Checking in daily to maintain focus #67 (Part 39)

Continuing the discussion from Checking in daily to maintain focus #67 - #2546 by SadMemeQueen.

Previous discussions:

2y 4m 5d no self harm

i think I forgot to post that I got a job! I could’ve sworn I did but I guess not. It’s in my passion, teaching. I’m an assistant daycare teacher for a preschool classroom and loving it. I’ve only worked 3 days because I had the week of the 4th off. I’ve been sick my whole break unfortunately, but I’m loving the job. my mood has been much better and the job has forced me into a routine.

struggling a whole lot, having to take things minute by minute but I’m hoping I’ll be better once I’m back at work tomorrow.


Day 386 AF
It’s been a fairly quiet weekend. Spent most of the weekend packing. Woke up with a sore back. I was able to loosen that up pretty quickly. My moving date is coming quickly.

I’ve had lots of support from family and friends over the break up. If Im completely honest I miss the ex’s money more than I miss him. He could be draining, always wanting debate EVERYTHING. It’s like he was always trying to prove he was the smartest person in the room. I’m glad the toxic relationship is gone. No more lectures or mansplaining.

Sleep well everyone!


@catmancam I am sending you so much love my friend. I am so sorry and angry alongside you for the way your family and those assholes at the shop treated you. You are such a beautiful soul and it is absolutely awful to see you hurting. You should know that you are loved by all of us here. Sometimes we have to create our own family. Sending you love my friend. Hope your pain from your tooth extraction gets better soon. Sending you soothing and healing vibes.
@lefty624 Totally get that FOMO myself and it often creeps in at the weirdest times. Like I could be hanging with friends one day and nothing but the next I’m like “damn – wish I could just have a couple sips to try that out or a cold one would be nice or… “ Just keep remembering that for us we can’t just have a social drink once in a while. For me that one will be a few bottles and then more in little to no time. I know that drinking is a dark hole for me – people around me and I may not get another chance at sobriety so another day sober is all we can co. ODAAT!
@jonase YEAH triple digits and so great that you are seeing improvements. Keep stacking up the days :muscle:
@thewolf So grateful to see you right back here working on your sobriety. I am so very sorry to hear about your split and the relapse. Do not let alcohol take any more from you. You still have the tools you had gathered in your 1+ year of sobriety. Hold onto those, get back to your routines and stay connected. Day 1 and many more ahead :muscle: :hugs:

Yup—so true. You should be proud of yourself and your 88 days! Great work on your recovery and keep it going. Hope you find some relief from the sciatica
@lighter No timeline on recovery my friend. It most definitely is not linear by any means. Keep working your recovery in all its glory (not just abstaining from alcohol but getting to know yourself and heal the parts that need TLC). Not sure normal emotions is even a thing but you will for sure be better equipped to handle your emotions and deal with them with clarity. :people_hugging:
@holysquid Totally feel this right now as I find myself often getting worked up trying to defend my stance to someone who has no skin in the game. It is frustrating and a waste of our time. I do hope you are able to let it go and hopefully not engage with this person in the future. You are good enough – don’t ever let someone make you feel any less!
@bomdhil Aaah I get this and understand where your pain is coming from. Please try to be gentle with yourself and forgive your past actions. Hold yourself accountable for today and be proud of the days you are stacking up – be proud of what you are doing today to protect your sobriety and how you are moving forward now. We can not change the past my friend – do not let it and the emotions tangle with our past actions hinder your ability to move forward.
@mountainlady77 love that saying and great to see you putting forward the changes needed for your recovery. Hold onto the reasoning behind why you are on the sober path – this will help you when the urges hit. :hugs:
@sadmemequeen OMG CONGRATS :tada: :tada: that is so awesome Meghan. So very happy for you.

Checking in on Sunday evening
564 days free of alcohol and weed
979 days free of cigarettes
Today was a fantastic day! I am thrilled to have gone to the Thumb (Michiganders would get this). Lake Huron was beautiful and the weather was amazing. I am so very sore now but it was all so very worth it. I absolutely love kayaking and I had a blast. I am pooped now and ready for bed. Grateful i could catch up here first.
Wishing you all a very wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love :heart: :heart:


Day 637

Just hanging on. Happily sober. But crappy anniversaries always put me in a funk. And this year it’ll be tomorrow. Trying to stay out of my own head. I know it’ll get better.


Day 828

Doing good today, went outside a few times and went for a couple bike rides, etc. Worked on my midi board and daw software for a while, which was fun. I’m working on building drum kits.
Going to make an important phone call to my work tomorrow to clarify my hours of availability to avoid any drama otherwise, have a pretty good idea of how to navigate the conversation thanks to talking with both my mom and mother in law.
Lots of appointments this week, but I’m feeling okay. Been making sure to keep up on the small stuff like showering and brushing my teeth. I’m always having these mini existential arguments about whether I really need to or not, and I just don’t want to be mentally ill and smelly simultaneously if I can avoid it lol. I’ve enjoyed mostly leaving those days in the past, but just like other things, I just kind of force my hand.
It is paying off though, as predicted. I am making headway and feeling better and like a person again, which is nice. I’m glad it’s still summer and there’s still more time to be at the lake and beach :white_check_mark:
I’m gonna keep on keeping on I think.
Have a good evening everyone, and a decent week ahead.

