Day one and I’ve tried this so many times before but this has to be different. I’ve been high functioning for about 4 years and finally gotten my dream job out of uni. I’ve worked so hard for this I won’t let addiction risk what I have wanted my whole life. But the question is where do I go to from here? My longest streak was 72 and since then I haven’t gone more than a couple of days. Ive got the 12 step book and the just for today but I feel like a fraud the two times I’ve tried an online meeting. How do you find a community, people say it is so important to success and even on bad days it is important but I just feel stupid for getting myself into this and want to pretend it never happened. I know that’s not how this works. What do you do when you come home to relax? I feel like I have nothing to live for and it scares me.
Also how do you justify getting sober when you are high functioning?
Seems you have a great foothold on an amazing life ahead, especially if you don’t let addiction steal it from you.
I can only speak of this community as being fantastic, as it’s all I’ve had for my first 148 days to date.
As to what to do, just enjoy life. Going for a walk, time at the beach, hanging with friends, watching the sunset, focusing on your mental and physical wellbeing. There is so much more to do when you abstain than when you lock constraints on your enjoyment of living.
Substances are not a reward, they are a hellscape dressed in a pretty bow to drag you in and down. Be smarter than that and enjoy everything that you’ve dreamed your life to be.
I wish you all the best in that amazing journey.
It sounds like your addiction is of concern for you and you dont want it to get worse. That is enough to engage with AA or another recovery group. With AA the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Yes it may take some humbling to ask for help. Just because you havent hit a lowest low of your drinking, you can decide its enough.
Good luck on day one. The first week is the toughest. I suggest you visit and engage here as much as possible
Have you tried in person meetings? I found it much easier to make connections and friendships in person. Online meetings and this forum are good tools but I can’t rely on them as my only resources. I can’t meet up with people online for coffee or other sober activities.
High functioning is actually a pretty low standard of living. For the human body to function, it needs water and food. A step above that is shelter. Those 3 things dont provide a life worth living.
As you get sober, as you grant yourself some grace, and the sober days add up…you will start finding the many sober blessings. These give you a life worth living.
Maybe try a face to face it will surprise you how many people there will understand what your going through, there are plenty of Groups out there to suit your progress .nothing changes unless you change wish you well
Welcome @Princessbabygirl
TS is a fantastic community with tons of information, sharing and helpful stuff. Read around, use the search function, contribute to existing threads and themes, ask, share, vent away 
The light here is on 24/7
There are good reasons to take it ODAAT, put your sober head on the pillow tonight, be grateful for no hangover tomorrow.
Here some very helpful threads to go to, not only early in recovery:
To start …
For daily sobriety excercise …
To check out some health topics (you don’t need to be a wreck to decide you stop drinking alcohol!)
For letting out and smiles …
Welcome to the community!
Congrats on making the decision to get sober. It was the best decision I’ve made, but it took years to get here.
It took years because of fooling myself I was ‘high functioning’. In hindsight, I was not high functioning, I was functioning just enough to get by. I was retarding my personal and professional growth as well as my potential, but at the time, I thought I was doing well. That’s when my drinking started causing problems, and that’s when I started moving the goal posts… anyhow, I eventually decided to quit and wow, what a change it’s been!
The first few months was difficult, at night I was pretty antsy. I used to pace back and forth keeping busy so I wouldn’t drink. Eventually being sober became the new norm and my nerves settled. Give it time, you’re going through a dramatic change and you will feel things that will be often unpleasant; these feelings aren’t forever.
Now days, even after a physically hard day, or a emotionally charged day, there’s really no need to winddown or take the edge off, it just happens naturally. I feel like the need to use drugs or alcohol to relax, wind down or take the edge off is more about managing withdrawals than it is actually coping with stress.
One day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow, all we have is now, today. Choose to be sober today, it’s that simple.
Welcome and stick around for all thw support you can handle!
@erntedank I love that Sober Poops is on your short list of important threads. 
I didn’t have a good answer for this until all I was doing was functioning. Turns out, “functioning” isn’t such a high bar… I was miserable.
Sober the difficult became easy, the impossible possible, and I’ve found with a little bit of work I can now thrive.
Years in, I can’t justify even a single drink. It was robbing me of so much more than I realized and making not one thing better.
My early sobriety time was spent in a halfway house and sober apartment and my future seemed blah, not really worth it. Why should I go on? My only reason was that the booze didn’t work for me anymore, I wasn’t getting anything out of it except ulcers and nightmares.
Now looking back, I can see how I got my children back in my life, and became a sober example for them, esp. after their Mom died from booze. I was able to be employed and started a retirement savings acct. I got married to a wonderful woman. I got healed from several alcohol related diseases. I quit smoking. I started enjoying vacations, inc. Tahiti, Bora Bora, Australia, New Zealand and Hawaii, and almost every Caribbean island. I’ve cruise over 60 times, inc. Alaska, Italy and Greece. I retired and relocated to a warm climate.
I couldn’t see any of these things happening to me back in early recovery. The AA book talks about being rocketed into a 4th dimension through sobriety, and 40 clean years later and I can yes, indeed !!
@Princessbabygirl you mentioned you tried an online meeting. Are there any in person ones in your area? Even maybe driving a bit to find one? I find those are my gold standard: there’s something about stepping into that room and making that connection, being honest with those people in that space, that makes a big difference for me. Online meetings work in a pinch, but that physical connection is a deeper level