Day 83 and checking in early. Insomnia is a bitch. And just for more fun, I can hear something scrabbling inside my interior bathroom wall. Likely a bat. Terrific!
Day 367
Do you sometimes too have dreams that leave you sad after you wake up? Like something either very beautiful happened that you miss or something very terrible happened that made you sad? Oof.
Grey day today outside, looks like I feel. Well, this will pass I know that.
I got a whole chicken yesterday thatās going to be delicious after itās grilled. And a lot of free time because itās Unity Day in Germany.
Okay, one more coffee now for me and one more glutenfree cookie
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong
Hi, Sabrina! Yes, I sometimes have dreams that include my younger brother, who died suddenly 4 years ago. It was a devastating loss. I am always so glad to see him in my dreams, because I miss him so much. And the whole day afterward, I am melancholy
This morning I am heading off to a 27 day treatment facility for women who have addictions with underlining tramua.
I am nervousā¦I am scaredā¦of what the unknown, leaving my kids, facing my issues, well all that and more but I am going and will make the most of this opportunity for freedom from addiction and negative thinking. I know this will take a lot of hard work and introspection. I am ready, tired of doing it my way, never worked. I will take suggestions from those who have walked the walk before me. By the grace of God I go.
See you all in Novemberā¦sooner if allowed.
@Lotusflower
This is a big step for you and a worthwhile one. Congratulations to you for going. And yes we will be here when you get back and hopefully and perhaps you will be able to be in touch while you are there. Many here have been in inpatient treatment and it made huge differences to them in a good way. Expect that and work towards that. Hugs.
Billy and @Pattycake oof, dreams of those weāve lost are intense yes.
As some of you may know I quit contact to my whole family bc theyāve been so toxic. I only was able to start healing without them. So no way of knowing whatās going on with them.
I found out about the death of my uncle in a dream. I was walking somewhere with my aunt and asked her how my uncle is doing. She then told me that he died some years ago. It was so surreal, I woke up and googled if that may be true. And it was true, he died 2021.
Checking in.
Depression went away, thought I beat it, unawarely slipped back into negative thinking patterns, so it came back, corrected my thinking again, mostly went away againā¦ thatās pretty good
What is rather persistent is a lack of energy which stops me from doing many things I want to do, but Im rolling with itā¦ productivity culture must be fought, at least internallyš
Had my third therapy session, it was really interesting and humbled me in my conviction that I have near perfect introspectionš
@JazzyS You are right this is a tool for support and not beratementā¦ how unusual and beautiful, eh? Thanks for the reminderā¦ hope youāre well!
Go easy on yourselves, everybodyā¤ Treat yourself today.
Notice certain behaviors in the past in trying to get sober, alot of which revolves around youtube and just clicking on āshortsā only for āeye candyā, been seeing that in myself the last week along with not quickly dismissing bad thoughts. Today iām re-focusing on my 7 day play and recovery training. I 100% have to go on the offensive when it comes to tackling my problem. My Brain is relentless at times trying to pull me back to my DOC, so i canāt just ignore it and try to get through the day. I have to be very specific in what iām listening to to get me back refocused on what matters most. Have a great day everyone.
Does anyone else feel like they have to use to be social? I feel like Iām boring clean. I was thinking of breaking my three-day streak tonight because Iāll be with someone who only seems to enjoy my company when Iām using.
Logically, I know this probably isnāt the case but it bothers me deeply because it confirms Iām boring not on substances.
The good news is I went to the gym this morning and had a great workout. I just have to stay strong.
Hey Dana, the very best of luck to you. I will be thinking of you sweetie. This shall pass and the returned you will have more swords by your side. Good luck
You are not boring w/o using, you just perhaps donāt enjoy their company or the event or the scenario as much as you think you should. Maybe you grew apart from them, or never were them. Maybe they are boring.
I think in sobriety you sometimes find your authentic self if you listen carefully to what the tiny quiet whispers are saying. Like, I used to drink before going out as I am quiet and very shy around those I am not altogether comfortable with or in situations I feel awkward around. Those I truly feel comfortable around I feel authentic with, but Iām very very reserved and donāt have a very wide inner circle.
So, I used to make myself into something I wasnāt and do things I really honestly didnāt ever wanna do, drugs and sex and whatever. It wasnāt me, Iām not ācoolā, I love to learn and read and watch films and chat with people who like niche things like mushrooms in the earth and the mycelium network. I like to cook and listen to radio shows about the earth.
I donāt think itās boring to take care of your mind and soul and body. Do less stuff you donāt care about. Sometimes, continents divideā¦it just depends if you can tread the new ground in the chasm, or not.
Thanks for the reminderā¦ hope youāre well!
