Hey everyone. I am really struggling right now. I am so thankful for my sobriety and I do not regret it one bit. But one thing that I can not seem to get past is the need for isolation. My social battery runs out in a matter of minutes of being around people. Even just leaving the house at all drains me. I have no idea how to connect with people, a lot of times the thought of having a conversation with some people just absolutely wears me out. I don’t know how to make friends as an adult?? And honestly the way things ended up with the last person I really thought was my best friend, just kinda makes me not even want to get close to anyone again. I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, but I never once lost hope for something better or just felt so turned off by the thought of letting someone get close to me. I just feel really so alone, like I don’t have any kids, I only have 2 actual family members still alive and we’ve just never had that closeness like other families, I couldn’t tell you the last time I hung out with anyone, my current relationship is honestly not healthy but I don’t know how to get out of this mess. In a way I feel proud thinking about how I’ve gotten this far on my own, but damn it all feels so empty.
We’re social animals. We need it like we need water and food. Being around people is a muscle, build on it slowly. Introverts that fake being extrovert report being happier. You likely will find good company with other introverts, people you let inside the ivory tower, pets etc…, talking with a counselor. This is an issue no post on an app can properly answer, its a discusion, a conversation, a back and forth dance…Trauma breaks our relationship with ourselves, until we heal that connecting with others fully is tricky.
Wow… thanks for this post. While drinking, hiding was a prerequisite for me. If I was working I would fake my way through interactions just knowing that I could walk away and drink. When I took drinking out of this equation, I was tested. My whole life and persona was a lie … I found my relief in AA meetings. I could laugh about my craziness with others that did just the same thing. They taught me how to listen to normal people without wanting to lash out. I was the problem unfortunately… The longer I stayed sober, my unreasonable expectations of strangers, family and life just increased..nightmare. Of course I had to swallow the bitter pill. “Live and let Live” I wish the world around me were required to practice a 12 step program, for now I just try and live life sober one day at a time. The results vary, but it’s always better. YOU GOT THIS 
Hey! I just wanted to toss this in here in case it helps at all 
I’ve heard it said that we as human have this tendency to expect things to change; seasons, cities, technology, etc.. but that somehow we don’t hold ourselves to that same expectation, that we’re somehow incapable of change. A close friend of mine (we’ve been in each other’s lives for 14 years) was recently talking about having some of the same struggles you’re experiencing. She came to the conclusion that friends often times come and go just like the changes in seasons, cities, technology, etc.
I think this is because that as adults, we’re no longer forced into class rooms with similar humans and even with being around work colleagues frequently takes a lot of effort to establish a close friendship. I believe there was a study done that showed that you’d have to spend “ About 200 hours together—ideally in non-work, meaningful interactions—to become close friends” and damn, that’s a lot of time!
I’d honestly recommend trying an online friend group. Find something you can get behind; joining a 12 step group, an online d&d group, frequenting the Crystal Seller communities on Instagram (a lot of people don’t even buy stuff, just hangout for the vibes).
I wish I had better advice to give about your specific struggles but I hope this message helped a least a tiny bit 
Crystal sellers. You made my night thank you ! I was a wanna be hippee … if I got what I needed. I was also a jock, stock trader, sea captain, engineer…. I never tried gangster rapper 
I have never felt SO free as introducing myself as an alcoholic.
Hey, it’s great that you have reached out rather than keeping it to yourself, we all need someone, don’t hesitate to reach out anytime that’s what we’re all here for
I understand how lonely you must be feeling. It’s an awful way to feel dear. I usually feel the same way. I’m the opposite, in which I am very social naturally, extroverted, talk way too much, and I’m very candid….so, for me a good amount of people don’t care for my energy. It’s too much. I’m always too much. That’s how I stared isolating and made tv my closet friend. It’s an incredibly lonely place to be and I’m trying to get out of it.
Online groups work though! Especially in my sober attempts (on attempt 5 now but getting actual help this time). This app has been so instrumental for me to stay connected. I wish you so much peace. You can always reach out to me. I’m in Los Angeles - I’m very open and care for all kinds of people. 
i can def relate. i’ve still been struggling with this, 6+ of recovery.
i haven’t found a solution other than connecting with people in ways i am comfortable with…
like this website
or texting
or msging on facebook
it doesn’t have to be in person, i don’t think anyway.
i still go to in-person meetings but i don’t visit much… i try to make myself share too.
but i get it, at least know you’re not alone and other people struggle in this area as well.
Wow can i ever relate! When i was using and drinking i was very much a social butterfly. Now that Im clean and sober, Im very much an introvert. I need down time/alone time to recharge my batteries as being around too many people with too much noise, exhausts me. Yet at the same time, I also crave connection. Its a battle lol I dont have any sort of friend relationships currently. I do have my husband amd son, and family that are over a thousand miles away, but no friends. I struggle in making deeper connections with friends. It just feels like alot of work to be honest.
