Hello everyone my name is Anna and I have been sober for almost 60 days. My DOC was fentanyl and crystal meth. This is literally like the millionth time I have tried to get sober but this time feels different because I made the choice myself to walk away and in the process learned to love myself. However I am finding myself getting bored all the time and I know boredom leads to not the most responsible decision making . Also when I decided to get sober I had to leave my partner behind in active addiction and now i am starting to feel guilty. I feel like I should of maybe stayed around and tried to fix both of us and not to have been so selfish. I have begged him almost once a week since i left to get into detox and he has lied to me and told me he was on his way and than disappeared for two or three days without notice . I am confused I know codependency is also a addiction and not being ok with being lonely is like setting yourself up for failure. Me and my ex also have 6 beautiful daughters together so I am trying to think about them when I get those cravings or doubts that I can’t do this.
Is it normal to be jealous that I am here and he is there. I mean I know my life is so much more sunny than his but I can’t not resent him because he gets to do whatever he wants . Surrounds himself with people all the time and I am up north living with my dad and not able to drive so again I am very much alone . I am excited that my girls are coming up this weekend to spend Easter with me .
Also is it just me or is being sober so much harder when you also have to do it during a break up . I cry myself to sleeps almost every night asking my higher power why he doesn’t love me enough to get help ? Why am i not enough . I know I should know better and can’t over think his actions he is in active addiction but should that be a excuse for all the lying and hurt he has cased me . PleAse share your journeys and opinions how I can make things not easier for me but maybe not so negative…
Welcome to the forum Anna! This is a great place for support, for knowledge, for being together with people who know what’s going on. I hope it can be of as much help as it has been to me in my clean and sober journey.
You do this for yourself first and foremost. I’m sorry your ex isn’t on the same road with you right now. All you can do is lead by example though. Thoughts of jealousy are logical but it’s only addiction speaking with its double tongue.
For me the most important lesson by far I’ve learned since becoming sober is that I can’t do it alone. That starts with that I can’t stay sober alone. But in the end it goes for everything in my life. We need to do it together. One day at a time. For me this place has given me this sense of togetherness. Maybe you can find it here too, but know that wherever you find it it is a first prerequisite to stay clean. Wishing you all success Anna. And welcome again. Together we can do this.
Welcome Anna. Huge congratulations on your 60 days clean and or sober. That is an awesome accomplishment. This is a great sober community with lots of wonderful people from all over just trying to not pick up that first drink or doc. Have a good read around. Join in when your willing.
Here are 2 great threads threads I like to read.
Hi Anna, my choice is Fetty. I’m 9 days and 10 hours on. I quit cold turkey for the second time. The first time I had 4 years, my daughter was taken from me even though I was able to prove I was clean for those 4 years. No MAT. The day they tooky rights I relapsed and I’ve been running since but I don’t want this life anymore. I have beauty plans with my boyfriend. He used Fetty and doses at the clinic he is going through the second withdrawal right now cold turkey also. I’m glad to meet you! That was the shortest version I could give but there is so much more!
Hi Anna! My name is Brittany! I’m 1 month abs 20 days off of fentanyl and herion after 6 years! It’s definitely been hard! I was fortunate enough that my boyfriend and I decided to quit together but it’s been hard!! We lost just about everything because of it. We now live in a small trailer with our two dogs in my parents backyard. I’m here to talk if you ever need anyone! To be honest what has helped me is talk to my friends that I had before this addiction and just getting good quality time with them! I also picked up an adult coloring book to help keep my mind off of the addiction! You’re doing amazing and the thing is you can only help yourself! You can’t make someone get clean if they aren’t ready, I hope he turns that corner soon for you and your family! You are strong, beautiful, smart, and kind!
Hi Anna, it’s good to have you here. And congratulations on your 60 days. That’s not nothing and you’ve made some big steps. I have been with my ex for 6 years in active use. It was very hard to break up as one of us stopped using. I thought I would grow old with him. But unfortunately it turned out differently. Because you and I know life. You can beg him 100 times to stop but it has to come from within himself or it won’t work. It may sound difficult, but it’s time to think about yourself and the people who may or may not belong in your life. Users are not included. At least not in my life because they are triggers. Other times when I was clean I still hung out with them and I relapsed every time. Now I have few friends. But it’s okay, the good people will come my way. Take care of a good, different interpretation in your life. Something you like! We’ve already lost so much time. Time to recover and make it possible to enjoy the beautiful, normal things.
