Sorry to hear about your drinking @Alee9090 but welcome back. It sounds like you turned to alcohol for a relationship, for a connection, when you really should be developing a healthier relationship with yourself and with a healthy sobriety community. It took me a long time to realize that I was trying to find a real connection in my addiction, but it was hollow; I was chasing a ghost.
You’re back here now. How about checking in to stay accountable?
Or sharing memes to show your crazy side?
Or your latest meal?
The point is, stay connected - it’ll keep you safe.
You can do it. You need a sobriety community, and you can do it.