I have found tho that i find connection in other ways. This forum is huge for that. I think Id feel really alone without it. I have done volunteer work in the past which is sort of finding connection with others as well. 12 step meetings were a life saver for many years when it came to battling lonliness. The coffees afterwards, the talks with my sponsor, the dry dances etc made me feel apart of and not so alone. I also joined a gym where I can sort of be around other people without actually having to engage with others. To me that helps fill the lonliness without being exhausted from constant conversation/interaction. Maybe some of those ideas would be helpful? Or join others with similar hobbies, like a class or something? Building healthy relationships i think are new to alot of us in recovery. So be gentle with urself 
I’m 100 percent introvert, I could never fake being extroverted. Even thinking about being one gives anxiety. I relate to both your post @Butterflymoonwoman @Moriah
Wow! Your post felt like a mirror image of how I feel/felt. When I was drinking, it was a huge part of my life. It took up time, formed social relationships, and when that went away when I quit, I was like now what?
There were so many great responses, especially about wanting change. The one thing that helped me, and it may help you. In the beginning, I would go to estate sales, flea markets, garage sales, I generally have an interest in old tools and musical instruments. But another reason was you do have a social interaction, but it’s very brief, and you can always end it with, well, thank you very much. And then “escape.” I use that term because when I started going to parties and everyone will advise you to always have an exit strategy. With these little sales, I could ask some questions, it usually sparked a conversation, but like I said, you can always end it with thank you very much. Little by little it made me more comfortable, socially.
Now, believe it or not, I build bird houses, and I built a rack on my truck for them to hang from.. I park on the side of the road and work on them on my tailgate. And the amazing thing is, people not only stop to purchase them, but they tell me their entire life story! I am not kidding you when I tell you just yesterday, a man spoke to me for one solid hour. His entire life story, he did buy a birdhouse, but I enjoy these social interactions, and it’s random, I wish you could come with me for one day. But it follows suit with what I’m saying, if you find something that you’re interested in buying/selling, It’ll get your feet wet, socially, without diving in head first to a big relationship. I hope that helps! Once things for sure, you’re not alone! Best wishes, Bobby.
In my opinion that’s normal from time to time for everyone, not exclusively for addicts. Life changes, habits change, needs change, we as individuals change.
I myself was very reclusive and easily worn out by social interactions for many times in my life. In my case this is a strong sign that I need rest, lots of rest and focus on ME.
Therapy and sharing here on TS help(ed) me a lot to understand myself better and to build a life that suits me and my needs.
You mention that your relationship is not healthy. That’s a huge energy thief, speaking from experience. There also professional help, boundaries, detaching and maybe looking into codependent behaviour can help.
Making friends as an adult takes time. And it starts with feeling comfortable in your own shoes so you can walk along with other people from time to time so to speak.
When face to face interaction is draining, text, send pictures, memes. When you find a nice facebook group, take part as you feel comfortable. When you do a meeting, listen and say a friendly hello and good by, that’s enough. When you have a friendly neighbour, have a short conversation about the weather when you meet on the street.
Conversation is no magic, it’s often just a friendly hello, maybe a how are you doing, a bit listening, a bit sharing about yourself. Nothing big, like “i like the rain, nature needs it” or “my basil is thriving, it’s nice to have fresh basil on tomatoes” or “your cat is lovely when they sleep comfy on the window sill/porch/whereever”.
It’s absolutely ok to keep conversation short, a “nice chat, I have to go, have an appiintment, by” is fine to end it in a nice way. Remember: your laundry is always there for you and nobody knows that you have an appointment with your washer.
To train social interaction in very short sequences, you can wish the cashier at the supermarket a nice day, say an additional thank you to people in your daily life when it fits, give yourself a smile when walking by a mirror or glass front.
Those micro-interactions add up in feeling more comfortable in social interaction. More connection will follow, it’s surprising and it’s worth it. But first you start by talking to yourself kindly, friendly and in an encouraging way 
You are not alone!
If you like, hop on the gratitude thread here, gratitude is a booster for all good in life.
Hey, I just want you to know I really felt this. I’ve been there too—grateful for my sobriety but overwhelmed by how isolating the healing process can feel. That weight of being around people, the fear of opening up again, the sting of broken friendships… it all hits deep.
You’re not broken for needing space. Solitude isn’t a flaw—it’s how some of us recharge and protect ourselves. And yet, I get it—sometimes the quiet gets heavy too. You’ve made it so far on your own, and that’s something to be proud of. Truly.
But you’re not meant to carry it all alone forever. Even just being open like this is a sign that your heart still wants connection, even if it feels impossible right now. Let it come slow. Let God meet you in this space, where it’s quiet but still full of hope.
You’re not empty. You’re healing. And you’re not alone in that.