It’s that time of year again.
You’re newly sober and begining to work on your recovery. You’ve been invited to a wedding, or a birthday party, Halloween party, or Christmas party, what should you do?
On one hand, you don’t want to risk your sobriety. On the other, you don’t want to disappoint your friends or family. So what’s the right thing to do?
If you have any doubt at all, the choice is clear, don’t go! Invitations always have a decline option.
We often times want to please people and so we feel compelled to submit to their requests, even when we know it may be harmful to ourselves. Empower yourself by not allowing others to choose your path, you are in charge of your own destiny.
"But… I have to go"
I’ve heard this so many times. "I have no choice, I have to go. "
First off, yes, you do have a choice, we ALWAYS have a choice, almost. The only wedding I couldn’t get out of was my own.
But if you believe you truly don’t have a choice, here’s some strategies to help.
For weddings:
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Attend the wedding ceremony, skip the reception.
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If dinner was already ordered, go to the reception, eat dinner, dip out after. The old eat and run.
For work holiday parties: Sometimes it’s strongly recommended you go, especially if you’re management.
- Tell your boss you have a scheduling conflict ahead of time and you can go but you have to dip out early.
For general parties and get togethers:
- Give yourself a time limit, like 45 minutes max.
- Use a scheduling conflict as an excuse, like having to pick up an Aunt from the airport or having to babysit your sister’s kids.
For future invites: decline with grace but be firm in your conviction.
A response I’ll be using this year is this:
Thank you for the invite, I appreciate you thinking of me, unfortunately I am not able to attend, but I’d love to send you something, can I get your address?
And then I’ll send a sausage and cheese basket or something.
In conclusion, if there is the one takeaway, it is this.
You must protect your sobriety by any means, even if that means disappointing your friends, family and peers. You are in control of your life and no one can put you in a position you don’t want to be in.
And besides, the person they invited to the party, it was the old you, and that person is gone now, right?
Bottom line is: the world will not end if you don’t go, life will go on.
Have a story? a suggestion? Please share.