Editing to add a huge thank you to all the folks here who are constantly wishing me well and giving encouragement. I don’t always reply to all of them but those words are actually very helpful and I keep them in my head when I need to remember


Day 380. A good weekend. Back at work today. Going into the office later… Makes a nice change… Three hours driving but thafs ok.,


@TheWolf So sorry this has happened :people_hugging: I’m sure that was one of the hardest posts to write, but also the most important one to get you back on track. Thank you for being honest. You’ve helped me by doing so :pray: Glad you made it back :heart:


Pretty good day. My coworker and I had only one table each for lunch so I didn’t mind that we were tasked with counting every single plate, cup, and silverware in the entire club to make sure we had enough for our biggest weekend of the year that’s coming up. I’m no where near as stressed as I was this time last year. This was about the time I began having panic attacks again for the first time in 10+ years. Thank God those were short lived :pray: Looking back, I think it was just my body learning to deal with stress without alcohol. Breathe :relieved: I still have to remind myself often.

Now I’m lying here on my couch, listening to my cat purr, looking forward to my two days off! I’m thinking it’s bedtime :sleeping: Goodnight to you all :heart:


Day 18

Back to work in the morning I’m not really looking forward to it. We’re going to be super short staffed for most of the week, two of my co workers are off until Thursday and two more are going out of state to repair equipment. so that leaves just me in the shop :grimacing: it will be alright tho I’ll turn on a podcast and get in the zone :nerd_face:
But besides that I feel accomplished today I finished a few things I had been putting off for a while and that felt like a weight off my shoulders. our pool is now at 72 degrees so it’s still to chilly for me lol I’m wondering if I cover it in clear plastic if that would hold the heat in? :thinking: I hope that the weather changes soon because it’s been chilly out for July in Minnesota

I just want to say thank you to everyone for welcoming me with open arms I hope everyone has a great Monday morning and I’ll be back here tomorrow



One day off. Taking Luna to the vet for het solensia shot this morning. The weather does look good. I might go for a little :bike: ride later. It’s been quite a while. I really could do with moving my ass a bit. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you can friends. Let’s all make it clean and sober as for us there’s no other way. Love from my balcony.

@SadMemeQueen Great to hear you got a job you enjoy Megan! Congrats!
@DanaM56 Glad to read you’re moving on Dana. Hope you’ll wake up refreshed.
@JazzyS Happy for you you had a nice day Jasmine.
@mamador Not sure I welcomed you back to the thread Marianna. If not, than now. Happy you’re here and congrats on your days.
@Timetochange Have a safe drive and a good week friend.
@Just_Laura An American working hospitality with TWO days off! Enjoy your vacation my friend :people_hugging:
@Lefty624 Glad you’re here with all of us. Strength in numbers and we’re in this together. Congrats on 18 days.
@Scorpn ODAAT for all of us friend. Glad you’re here. Keep going and hang in there. And all that stuff. :heart: :people_hugging: :heart:


Thank you all for your comments on my reset yesterday. I’m now on day 1. I spent most of the night sweating and not sleeping. Like I said, I’m gutted to be back here. I know these feelings are only temporary and I’ll learn and recover again. I sensed a relapse was coming. I need to listen to my intuition.


Day 219
Good day. First day of the term holidays for the kids. Went to the gym in the morning for some boxing and the eldest did some training too.
Chilled at home for a bit and organised some dinner. Then back to the gym for more training for the kids.
Kids are about to go to bed and the wife should be home soon.


I’m here, I’m alive I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 131

14 y/o went on his bike and did some fishing with a close friend yesterday. Later they decided that they wanted to have a sleep over and road their bike to the friends house. He lives more off grid than we do, but they really wanted to do it. And it’s summer break so I said okey.

I expected him to call saying that he wanted to go home later because he usually doesn’t like sleepovers. But he didn’t so all good I guess. They decided to so some more fishing today.

12 y/o had to stay home with us. So we made some popcorn, watched a movie and played indoor soccer with a balloon. And he got to stay up as long as he wanted yesterday. Luckily that wasn’t longer that 00.00. he isn’t really a night owl. :laughing:

On the afternoon we’re going to inspect the car Engjy Benjy took here to see if it pass the inspection and is approved to drive with.

Weather is the same as past days. News says it’s going to be a while before we even get any kind of good weather.

However that does feel better when I visualize me sitting on our porch (that we attempt to build) with a nice pumpkin blanket and a pumpkin spiced latte for what hopefully becomes a sunny late summer and fall.

