little pressure at first, but stay strong and true to yourself. I’m 2 hrs sober now and no one says anything - they all know I dont’ drink and don’t try to pressure me anymore.
Do it for YOU not for them. If they are real friends they will understand and respect your boundaries.
Dont’ want to say your’e an alcoholic? Just do what I do - say its for your health, or “health issues”
Quick update. 66 days sober now. I have been following my normal way of life and not shied away from social situations involving excessive drinking. That has been ok with no desire to join in. Lost about 30lb in weight with a healthy diet. Not yet started exercise programme.
However, I am in danger of getting over complacent. Sneaky little voice in my head that says “ you have control, try drinking in moderation and life will be less boring”.
My logical brain knows where that leads to and is winning the battle at the moment but I need to be vigilant. Strange that I feel more temptation after 2 months sober than I did in the first week. I guess we are all different.
This is a very common problem. You haven’t experienced any ‘negative’ effects of your drinking in about two months - no hangovers, etc.
So the addicted part of your mind tries to use this as leverage to get you to drink.
What helps me is not to engage with these thoughts in any kind of debate. Just acknowledge they are there, reconfirm your commitment to sobriety by being very serious about drinking not ever being an option, and move on with your life.
I also would suggest to consider what recovery related activities you could add or rediscover for yourself: reading sober lit, listening to recovery podcasts, joining a meeting, being active here on TS (daily checkins or gratitude posts), etc.
Sobriety like every commitment needs regular re-commitment activities.
