I’m an alcoholic. 6 years ago I was the “drinking vodka straight from the bottle” kind of drinker. I’d easily go through a bottle a day. Sometimes more. No surprise then, that I ended up with DUI. I lost my job. I hated myself. I went to meetings only because they were court ordered and hated every second of them. I stopped the minute I wasnt being forced to attend, but I was determined to keep my sobriety. 1 year sober turned into 2 years. 2 turned into 3. I stopped keeping track. Then it happed. I lost both of my parents and was wildly depressed. I started with a bottle of wine on a Friday night. I knew I shouldn’t, but it’s so easy to lie to yourself. (It’s just wine. It’s not like it’s vodka or something stronger. I’ll only drink once a week? That can’t hurt anything. I only drink at night so as long as I’m not driving, no harm, right) so one bottle turns into two bottles. Friday nights turn into Friday and Saturday. Then eventually maybe a little mid-week nightcap. I’m tired. Im tired of wasting my entire weekends feeling sick and hungover. I’ve been playing the “this is the last time” chant in my head for months. But this has to be it. I literally scheduled a vacation day to start my weekend drinking early. I’m sick as hell right now yet even as I type this I know come dinner time I’m going to want to run out and get a bottle or two. I’m not doing it. This has to be it. If i can do years of sobriety before, I can damn sure do it this time.
Tell yourself the next time that an urge to drink hits: “one is too many, and too many is not enough”.
First off, I want to say that I’m sorry for your loss. Losing your parents is uniquely painful… For a lot of people, their parents were the one constant thing in this crazy world. So to sudden lose them, it shatters your world view.
The fact that you sought out this community speaks volumes 
Keep us in mind - there’s lots of active threads, and old ones to look through.
I relate so deeply to this. I also lost both of my parents and my brother just recently to this disease. I understand the pain, it’s indescribable.
What helped me was to think of my sobriety as a way of honoring their lives. For me it helped shine a light in the darkness of my grief.
You managed before and the wisdom you gained in that isn’t lost. You can do this again. Stay connected. Try to capture any negative thought and reorient it to the fact that you are aware and have a opportunity to create a life of freedom and clarity. Sending you love and prayers 
Sounds like you know what you want, and that’s a good place to start. Welcome to Talking Sober! 
Here’s a few threads I find helpful: