Congrats on your first 48 Kass.
I hear and even feel the pain in your post. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. But I can tell it’s painful.
This does not have to be your life now. It may feel like that today. I don’t know what getting off coke is like. You might feel like that for a couple of days. But I do know what it feels like to stop drinking. It was the hardest 10 days of my life. And I never want to go through it again. We can be here for you if you want sobriety bad enough to read a lot reach out and get and give help. You are not alone.
There’s lots of great people that are going through or have been through some of the same experiences you’re going through.
I myself love the gratitude thread. EVEY SINGLE DAY for my first couple of years of sobriety I was on there. Still am. I have so much to be grateful for when I’m sober.
When I’m feeling down on myself or the depression hits. I get on there. And list my gratitude. I’m grateful for my children. I’m grateful I’m not hungover. I’m grateful for my cats. My roof over my head my wife. I totally 
retrained my brain doing this simple exercise every fucking morning whether I wanted to or not. You can have this too.
There’s another great daily check-in thread. Some people check in daily or 2 or 3 times a day.
People in all different stages of their addiction. Just checking in sharing their experience strength and hope. Helping each other out.
This place is a great tool if you use us.
And meetings are always good too.
We don’t have to live like this. We do recover. We actually have fun. But we got to put in the work first.
Hang in there.
One day at a time. It’s the only day I got.