That’s all Folks wishing y’all a wonderful day :heavy_heart_exclamation:



Good day overall. Have tomorrow off.
Currently feeling angry/frustrated/hurt/guilty.
Need to have a conversation with someone and basically tell them that they have anger issues and have been a dick lately, without hurting their feelings. Dreading the conversation but they need to be aware because they used to not be like this and it’s only gotten worse lately. Then the thoughts of all of the reasons why they’ve pissed me off and hurt me lately are reeling in my head as I go over the conversation and it’s just bringing up those emotions again. Part of me wants to shut off the thoughts and just go to sleep, but the other part of me feels unrest - like I want to put my foot down because this NEEDS to be addressed and I don’t want to ignore it any longer. But I also don’t want to hurt them or make them feel ashamed or depressed. The hard reality is that the conversation needs to happen regardless and it sucks. But I guess actions have consequences and they need to know that their actions have not been okay lately.

Feel so uncomfortable going to sleep on that note, with all of that on my mind. I have been so silent and self-isolating lately because what I need the most is to heal. I need a break. I need silence away from the chaos. Even just now as I’m typing this, my fridge kicked on and my heart rate instantly increased, this shit happens on a regular basis and it’s so exhausting constantly having my adrenaline being set off against my will, at every little thing. I can’t count the number of times I’m startled in a day. It’s crazy the amount of fear I live in on a daily basis that I’m not even fully aware of because it’s just my normal. I don’t know what I want, I guess I just want peace.


@MrFantastik How long are the school holidays in your part of the world? I assume it’s winter?
@TheWolf Congrats on making it through the first day. It always is a rough time. Sending care and patience your way :mending_heart:
@Mno Enjoy your ride :bike:
@wahtisnormal Having this kind of conversation is not easy. But getting it to the person involved is necessary for your healing. I hope it all goes well :people_hugging:
@Just_Laura Thanks for reminding me to breathe :smiling_face:
@mamador The small stuff is so important. I love to have a schedule for those things. When I am feeling good the stuff gets done anyways. When I am not in a very good place I have a plan and can hold on to that. And as you said: In the end it pays off to do it.
@Scorpn Sending good vibes for a clear head space :sunrise_over_mountains:
@JazzyS It’s been ages since I was kayaking. But you talking about your trip makes me long for a nice water ride :canoe:
@DanaM56 Nice to hear you are being supported. Times of seperation are tough. :mending_heart:
@SadMemeQueen Congrats on your new job! :tada: Enjoy your time with the kids!

229 sugar
93 UPF
100 gluten
79 dairy
3 overeating

Did my run this morning and send my daughter off to her summer workshop. It’s about expressing yourself through art. Sounds like a perfect fit for a 12yo passionate about art. I’m very curious how it will go for her.
Me, I’m going to dive into automata and especially finite-state machines and implementing it in my prototypes this morning. A walk later, errands and todos in the afternoon. Yoga and Recovery Dharma should round up my day. I joined a Gender Expansive Meeting yesterday evening and felt very safe there.

Let’s go for peace, kindness and freedom today folks :peace_symbol: :people_hugging: :dove:


1y 9m 19d AF

Hi Team.

Its been a while,

Ive been battling the flu, winter blues and somw very hectic bipolar ups and downs.

Im still AF without a lie I have definitely had thoughts on picking up to deal with my head as of late but ive beatin those thoughts into the floor.

Picked up smoking here and there again. Ill drop it again soon.

In 1.5 weeks my wife and i are heading to Bali
For a friends wedding and holiday. Something to look forward too, while i have missed to forum doesnt seem to be to noticeable that im gone.

I hope everyone is well.


:waning_crescent_moon: -8-

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

-Marcus Aurelius

Do you recognise the Daisy of Death?


Hi @2JTravNZ Travis, good to hear from you again. What a nice event in front of you, Bali is beautiful. Expecially up north! :green_heart:

*Day 2120 :walking_woman:
Had an arguement with the hubby this morning. I hate arguements and tent to avoid them when I can. As well as I avoid to feel my emotions and adress them. Well we all know how I coped with my emotions a few years ago: cover them up with alcohol. It worked, until it didn’t.
It’s still hard to cope with my emotions because I still push them down under. A coping meganism to protect myself maybe?
But making babysteps in how to deal with them differently. Proud of myself :hugs:
Cried this morning when I said what I felt I needed to get out of my chest. But it was a relief also. Pushed myself to my crossfittraing but the workout helped me get the good vibes back. So I’m glad I went.
And now shower, food and get to my appointment at the tattoo shop to get the last open spot at my right arm filled. Then both of my arms are covered in ink and I always wanted that. Within a few houres that box is ticked :white_check_mark:

Picture of my walk yesterday, the weather was nice.
Have a good day ore night all :raising_hand_woman:


Day 2299. Didnt take any before/after pictures of the garden. We “rescued” a 1/4 of it yesterday. We tackled the hardest part yesterday. Hoping I can clean up the majority of it tomorrow on my day off.

Stay sober friends!


Middle of winter now. These holidays are just 2 weeks. The school year here goes jan/feb until about mid/late dec, then we have a big summer holiday over xmas and new year into jan