Just hit 48 hours with no cocaine. If you did not see my prior post, I basically had to quit due to a possible perforated septum from abusing cocaine for 4 months straight. It was not necessarily my choice to get sober yet. If I’m being honest, I did not want to. But if it meant saving my face, and even possibly my life, I didn’t have another choice.
I am proud of myself, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t having a hard time. I have always struggled with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. Like no matter how much I would sleep, it never felt like it was enough. I could sleep for days, no exaggeration. When I discovered cocaine, I thought I found the cure for my exhaustion. I finally had energy to play with my kids, energy to go to work, and work extra when needed. Now that I do not have it to help me, I am even more tired than I used to be due to the withdrawals on top of my normal constant state of exhaustion. I have also been feeling extra depressed because I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. No high to look forward to. The only thing that brings me joy now is my children, but even then, the thought of being with them makes me tired. Especially without cocaine.
I have been prescribed Adderall for almost 2 years now, but before I started doing cocaine, I was abusing my prescription, so I have built up a pretty high tolerance for it. It doesn’t even really keep me awake or give me energy anymore. I feel like my whole adult life I have been searching for something that will make me have energy like normal people do. My body is just immune to any “upper” at this point. That is another reason why I was kind considering getting sober before the health issue came about… I was concerned that once my body got adjusted to coke and it doesn’t work anymore, I would eventually try something way worse out of desperation. But now, after stopping before it got to that point, I am worried that my depression and exhaustion will overcome me.
This is my life now. Extreme exhaustion. No motivation. No real joy or excitement. I just feel like if this is sobriety, why would I want it?
I know that feeling where you feel like this is sobriety, but trust. Sobriety is wayyy better than using cocaine once you are past the withdrawal. It’s likely because your brain’s dopamine receptors are kinda shut down right now. You’re on day 2, which is great but you are probably getting a withdrawal still; if you can remember that in the long-term you will feel so much better on the sober side once you are past the withdrawal, you’ll beat this.
Like I’m 16 days sober right now and I already am feeling better every day. It just takes time for your brain to recover, give it at least 3 months
Cocaine leaves your body fully after 4 days. But your dopamine receptors may take longer. You got this!!! I’m proud of you for reaching out
Oh also try to workout. It will help boost your brain’s dopamine a bit. Get vitamins too and eat healthy and such
Congrats on your first 48 Kass.
I hear and even feel the pain in your post. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. But I can tell it’s painful.
This does not have to be your life now. It may feel like that today. I don’t know what getting off coke is like. You might feel like that for a couple of days. But I do know what it feels like to stop drinking. It was the hardest 10 days of my life. And I never want to go through it again. We can be here for you if you want sobriety bad enough to read a lot reach out and get and give help. You are not alone.
There’s lots of great people that are going through or have been through some of the same experiences you’re going through.
I myself love the gratitude thread. EVEY SINGLE DAY for my first couple of years of sobriety I was on there. Still am. I have so much to be grateful for when I’m sober.
When I’m feeling down on myself or the depression hits. I get on there. And list my gratitude. I’m grateful for my children. I’m grateful I’m not hungover. I’m grateful for my cats. My roof over my head my wife. I totally retrained my brain doing this simple exercise every fucking morning whether I wanted to or not. You can have this too.
There’s another great daily check-in thread. Some people check in daily or 2 or 3 times a day.
People in all different stages of their addiction. Just checking in sharing their experience strength and hope. Helping each other out.
This place is a great tool if you use us.
And meetings are always good too.
We don’t have to live like this. We do recover. We actually have fun. But we got to put in the work first.
Hang in there.
One day at a time. It’s the only day I got.
This is not sobriaty.
This is detoxing from your doc (drug of choice)
Life will be better, but first the sour then the sweet
You can push trough! Venting is a good thing to do and I understand your doubts.
Focus on today and let sobriaty win you over by time by showing you the benefits of it.
Hang in there. I am almost on day 10 of no cocaine and the difference I feel internally,
Mentally, physically and emotionally is incredible.
The first week is the toughest with withdrawals and the fatigue hits different, but whatever you do, don’t pick up and start the cycle all over again.
Sounds like you too have a dopamine deficiency, I have ADD so I get it.
I found microdosing helped me to a degree in which is hard to describe, they are just amazing medicine, particularly when it comes to their ability to rewire your neural pathways.
Sending you all the strength to get through this week!
Your concern is accurate! I built up a tolerance and was chasing a high I could never achieve again. I was wasting money hoping it would be different each day, but it never was.
If you tend to have no energy even before doing coke, then I suggest you go get a complete blood work up. Your body may be lacking vitamins. I had a similar experience and needed vitamins D and B12. But don’t just take vitamins thinking they will help, seek medical advice because taking too much of something could be harmful.
Remember… this phase you’re in doesn’t last forever. Stick with it and the results will be extremely rewarding.
but you are probably getting a withdrawal still; if you can remember that in the long-term you will feel so much better on the sober side once you are past the withdrawal, you’ll beat this.
retrained my brain doing this simple exercise every fucking morning whether I wanted to or not. You can have this too.
helped me to a degree in which is hard to describe, they are just amazing medicine, particularly when it comes to their ability to rewire your neural pathways.