I spent more than 40 years drinking and using various drugs. It was all I knew. It was social and ‘fun’, until it wasn’t. My drinking wasn’t ‘fun’ or normal for a couple of decades, but denial and lethargy can keep you stuck…and that pull of oblivion at the bottom of the never ending wine bottle was my friend. I spent decades jumping from one addiction to another to avoid ‘life’ and my self…yet still I did all the adult stuff of home, family, work…the epitome of a ‘functioning alcoholic’…never spiraling too low on the outside…near death on the inside. A half life.
It literally had to take me being at the edge of suicide daily for months before I could string together some days of sobriety. I was a binge drinker, and getting past a week was a huge deal for me. I was in a quit/ relapse cycle for years. I was so raw and lost and in pain, for so very long. Leading a half life and thinking that was okay. So much self loathing. Looking back now, I can’t pinpoint any magical this is how I did it, other than focusing on today, right here, right now. And truly I had played out all there was in the drinking life for me…there was literally nothing drinking offered me except a shitty relationship, poor health, anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. Why did I keep choosing it? But I did.
Until I didn’t. Until the day came 1200 days ago where I stopped and a week later found this community. And the rest is in my posts and replies and I can look back and see me grow and change and find peace in recovery…as if it were ‘easy’…it was not.
I often say we all follow our own path and this is mine.
Over the past 3+ years, my recovery plan has included…
Being active on the following apps…
Talking Sober
Reddit r/stopdrinking
Women for Sobriety (WFS)
Soberistas
She Recovers
Putting myself to bed early and often in the early days…sleep, blessed sleep
Yin yoga, bicycle riding, HIIT fitness classes, hatha yoga, walking, yoga nidra, running, hiking
Meditation and sleep meditations
No wine in house
Journaling
Hot epsom baths or soaking in the hot tub (especially helpful when anxious)
Drinking a LOT of LaCroix, now I drink plain water
Reading and rereading a LOT of sober memoirs/novels (see my list here… What kinds of books do you like or recommend? - #4 by SassyRocks )
Keeping a list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers…I keep it on my phone and when I start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass of wine, I read my list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking made me. Here is some of that list…
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No hangovers ever!!
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Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting
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Self respect gets a major boost
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No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
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Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!
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Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish
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A sense of peace and calm
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No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior
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Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
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No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
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No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
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No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail
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No upset stomach from drinking
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No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
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No dark suicidal thoughts
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No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music
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No blackouts ever
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No overwhelming shame at my behavior
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No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
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Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
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Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
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Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
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No hangovers ever again
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No more excuses or lies
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Peace of mind
Most importantly, I never stopped quitting AND I found this app when I needed it most and have strayed away often over the years, but kept returning because it reminds me of what I gladly, proudly fought so hard to let go of. I see myself in so many people here, many of whom have come and gone and I miss. more of whom have stuck around and worked so hard and shared it all. I have learned so very much here and am so incredibly grateful for YOU.
We all live our own lives and find our own way on our journey to sobriety and recovery. Never giving up served me well. It was a hellacious slog getting here. But I can proudly say my grandson won’t remember me as a drunk grandma and that is the best feeling in the world.
It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t quick, it wasn’t a straight line without A LOT of relapses, but it was my path and it was and is 100% the best thing I have ever done in my life for myself.
Thank you all for sharing your journey here, every story and countdown, every achievement and fall back, it all means so much and helps keep my recovery solid. It is a good day to be sober!!
Please do not ever give up on yourself. We can change our lives. It is worth it. YOU are worth it. 
congratulations on your sobriety. 
love Emma 
That’s a wonderful achievement. Proud of you 
