A lifelong drinker hits 1200 days sober

I spent more than 40 years drinking and using various drugs. It was all I knew. It was social and ‘fun’, until it wasn’t. My drinking wasn’t ‘fun’ or normal for a couple of decades, but denial and lethargy can keep you stuck…and that pull of oblivion at the bottom of the never ending wine bottle was my friend. I spent decades jumping from one addiction to another to avoid ‘life’ and my self…yet still I did all the adult stuff of home, family, work…the epitome of a ‘functioning alcoholic’…never spiraling too low on the outside…near death on the inside. A half life.

It literally had to take me being at the edge of suicide daily for months before I could string together some days of sobriety. I was a binge drinker, and getting past a week was a huge deal for me. I was so raw and lost and in pain, for so very long. Leading a half life and thinking that was okay. So much self loathing. Looking back now, I can’t pinpoint any magical this is how I did it, other than focusing on today, right here, right now. And truly I had played out all there was in the drinking life for me…there was literally nothing drinking offered me except a shitty relationship, poor health, anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. Why did I keep choosing it? But I did.

Until I didn’t. Until the day came 1200 days ago where I stopped and a week later found this community. And the rest is in my posts and replies and I can look back and see me grow and change and find peace in recovery…as if it were ‘easy’…it was not.

I often say we all follow our own path and this is mine.

Over the past 3+ years, my recovery plan has included…

Being active on the following apps…

Talking Sober
Reddit r/stopdrinking
Women for Sobriety (WFS)
Soberistas
She Recovers

Putting myself to bed early and often in the early days…sleep, blessed sleep

Yin yoga, bicycle riding, HIIT fitness classes, hatha yoga, walking, yoga nidra, running, hiking

Meditation and sleep meditations

Eating a lot of sweets and then after a year and a half, quitting sugar and processed carbs

No wine in house

Journaling

Hot epsom baths or soaking in the hot tub (especially helpful when anxious)

Eating clean / keto / drinking a LOT of LaCroix, now I drink water and tea

Reading and rereading a LOT of sober memoirs/novels (there is a great list of them on here)

Keeping a list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers…I keep it on my phone and when I start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass of wine, I read my list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking made me. Here is some of that list…

  • No hangovers ever!!

  • Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting

  • Self respect gets a major boost

  • No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop

  • Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!

  • Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish

  • A sense of peace and calm

  • No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior

  • Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement

  • No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk

  • No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk

  • No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail

  • No upset stomach from drinking

  • No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover

  • No dark suicidal thoughts

  • No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music

  • No blackouts ever

  • No overwhelming shame at my behavior

  • No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel

  • Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls

  • Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard

  • Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem

  • No hangovers ever again

  • No more excuses or lies

  • Peace of mind

Mostly, I found this app when I needed it most and have strayed away often over the years, but kept returning because it reminds me of what I gladly, proudly fought so hard to let go of. I see myself in so many people here, many of whom have come and gone and I miss. more of whom have stuck around and worked so hard and shared it all. I have learned so very much here and am so incredibly grateful for YOU.

We all live our own lives and find our own way on our journey to sobriety and recovery. Never giving up served me well. It was a hellacious slog getting here. But I can proudly say my 6 year old grandson won’t remember me as a drunk grandma and that is the best feeling in the world.

It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t quick, it wasn’t a straight line without relapses, but it was my path and it was and is 100% the best thing I have ever done in my life for myself.

Thank you all for sharing your journey here, every story and countdown, every achievement and fall back, it all means so much and helps keeps my recovery solid. It is a good day to be sober!!

Please do not ever give up on yourself. We can change our lives. It is worth it. YOU are worth it. :heart:

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What a great share. Thank you so much. It’s very helpful. Congratulations on your inspiring number of days. Sassy does rock! You’re such a pivotal part of this community and I appreciate you.
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Thank YOU for being sober, being here and being such an important part of the community. :sunny::sunny::sunny::sunny:

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RareOldAngora-small

Thank you for being here throughout my journey with your kindness and your advice, to me and others. So much of what you have learned and shared has resonated with me and played a big part in my sobriety :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

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Congrats on 1200 days! That is an accomplishment thanks for sharing. Also congrats on the money saved, you can buy a house with that in some states lol. Keep it going.

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I think, you are an incredible lady and alcoholic! One who I feel gives every time she posts a thought (or two) simply with the intent to just be helpful for others. Congratulations on 1200!!!

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Absolutely adore you, Sassy! Such a great share. You are pivotal in helping me and others achieve the beauty sobriety has to offer us. Such an inspiration.

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Congrats! That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing!

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Your are an inspiration to many. Your strong and compassionate and always there to give advice or just listen. I know I speak for many when I say that. :heart::blush: congratulations on your sobriety. :tada::muscle:t3:

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Sassy you’ve always been a pillar of strength in this ever growing community,I’m so happy for you and your amazing journey and the kindness to share that with others.you are an inspiration to others looking for a better way a way to be free godbless you and your gentle kindness :purple_heart: love Emma :purple_heart::pray:

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So happy for you, Sassy, you and @Butch posts help me more than you know💖

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Yay!!! So happy for you! You are such an inspiration and this post is just a reminder of how changing your life and putting in the hard work can pay off and be so transformative!!! Congratulations!! :two_hearts:

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Sassy, you’re a genuinely awesome person whom I admire very much. Congratulations, from the bottom of my heart.

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So inspirational. Thank you for posting and being here.

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Sassy, you’re amazing and I love reading your posts, always a beacon of light and encouragement! I appreciate all the wisdom you’ve shared for us. 1200 days! Congratulations!

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Wow, amazing! Congratulations! What a wonderful and truly inspiring share! Thank you! :raised_hands: :sunflower:

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Such an amazing number, could not be happier for you. Thank you for all the support, advice and love you bring to this community.

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Congrats Sassy! :partying_face: That’s a wonderful achievement. Proud of you :innocent:

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Thank you! You are very inspiring to me❤

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That indeed is a very long while Sas :wink: !

Congrats and thanks for being an inspiration to many of us! :slight_smile:

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