The big 6-3
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Day 12 night 13
So I was struggling last night. I did stop at a store, I did buy a six pack, I did not drink it. Itās just there in our mini fridge. I donāt want to get drunk. I do miss the taste of beer, getting drunk isnāt an option.
The six pack just being there, is kinda like a security blanket, is the best way I can describe it. Like itās there, I donāt need to drink it, but itās there. In a weird way it curbs the urge. I did the same thing with narcotics after I kicked the big H, and walked away from the drug scene. I donāt need it because I have it.
The last night I drank, the beers hit hard. I also fell off the bed, and hit the wall pretty hard. I donāt want to be like that. My boyfriend doesnāt need to go through that, I donāt need to go through that.
Today has been easier. Thought crossed my mind to possibly have one earlier, especially after the BF brought up how he isnāt against me drinking, just doesnāt want me to get ruined. I decided against it. Doesnāt have its place in my life right now. Will I always be alcohol free, I donāt know, today I am though.
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That would not work for me. I was required to live in an alcohol-free environment for 3 years when I first got sober. And that was my security blanket - have booze in the house and go to jail or keep it out and keep myself out. Very simple math for me.
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Youāre doing grate Stacy. Especially reaching out like this. There is absolutely no good reason for you to have that beer in the mini fridge. This is your addict brain working you over.
Iāve read many stories on here about people relapsing. The stories that baffle me the most and itās consistent is that the relapse starts before the drinking starts. It took me awhile to understand that. But Iāve heard it many times.
You reaching out like this is HUGE!
I just saw what you wrote on the check in thread; āyou have many good reasons not to drink.ā
May I suggest taking those reasons over to the gratitude thread and list them. Write it out. And read others. I canāt tell you enough how powerful gratitude is for me and how it retrained my brain and helps me live in the today.
I saw you on the Meme Thread too tonight. Thatās great. Google meme therapy for addicts. New York Times. Google the benefits of gratitude vs anxiety. Do anything but drink.
The first few weeks, hell months. Were hard for me. But I reached out. Youāre reaching out.
Thatās awesome!
But dump out the beer!
We got your back.
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I kinda get what your saying. But have to agree with others, its risky. Theres drink in my house and has been since I quit. Only came close once to drinking it. I donāt even think about it now. If I had my time again I would get rid of it.
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My husband drinks daily so we have beer, plenty of it in cupboard, fridges, upstairs in his office mini-barā¦ all over and I am ok with that. Never had a temptation to even touch it.
My drink is red wine. I would be playing with fire if I thought I could keep a bottle of red wine in the house and not touch it after a few days. I see relapse in phases.
- Thinking about buying it
- Buying it
- Looking at it and coming back to it over and over while I pat myself on the back for not drinking it
- Drinking it.
It might even take a month but I will get to phase 4 eventually.
I do understand what you are saying though. I stopped smoking with a packet of cigarettes in my handbag for over a year. Having them made it a choice and in some weird way that helped. Iām not sure I can take that risk with sobriety though. That beast has beaten me nearly to death.
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14 days without weed, 13 days AF. I feel like shit today. I have terrible weed cravings and I really hate my two friends who are encouraging me to smoke and drink. I just wanna cut them out of my life but Iām too scared. They messes my head, Iām now full of fear and doubt and the demon is whispering in my ear ācome on, you can smoke one spliffā. But no, I canāt smoke just one joint, I have to smoke for days after I start, so no weed for me. Iām gonna drink some coffee and go for a walk if that would help. Fuck, I really hate my life and myself right now. I wanna just cry and go under a blanket and not be in contact to anyone.
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So excited to be closing in on 1 year! Have tried to achieve this milestone on so many occasions and at times thought it would never be possible. Less than a month to go!
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@StacyAnn as others have saidā¦relapse starts before the actual relapse. I have plenty of alcohol in the house and garage. For me- I had to put it in high cupboards and in the garage fridge so I didnāt see it daily. I got a minu fridge for myself to fill with la croix and ginger beer. No way in the early days was I going to keep looking at it daily and not touch it. When you tried it with H, it wasnāt in a place you frequently went to - Iām guessing. Having in a fridge that you would open often is a frequent reminder. Coming up to 2 weeks 
. Keep kicking ass and pushing forward. When you BF says he doesnāt mind you drinking but wants it contained - he doesnāt realize we donāt have an off switch and can go 0-60 in a heartbeat. Best not to test it and stay sober 
@MrMoustache it is harder when your family/ friends are pushing you to use / drink / smoke ā¦they are not in your corner and will only be happy if you are miserable at their level. It does hurt and sucks to cut people out but Iāve found that by doing so Iām giving my sobriety a chance. You have to look out for yourself here. Keep showing up for yourself David 
@Spidey thatās a beautiful numberā¦ super excited to be celebrating your 1 year with you soon 
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Triple 3ās here. 333 days sober. Feeling great.
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Excellent work
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@JazzyS itās in the beer fridge which I havenāt been going in, we donāt keep any any in thr main fridge because of the kids.
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@Dazercat thereās always beer in the house, BF consistently has a 30rk in the mini fridge. Iāll jump over to the meme thread in a bit, I have a ton of memes. I have confidence in not drinking. Iām appreciating how I can maintain difficult conversations, especially when brought up when the BF is drinking and staying on subject, and having that clear head. Seeing him in a drunk state sucks, he kept circling back to the same conversation last night, same question, like I hadnāt already given an answer. I was like okay heās drunk drunkā¦ Breathe, and utilize WAITā¦ no arguments were had but seeing his range if emotions, while Iām sober, and knowing that if I was drinking too it wouldāve been a complete shit show, Iām pretty good with being sober.
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888 days no booze
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That is awesome work to 10+ months keep stacking up the daysā¦ look forward to celebrating your 1 year soberversary with you soon
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Thanks Friend 
.
That sounds nice, especially the money part haha. Good way to start the year.
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375ā¦Three years and 75 days.
Thatāll be three dollars and 75 cents, please!
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Congratulations!
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Day 7.
I had the flu for the last five days, which had the advantage of being able to dominate the withdrawal somewhat. Now I feel my strength coming back. I remember the madness that ended on the night of January 3rd. Iām not going down that path again.
Iām so curious to see what life holds outside of this can.
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